How Do Others See You?

Do you ever think about the perception of yourself some people seem to hold? Not that it matters; we are looking at this just for fun.

Or…does the perception of you held by others ever upset you?

This may have happened rarely overall but at one point, it happened several consecutive times. Some would see me as overly kind or a “good girl” simply because I was willing to help people, work very hard when I loved my job or simply agreed to be in a relationship with someone who had the idea it would last forever without giving me enough reason to want to stay. Those misconceptions ended as soon as these individuals displayed such behaviors. As soon as they hinted at overstepping boundaries, I would fire back. Then, they were confused; having had a different picture in their mind, they didn’t know what to do when suddenly having to show integrity. I never kept in touch with most of them – spending even a minute with downers whose goal is to not feel better but stay in their negative comfort zone instead is a waste of life. However, I always wished them well. These individuals need compassion more than anything else.

Does this sound familiar to you?

I have once quit working for someone who expected me to work full time for insufficient compensation. When I refused and quit, this person was shocked but why would anyone have to do that? Nobody does and by disagreeing, in addition to it being a job offer I didn’t love, I remained true to myself.

I swiftly ended most of my relationships as soon as I didn’t enjoy them anymore. One of my closest friends once said, matter-of-factly, that most people vocalize their issues with a relationship, give things a chance to turn around but I didn’t and always left instead. However, she did say that some attempt to “resolve issues” not out of love but out of attachment, habit and the fear of being alone. I always knew that someone wasn’t “it” just before I left, proven by the fact that I never went back.

Today, I find myself choosing kind but truly confident men, those who are comfortable with themselves and grateful for everything they have. And I am proud of myself for it. I don’t have the will to choose men who are kind but seem to need another to build them up – I want a complete, confident person. I always felt good about myself but do so even more as the years go by so maybe that has something to do with it.

Those who truly love their exes find a way back to them. The examples above were just my situations. You have to know yourself. You also have to know that things don’t go the same way for all of us – your life depends on your beliefs. However, anyone can improve their beliefs and manifest the life they want.

Most of the time I left, my exes knew I couldn’t appreciate them because they didn’t fully appreciate themselves. Feeling insecure is one thing but allowing it to dictate your life and relationship is quite another. Self-love is enough to turn yourself and your life around.

You cannot use another for your personal happiness – you have to enjoy it before you can share it with them.

These are just several examples showing how completeness, self confidence and perception create our lives and relationships.

Advertisements

14 thoughts on “How Do Others See You?

  1. Dear Nina.

    I read this comment from a man (whose wife attracted him) on a blog:

    “The happier you are–the lower the stakes. The lonelier you are-the higher the stakes. So marry yourself first. IF you love your life, you self, your job, and are having the time of your life–then it doesn’t affect things if he is in your life or not. It would be cool to share your life with him but you don’t need him to make you happy. You already are happy. And it is more than just loving your life-it is loving yourself single. If you are comfortable going out by yourself, eating dinner in a restaurant alone, then the stakes are lower when you meet him. You have nothing to lose. So marry yourself first. Be determined to find out how you can enjoy yourself, feel like you are in a relationship already with yourself, sharing your successes and wins with yourself. This is a huge leap for people I know. But I believe in you. There have been people sitting in your shoes and they learned to marry themselves and then they got the guy. It happened to my wife. So it can happen to you.”

    He also said: ” I always get what I want. People need that attitude.”

    I always ask you so many questions, Nina!! But here is another one:

    You mention “letting go” in order to let things manifest and be detached from the outcome. Now, for you this detachment process is probably very easy and natural. Could you specify what you do to let go/detach? Because for me, I have had moments where I have felt that rush and excitement of having the relationship but then hearing something someone said to me or overthinking etc. can lead me to feel sad/hurt/missing him.

    I want to be more consistent and let go but I guess it feels like I lost him or that I lost my chance–although I remember reading somewhere on this blog that you said there’s no such thing as that.

