Every relationship conflict starts with an internal conflict of not knowing what one wants, doubting one’s self-worth or the fear of being alone.
No one has ever entered a relationship feeling amazing about themselves and ending up in a miserable situation out of nowhere – this just doesn’t happen. One brings one’s own issues into a relationship which can only be an expression of one’s inner world, not an uncontrollable external force that has suddenly shattered one’s confidence. We can only work with what we bring in, whether or not this specific awareness changes throughout the course of a relationship. Even if one changes during a relationship, it was one’s choice to change.
My coaching clients who are reading this blog could tell you that every relationship problem goes back to self-perception and that is why we work on their self-love and personal confidence while creating a positive perception of relationship simultaneously. Looking back on your relationship history, it would soon become apparent to you that you held onto the same inner feelings every time (or at least most of the time). Our relationships can’t change until we start to feel better about ourselves, with or without them.
One must become aware of the fact that no relationship can fix their insecurities, mood or awareness.
What we bring into a relationship, we express. One could be in a seemingly perfect relationship but would most likely continue to face the same personal conflicts until they chose to deal with that part of themselves for themselves and their benefit first and the benefit of their relationship second. We must be complete within ourselves in order to have happy relationships.
When one is complete within themselves, they might love another enough to help them heal. I sometimes have a feeling that my boyfriend loves me enough to actually help me heal the flawed parts of my character but I am also aware that this is something I must take full responsibility for, all on my own. What helps is having someone by my side who wants to help when I’m not feeling like my usual happy self and for that I am immensely grateful for. However, when one takes care of their emotional well being by continuously reinforcing positive self-perception, these instances happen rarely.
The reason we must be happy on our own in order to create happy relationships is because nurturing positive self-perception is the only way to connect to the reality of life and distinguish the relevant from the irrelevant. Positive self perception enables us to distinguish our feelings from our unrealistic fears and see another person clearly instead of through the eyes of our phobias.
We can only see others clearly when we love ourselves because self-love relaxes our bodies and minds, allowing us to connect to the true essence of the world and the people in it without judgment and with trust that happiness is meant for us, the only possibility in our lives.
Some might not believe in happiness but they want it anyway. These are the people who have accepted their life as it is, even if it didn’t make them as happy as they deserved to be. However, these individuals can find happiness, too, especially when they become perfectly content with their place in life – that is letting go and it always leads to receiving even more. It is those that focus on what they are missing who find themselves always wanting something more, feeling incomplete without it.
As a life coach, I sometimes feel guilty for the moments when I am not 100%. At the same time, I know how to get through those moments and being with someone I love who actually makes it even easier to get through them reminds me that I am allowed to have imperfections just like anyone else. Bouncing back from feeling down at times is much more important than trying to stay positive all the time – no one is perfect and we don’t have to be – but we must be able to face our true feelings and admit them to ourselves. And if we can admit them to others, more power to us!
My advice is to focus on creating your own happiness by having the courage to be and act like the person you wish to be. Be comfortable with yourself for yourself and watch your belief in your desired reality grow. Watch yourself suddenly give and believe while feeling and expressing happiness as you start (and continue) to focus on what truly matters.