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Thought of the Day

Before deciding what kind of relationship you want to be in, know who you are.

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8 thoughts on “Thought of the Day

  1. Nina or anyone that can help me PLEASE! I NEED someone to tell me what to do! I need someone to look into this and tell me what to do!! I don’t want to be told that it’s my decision!! To either forget completely or not!

    We spoke 2 days ago. I resisted coming onto here and sharing this because I don’t want to pull anyone down!

    He started off the conversation with these exact words, “we need to talk. I don’t think you’re crazy and part of me believes you!” My heart stopped I thought this is it. It’s gonna happen! I can’t remember everything that was said so I’m going to only put the parts I remember. The most shocking parts!

    The next thing he says is that he doesn’t see what I am talking about. Wtf? I don’t know if suddenly felt vulnerable or if he is just screwing with my head!!
    The next thing he says is that he says is that I never gave him the phone numbers of the people he could speak to. EVERYONE text, called, emailed, sent letters to him. He never called them back. I said this to him and he didn’t respond because he knew it was true. AGAIN HES MAKING EXCUSES!!
    He then says that he’s so busy and doesn’t want a girlfriend and that he has no time for a relationship because he wants to figure out who he is and don’t I think it would be better for him to grow first. He’s 30! I’ve been hearing this shit for 4 years!!!!!!
    Then says that there is a girl who lives 10 minutes down the road that wants to be with him but he can’t be bothered because it’s a ten minute drive! Wtf!? A ten minute drive!! He then says these girls are ‘a better match’ to him. He then says I live 30 min away and it’s too far and that he would rather have someone only 5 minutes away (!!!) that’s why he didn’t pursue the person who lives 10 minutes away!! Is he just lazy or making excuses?
    He then says that I don’t know him and that he is a loving person and not shallow yet the first thing he brings up EVERY SINGLE TIME is about attraction! That to me is shallow!
    He then reverts again and asks what I want. I say the relationship! He starts to realise it could work and then says “fuck me” thinking about how he’s going to have to fit me into his life. Wow. Hold on back on the happiness and excitement of it, right? He said ‘fuck me’ because it’s all a huge hassle for him and he’s realising he might have to give up being a self centred idiot!!! And also because he didn’t think he would be in the position to be in a relationship!
    I ask him why he would consider me and be talking to me about this again instead of the girl down the road. Doesn’t say anything.
    Changes the subject. Then he says something that shocks me. Even for me! He says ‘he hates people, they are everywhere!!’ Wtf? I don’t even hate the ppl I had to cut out of my life! I asked him if he meant it and he said yes!

    He’s either in some kind of extreme denial, extremely confused, delaying having anykind of a relationship at all or has somekind of a mental disorder and has nothing better to do then torture me!!! Why sit and talk to me for 37 minutes about us if he doesn’t want it?? He made a special note to point out that we had been talking for 37 minutes and that also was a huge amount of time!!
    By this stage I’ve had enough of another roller coaster phone conversation of him sounding like he wants it, telling me he’s not ready, telling me again that everyone else is better than me, to him then saying this ‘he should just block me but he’s too stubborn to change his number and he’s too nice to just cut me out and that maybe if I am that good of a psychic that I will be able to find him!!” This is disgusting!! I then tell him his
    address over the phone to his extreme shock -and instead of waking the hell up at that point he said I must have got it from his email! It’s not on his fucking email!!! It’s not ANYWHERE TO BE FOUND ANYWHERE!! I psychically got a huge hit and as usual he try’s to play it down! He gives me no credit!!! It’s just all to much for him to admit!!! Just excuses that it couldn’t possibly be true that I am who I say I am and that it couldn’t possibly be me because I’m not some blonde idiot who lives 5 minutes down the road!!

    Then he says, “I’m too stubborn to change my number!!” I said maybe you could do PONO on your stubbornness! He goes quite for a minute! I say hello? I can feel his resistance to wanting to work on his stubbornness through the phone!!!!!! But he was thinking about doing it!! It was horrendous to feel him struggle through not wanting to get rid of his stubbornness!!! He’d rather stay stubborn then be happy with me!!! Even after a massive psychic hit! Even after everyone contacting Him in the past! Even after everything he is STILL making excuses!!!!! He then goes quite again and he says you want me to pray on my stubbornness? I again say yes! He doesn’t say anything then says ‘no doubt we will be taking again.’ And hangs up!

    There’s so much more I can’t remember it all! We did talk about other normal things BUT I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH HIM ANYMORE EXCEPT TO JUST WALK AWAY! I don’t ever recall seeing Lightline or anyone else write such things! I don’t recall seeing anyone ever write the kinds of things I have here. I don’t recall anyone having this stuff said to them by their person of interest!!

    I won’t be picking up that phone again!
    Is he a mental case or what? I can’t tell anymore!! I need outside help!! He’s getting worst as time goes on!

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    1. Hi Gretta,

      Sorry that you are frustrated with this situation. As I was reading your response here, I was thinking about how people treat us mirrors how we feel about ourselves.