    It’s weird because in the past week 2 guys that I connected with online months ago–before I met the guy that I see as my husband–randomly contacted me after months. I briefly thought of them but not because I wanted them. In fact, one of them I never met in person. We had exchanged numbers and added me on FB in November. I forgot that we exchanged numbers. Then, he texts me. I don’t recognize the number. He tells me who he is and I realize I gave him my number 4 months ago… and when I had thought of him last week, I had thought “I should delete this person from my FB because I don’t know him.”

    The individual I see as my husband–I imagine being with him and then what? Just say “It is happening?” I know you say not to think about the when and how–but since I want more than just him initiating contact (I do want this too) I see him as my husband and picture the relationship.

    I feel silly asking you so many specific questions but I admire how you do this so effortlessly.

    My job, where I live etc I manifested and things are going very well. I had manifested this man into my life when we first connected and met in Dec.

    I just get annoyed when I manifest guys that I AM NOT INTERESTED IN.

    Regards,

    Mrs. A

    Like

    1. With me, letting go is often a matter of a conscious decision. After I visualize something I love, I say, “It’s happening right now” and I know two things – that I can happily go on about my life as this will manifest soon and bring a change into it and that if I focus on something else, I let this go and it manifests instantly.
      It’s a great motivation to let go in many ways 😀 See what I mean?
      Everything in life is a matter of deciding and believing, if you ask me. This is why I find it easy to motivate myself to believe. If it can be easy, why should it not be? It should be for everyone! Don’t you feel like you deserve everything you want? 😀 Anyone should!
      You manifested other things easily because you were detached from how they would happen and you KNEW they would happen. You just gotta believe in your relationship which will allow you to create detachment from it. Belief is everything!
      On the bottom of this comment, you will find my article about my manifestation steps which round up everything I’ll explain here 🙂
      Saying you get annoyed at the attention from guys you don’t want is also a reflection of your awareness. You can nurture the awareness of gratitude for anyone’s interest but being in your dream-come-true relationship. Also, see those guys as signs that you are amazing, as you want to feel about yourself, and be grateful for that, too. They are showing you that you are amazing so that you could feel that way about yourself!
      Here are my manifestation steps: https://thelawofattractionandmylife.wordpress.com/2016/01/31/keeping-focus-on-your-ultimate-goal/

      Like

  2. Hi Nina

    I have a questions also.

    Is it better to not contact them at all while doing all this?

    If you keep contacting them doesn’t it come across to them that you are always there and they know it? It doesn’t really give them a chance to ‘miss you’ like Elizabeth Daniels says in her book.

    Is it better to not do anything? I’m not talking about inspired action – It’s just that he knows I always come back and try and speak with him and maybe I shouldn’t be doing that anymore? That would be part of letting go also, right? No contact?

    I sent an email last night, a tiny one, nothing major, just light and he read it but didn’t respond. I didn’t care this time and did what Lightline said which was to thank the Universe that he read it/saw it, and it cancelled out all the previous feelings I had of ‘why isn’t he responding?’ Which was great and I was able to feel a lot happier than I have been this past week and a half because I haven’t at all been able to do anything, visualize, heart energy etc.
    Although it looks like I’m angry at him it is more that I felt like I am losing hope and I know if I was acting as if I already had it I wouldn’t have the feeling of frustration of losing hope.

    Despite losing control of my emotions again, I don’t know why, I just expect that this is going to happen because I can’t see myself with anyone else.

    Thanks.
    Gretta ⭐

    Like

    1. All it matters is WHY you’re contacting so if you feel like you are indeed contacting out of some sort of need, I would suggest not to.
      You still feel slightly negatively about contacting him at all so I would also suggest not to for this reason.
      Your belief that the relationship is yours is all that matters. If you believe, you’re good and you never have to think about the contact or no contact between you right now xx

      Like

  3. Hi Nina,

    I have been this person for almost all my life. People pleasure, what others think, my image in front of others… Guess what? As much as I thought of it, I found myself stuck with such situations that were not good in terms of society norms. I understand “why” NOW!! It was all because I kept thinking of such situations…

    I am a different person now!! I care less about others like their opinions. It does matter but my opinion matters first. And my opinion is always in favour of my well-being and others too.

