Thinking about the person you want to be instead of what is happening around you is going to allow you to enjoy your current reality instead of feeling that you are missing your desired one.
If you are struggling to stay happy in your current reality, you must start focusing on yourself.
The question is, what do you tend to base your self-confidence, your sense of personal value, on?
Some base their sense of personal value on their great family, job, social or financial status. In some cases, people know that these external factors will stay with them forever but what about those who base their sense of personal value on the world’s perception of their social status, the people in their life who build them up or pretty much anything they have instead of who they are, no matter what that is?
You might know your family isn’t that great but others think it is so you keep up appearances because you like the admiration you are getting.
Your family might be great so you base your sense of self-worth on having that family but what would you do if you suddenly didn’t have that family tomorrow? I’m not saying you won’t but would it make you any less worthy? Of course it wouldn’t but you might start to think that it does. You might already feel like you would have nothing if you didn’t have them anymore.
You might know that the work you do comes with as many (if not more) drawbacks as well as benefits yet everyone else seems to admire the perception of what you do so you pretend like it’s the most amazing job in the world. You like the validation so you let them think it’s just as good as it sounds.
Your relationship might not be making you happy anymore but many other people see it ideal in some way. You know that you would rather live a life of integrity than a lie but at the same time, shattering this image would feel additionally shocking to you because it would also shock so many other individuals.
There are numerous examples of this but they all signal the same thing – allowing external factors to be a source of your own confidence instead of the internal factors such as self-confidence based on being strong and positive, intelligent and internally attractive. That is who you are and the rest is merely what you have.
I am not saying that you will but losing any of these external factors at some point in life would cause you to feel like you lost a part of yourself if you based your self-worth on having them. True sense of self-worth is based on you – who you are, how you think, handle situations, solve problems and how worthy you feel of happiness – regardless of the external factors you may have.
Who you are decides on what you will end up having. Those who don’t take care of who they are risk clinging too hard on something that they have and then losing it. I am not saying that this will happen to you but once you start to rely on your own support instead of something that you have, life will become much easier! Once you start to rely on your own opinion alone, you will lighten up your own life and awareness, and inspire others to do the same (not to mention that focusing on yourself allows you to finally see what you want and not just what you like having in your life because it’s comfortable but doesn’t ignite any passion inside of you).
People tend to rely on the external factors because it’s easier that way…but what if those factors disappeared? What if tomorrow, you lost one of them or realized you never had it in the first place? That is why it is important to start focusing on yourself, even if you never lose any of these external factors. At the same time, if you already know that you are clinging onto some of these too hard, now is the perfect time to start focusing on yourself instead.
Common examples of lacking self-confidence due to the “right” external factors are:
- Not knowing what you want to do with your life after graduation;
- Not being able to afford everything you want right now and wondering if you ever will just because you can’t right now instead of believing in yourself and attracting it;
- Being told what you “should” know and how you “should” feel and feeling unaccepted just because you don’t know it and feel it instead of listening to yourself, what you want to know and what you want to feel;
- Thinking that your desires aren’t manifesting fast enough, as if you would not survive without them (when clearly, you already are);
- Not having a family that boosts your sense of self-worth, as if they are the ones who decide it and not you;
- Allowing yourself to be embarrassed by those you know – only you can decide to feel embarrassed and no one else can decide it for you.
- Not having the kind of partner your close ones approve of, as if they are the ones who should decide on your relationship and who you love.
There are so many more important things in life – much bigger and much more important. These are just the bad habits of society and insecure individuals which I am guessing you do not want to be.
Insecure individuals use society’s “standards” to feel better about themselves and then, they use you and your refusal to comply with those “standards” as a reason to put you down and falsely feel better about themselves for a few minutes; only they don’t realize that by trying to put you down, they are merely putting themselves down instead.
They cannot decide how you feel; only you can do that. However, they can be a great reminder of why one should never base their sense of self-worth on the external factors because these people are everywhere.
However, they’re irrelevant – it’s your sense of gain and loss that is the only relevant factor here.
When you gain true confidence, one that comes from you and your choices of feelings and actions based on who you are, you will already feel like you have everything.
Have you ever wondered where basing your confidence on external factors even came from and why it was accepted as a norm?
Wanting to base self-confidence on external factors is tempting because it is always a quick fix. Haven’t we all been tempted to feel this way at one point or another? The trick is to move away from this kind of thinking because it’s too easy and not in a good way.
It is too easy to let others decide on your life for you and that is why so many individuals accept it – they don’t have to make any decisions that way.
Decision making means personal responsibility which is still too much for some people to handle…but hey, who cares, right? It’s only their life we’re talking about.
If you should start to think of any change in your life as a small, solvable or temporary thing, you would automatically see that you, your optimism and your amazing spirit for living are above them.
I have been unsure of what I wanted to do in life. I have been unemployed and grown unhappy in some work engagements. I have given up on plenty of romantic relationships on their due date. I had to manifest my ideal body. I felt that my writing wasn’t good enough at times and I was bored with it at others. I had to work hard to become good at certain things, even if I wanted them. I was bored with the things I had more than once. I wanted a change more than once. But so what? Life was meant to serve me, not the other way around. When these feelings come up, some give up and others decide what they want instead.
What will you decide today?
If you focus on your happiness, you will make the choices that serve it but I can tell you right now that basing your happiness on yourself instead of what you have is always the right choice.
Even if your desire is to be admired, don’t be admired for what you have – be admired for who you are and inspire others to be themselves.