      And the quote that Caronganga shared here a while back:

      “Topic: Co Creating

      Abe “You don’t feel anyway about anyone without them helping you to feel that way. It’s really co-creation. We’ll even go further and louder and blunter: If there is someone you don’t like, they don’t like you either. We have never seen it otherwise. We have never seen someone to adore someone that the one they were adoring didn’t adore them back.
      Now someone is thinking, “Now wait a minute, there was that man I loved with all my heart and he didn’t love me back.” We say you were offering him insecurity, you were offering him worry, it wasn’t that pure vibration of love. When you are tuned in, tapped in, turned on, they can’t offer you anything else. The Law of Attraction wouldn’t put you together even when you live in the same house. You would rendezvous differently.”

      Gretta, Maybe he is not sure of you, because you are also unsure of him?

      I’m by no means an expert and trying to figure this out myself too 🙂 Sending you love Gretta ❤

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  2. Hi C

    Yes I remember that quote well.

    Thanks for the response – but I don’t even know myself about this whole mirror thing anymore. WHY is no one else doing this kind of thing? Why is every other area of my life running smoothly? Money is coming to me in all directions. I love my job. I manifested the job in the specific store I wanted and have even made new friends one who actually sent me a message saying while he was on the phone that said, “Out of all the people I have ever known you are the only person I can honestly say has a heart of gold!” and he is going from “well maybe all there is left to do is a take a risk!” to then saying he should change my number to see if i can find him. WTF? The contrast between him and everyone else is too much.

    I am not unsure of him. I become unsure after phone calls like that! I have been positive. I have had no bad thoughts come in! I’ve been to busy. I’m gone from 8 in the morning till 6 at night.

    Its very plain and simple. HE IS RESENTFUL at the thought of having a relationship with anyone. He’s resentful at having to not be selfish. Just look at all the things he said above. That to me is mental.

    We talked about seeing each other for half a day, he said he didn’t want to decide on the spot. Wow. It must be too much of a life changing experience to have to spend half a day with me. Im tired of this control bullshit and him pulling the strings.

    Who says they hate people, they are everywhere? I don’t think a person who is happy in the mind says something like that. You can’t hate all people, thats mental.

    “No doubt we will be speaking again.” Why does he want to speak to me again if he is not interested and everyone else is better? I am at the end of my tether again. Its been a long time since I have had a blow out but he’s making himself look like high maintenance and that i should just find someone else who doesn’t speak to me like this cause he IS the only one saying all this rubbish.

    He’s just full of excuses, i think so he can hold other people there until his princess comes along. He said those other people are better matches to him, he was talking about LOOKS!

    Im tired of it now. I get no where except for him to keep reinforcing I’m not good enough which i do think i am!!! and having to sit through roller coaster conversations of having my hope put up there to landing on my butt again and this thing of him having to be in control and everything on his terms.

    I think the ‘big red flag’ just hit me in the face.

    xx

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  3. Had another phone call.

    Just over 10 minutes.

    Everything was fine until we started discussing me getting a new car and the ones he suggested were too manly. I wanted a 4wd so i can pick up furniture or big items for my house or even if I just need room to store taller and bigger things in the car for work. I said. “That is a bit boyish” in response to his choices of cars and he said “But yeah you’re a tomboy!”

    GOOD GRIEFFF!!!

    I couldn’t wear more makeup, jewellery, feminine clothing with bows, dresses and skirts if i tried!! Every time we were together I had on a skirt! Im careful not to swear on the phone or in front of him or anyone and if i do on here its because I am at the end of my tether!

    Can you see how much attention he’s ever paid to me? He thinks I am a tomboy.

    All the things I have in storage at work are DRESSES! I asked my boss to keep an eye out for a dress similar to the dress that LUPITA NYONG’O SKY BLUE PRADA that she wore at the 2014 Oscars. Look up that dress! Is that a dress a tomboy would wear? No it isn’t.

    When on the phone and he’s saying stupid things I never lose my cool. This has just hit me for another six. This guy has NEVER seen me at all – no wonder he thinks everyone else is a better match because IT IS about looks for him! Maybe I should start crying like a princess on the phone when he says stupid things??

    I lose my patience on here because I don’t have anyone else to vent to or talk to!! I never even raise my voice in public! I don’t even realise my voice to people who have upset me. I usually don’t even say anything!

    He was in the middle of making a flyer for him and his friends who are going on a motorcycle trip which is 4 hours away and spend hundreds of dollars on fuel – yet he can’t spare 30 minutes for us to spend a day together!

    This doesn’t make me want to pursue this any longer. I don’t think I will be able to get past the tomboy comment. I called my mum and asked her and she said that that was crazy. She hates him now! I think thats even worse then the rest of the stuff he’s said in the past. Just at work the other day my boss commented on the clothing I bought and said he hadn’t worked with anyone else in the company that had taste like mine and he has no reason to suck up to me at all because he knows I am not into brands!