    However, I think I still have to affirm and BELIEVE that I LOVE MYSELF. I FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF. IT MATTERS WHAT I THINK ABOUT ME AND ONLY THIS MATTERS. Really!! It is liberating to know I CARE ABOUT MYSELF MORE.

    Thanks for this post!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hi C

    That article is what finally made me let go yesterday. I don’t mean give up. I just mean let go which is now clear I never have. I have to admit I was scared, and then had to question myself as to why I was so afraid, and it came back to the same thing, obviously not believing all the time or floating in and out of it. I also got a clear view of all the things I had done wrong in the time I have known him. Boy! Did I have big moments of regret at some of the things I had done and said. I know it wasn’t all me, but I should have known better. Once I got over how I should have done this, and should have done that, I let go, and felt this amazing level of freedom and noticed thoughts and feelings coming to me where I suddenly became more confident that he would return and it would happen, without a doubt. So letting go increased my confidence. Hope that makes sense?

    There is a program on Tv that just finished where they marry people they have never met before, you have probably heard about it. In this season you could see that the women who went up to the man and *just loved them* were more successful than the women who tried to change the man and *demanded* things such has having to be greeted as soon as he came into the door, and other idiotic things. These women wanted to be served and treated like Goddesses, no wonder the men ran away from them. I can see how I did that to him, demanding that he listen and trust me.

    My favorite one was one woman who wasn’t attracted to the man they had set for her to marry, but in the end she ended up falling in love with him because he made her laugh. That simple. The others who were hell bent that there had to be an attraction and he had to do things a certain way, failed. This is something I’ve been witnessing forever with now with yet another couple friend of mine divorcing. They used to be all over each other and yesterday I got to hear those famous words, “I’m just not attracted to him anymore.”

    Just observing over years and years, but whenever there was a huge attraction it never lasted, the ones who are still together to this day had no attraction to each other and told me i was crazy when i pointed out the person they would end up marrying. Those people are all still together. One with the woman being 17 years older. They ended up having 3 kids and are extremely happy 🙂

    Another observation and just my opinion, but it just seems when anything starts with massive attraction instead of friendship and genuine love and care (because attraction is not love) it never seem to last. I’m not saying this happens to everyone, but all the people who i know, who are divorced, were never friends to begin with. Then throw in these people who have all these expectations that they insist must be met and it’s a disaster. I am pretty much watching all of my friends relationships failing where they do nothing but complain about their partner. What happened, I thought he was the one? The attraction wore off and they couldn’t deal with things that were actually being reflected back to them, plus the fact that they had to be the center of this mans universe and put up on pedastools. I have started to see things from a mans point of view and I have to be honest, some women are seriously hard work. He has to ride in on a magical white unicorn, farting glitter, making rainbows in the sky, while spreading cheer, going to work, helping with the house work, playing with the kinds, doing the gardens, being the ‘man’ and most times never being able to show weakness or to much emotion. I really do feel sorry for men when I see things out there.

    Basically, for me now, the LOA comes down to ❤ LOVE ❤ – That's it.

    There is a song on Youtube called 'Little Lover' by Broadhurst. I read that article I posted and then heard that song and it was easy to let go.

    ❤ 🙂

    Like

    1. Thank you Gretta. I’m at work right now, but I’ll check the video out soon 🙂

      And, yes, I think I saw one episode of that show, I think the name was “Married at first sight”

      Like

  5. I forgot to add. He wrote that song to manifest his wife into reality. ❤
    Watch it on full screen really loud. It's amazing. I have it on repeat.

    Like

  6. Thank you for sharing Gretta, it was beautiful and I enjoyed it. I think I will enjoy it some more. 🙂
    Realization is a beautiful thing isn’t it? To see things with more open eyes. I think we all have issues with letting go from time to time. Me included. Going through it right now in fact!
    I agree that men have it hard. They are under a lot of pressure and expectation. I realized that when I was divorced. How hard it can be to fill that role of provider and parent, and then have to make a woman happy at the same time. But you’re spot on when you say it comes down to love. That’s it, just love.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s