The other night, I was in a deep discussion with a friend as we were driving around the city at 2 a.m.. Sharing experiences of recent and not-so-recent encounters with men, her accurate grasp of relationships absolutely amazed me.
Insightful and astute, my friend instantly pinpointed the gist of any story she or I shared. I was humbled in the most amazing way, in adoration and respect of this fresh mind – not perspective but the mind itself, as she managed to angle her perception any which way in order to reach the necessary answers. Her mind was just flawlessly on.
My own mind wasn’t entirely on that particular night. I found myself drifting from jokes to listening without responding verbally, focused as my listening was. The night was fun but after a while, I wanted to change my current state of mind. My moments of disconnect happen rarely but I have long decided to own them when they do, admitting to thinly veiled jokes and my entirely honest thoughts. Calling it as I feel it, I feel better when I admit it anyway. Secrets have no use and pretence has no place in a happy and more importantly, free individual’s life.
Keeping secrets is a burden, mostly when you keep your own…and every individual pretending to be someone else keeps the biggest secret of all. Avoiding authenticity has no place in happy relationships and if you wish to attract them, loving and accepting yourself fully is what attracts love and acceptance from your desired partner, even in moments of disagreement.
Pretending to be anyone other than who you are equals keeping a secret.
My friend openly expressed her current views and faced the evolvement of her situation with acceptance and positivity; much to her glee, she experienced a positive turnaround less than an hour after I dropped her off. In regard to one particular discussion, she opened my mind – a gesture I was immensely grateful for. In another discussion, her kind words appealed to my already open heart.
She had made me think.
My friend attracted what she wanted by accepting the current reality for what it was, feeling good about herself and the other person, and lovingly imagining the future.
She helped me back into my sense of inner peace which I attracted with her help.
Best part, this discussion didn’t even seem heavy. I am used to feeling so light that either anything feels light or what feels heavy I apologize for bringing up but this was serious yet normal, natural and typical of the way life goes. It was comforting and positive.
I am a person with specific preferences that knows what she wants. I like my mind clear and respectfully expressive which usually leads to rediscovering that most people aren’t used to honesty. When it comes to relationships, I also experienced moments of thinking that a profoundly happy love was the simplest thing to ask for yet the most complicated goal to achieve but when I say moments, I literally mean moments – my positive mind would allow me to snap out of it momentarily and remember what I believed instead. Fleeting is not a problem as long as it doesn’t equate one’s core belief (and then, it isn’t fleeting anyway). That night, my friend reminded me of my goals instead of allowing me to indulge in short-term distractions. She helped me out of that moment and back into my positive thoughts while her story inspired me.
My relationship goals are my core and mental distractions are temporary – I feel like I’ve been coming to terms with this particular lesson since the beginning of the year.
My friend also reminded me of something unexpected – when faced with conflicted thoughts, talking them out helps. I prefer talking about my conflicted thoughts to be as brief as possible, never going into overtime, as my fastest track to their (dis)solution tends to be calling them what they are and moving forward. Indulging in them has never made me happy and I doubt it ever could. Indulging in negative thoughts is nothing but mental hibernation.
Those who indulge in negative thoughts about relationships continue to attract the same type of person and relationship over and over. If you are currently attracting the type of person and relationship you don’t want anymore, you simply must change focus.
My friend had – starting off conflicted about her relationship, she eventually began to feel good about it and manifested its improvement. She attracted improvement with the same person.
I needed to self-improve that night and she helped me. I am a better person for it, as I have faced and resolved my latest annoyances with her help.