    Then the icing on the cake. I had training the other day for work and he said “oh for XXXX.”

    I left XXXX job 2 years ago!!!!!!!! When I reminded him where I was now he saids “oh yeah thats right!”

    I said i had to go and got off the phone.

    I’m stunned but not surprised. Whatever picture he has in his mind of me is the complete opposite of who i am.

    I give up.

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  4. I called my manager to ask him if i am a tomboy. He called me and asked who had said this to me – when I told him who he got angry and said no i am not a tomboy and said when are you going to stop speaking to this bloody drongo?

    One of the girls at work calls me “danti’ as in dainty! and this guy sees me as a tomboy. Can anyone still not see the contrast here?

    I trust my boss more than anyone.

    When he said that – that i was a tomboy – all the anger I developed over the last few days left. I don’t feel anything for him anymore. His perception of me ranging from who I am as a person to how I look to my ethics etc are flawed. His perception is warped, so are his views of the world and people.

    If i was to block him right now it would probably take years for him to notice.

    Maybe I will get lucky like AA did and someone will come along who actually sees me for who I am because after 4 years this ‘bloody drongo’ has not and I don’t think he ever will and I can’t get myself into not seeing the ‘what is’ because its screaming in my face with every conversation i have with him.

    He won’t see my leaving as him losing something, because he never thinks he found anything to begin with.

    thanks and goodbye again.

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  5. I’m sorry, Gretta, for what you are experiencing lately. It seems like he has some serious character flaws and he is draining you. You have done so much work and it makes me sad to see you so upset. At first, he wasn’t talking to you at all and avoiding you. You changed your energy and focused on yourself and he slowly was showing signs of interest again. Look at it this way, now, you are coming on here for support because of him calling you. : ). He may not be saying what you want right now, but its a start.

    I have been going through the same thing with my guy. We are spending more time together. Not as much as I would like and things aren’t as exactly how I would like them but it is a start.

    If he is making you feel bad, then maybe take a break and focus on you again. I have never actually met you, but you seem like a lovely person and if he doesn’t see it, then that’s HIS loss, not yours.

    Lastly, I am pretty girly but I was a tomboy growing up. Now, I am a mix of the two. I will go play in the mud and then clean up and put on a dress and heels. It is who I am and it makes me well-rounded.

    Please keep coming back. I love your helpful posts.

    Thank you, Nina, for all your pertinent articles and guidance.

    I am currently on a journey to find myself again…

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  6. Hi Bea

    I wish I could share in your enthusiasm about us talking again but I don’t.

    Its not really a start because he is doing and saying the same things that he always has. He doesn’t budge, he gets worse.

    You at least have someone who spends time with you. This guy makes it look like he is thinking about it but still does nothing.

    I don’t think there is anything wrong with begin a tomboy, I agree it does balance you out but he blurted it out like he knows me and he doesn’t know anything about me, only what his mind has made up about me.

    When i asked about the cars i said something bigger to transport furniture or things for work. He started to suggest manly work vehicles, bordering on trucks and utility vehicles when I said that they were boys cars thats when he said about me being a tomboy. I said No. I am not. He went quite.

    I mentioned my work and he brought up a place i used to work at more than 2 years ago. He knows I am not there, he knows because we discussed items from the shop for him. I am not sure how he thought those items were going to come from a cafe that i worked in more than 2 years ago but i know for sure he did it on purpose. Its a tactic to try and get rid of me. It isn’t paranoia on my part. He wants to hurt me. He knows that I am working in a clothing store but did it to show or for it to look like he doesn’t pay attention to what we talk about and basically to show again that he doesn’t care. So what better way to get rid of someone then make out like you don’t remember anything they say.

    He makes no effort to see me and insults me every phone call but if i look down the list of text messages in my phone not one of those people is doing what he does. They also don’t think they are gods gift to the world.

    The fact that he can spend hundred of dollars on a road trip hours and hours away but not drive 1/2 hour to see me, for me personally is enough to see where his priorities lie and it is with himself and only with people who fall into the category or what he thinks is the best match.

    He’s just a stubborn child. So where all those other people. They ALL ended up sick and on medication thanks to their stubbornness. (i am talking bout the people who used to come and see me for help)

    Hes to busy playing stupid games on the phone because he’s imagined in his mind that I am someone other than who i say I am with the help of those around him.

    Hes to busy being self absorbed. My mum now calls him the cuckoo boy.

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  7. Bea

    I reread your and C responses and then i found this

    http://lesliecanearticles.com/hes-always-comparing-me-to-other-woman-and-its-ruining-our-marriage/

    At the end of the article there is a link that says “very personal story” Click and read that one also after reading the article above. There is various links through out the article, click on those and read them also if you like.

    I didn’t see things from this angle. Especially what she says about why they compare you to other women.

    Im not sure what happened after reading these 2 articles and the links from the articles and the TW Watson video (you will see the link for that also) but I suddenly stopped caring. i don’t know if the word I am looking for is caring but this is what I should have done along time ago and I intuitively knew it also.

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