Thought of the Day

Focusing on another person more than you focus on yourself is simply exhausting.

Worrying about their feelings more than you do your own is exhausting.

Prioritizing them over yourself is exhausting, as it inadvertently leads to putting yourself down.

Feeling more need for them than you do for your own happiness is the most exhausting thing of all.

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10 Comments

  1. Hi Nina,

    Thank you for this wonderful blog; it has been really helpful.

    I struggle with trusting the universe, in the face of feeling let down by it numerous times. Just a small example, but still something that is dearly meaningful to me: I asked for a simple text message reply from a specific person. I asked, filled that request with nothing but positivity, trust, and belief, and let it go. I didn’t think about it, or worry about it again- I fell asleep quite early, actually. …but in the end, my request was not fulfilled. This certainly is not the first time. I always pick myself up, go through the same process expecting result, and often, there is silence. It is to the point now that I actually feel distrustful of the concept of a universe that answers “all our requests”, and feel abandoned. How do you deal with maintaining faith, when there are so many prior examples of requests not being fulfilled?

    Like

    1. Hello! As soon as you observe that it’s not fulfilled yet and feel sad, you must switch back to believing that the Universe will give you what you want because when you convince yourself of that, you will let go and receive. Also, when you notice that it isn’t here yet, it means you have to keep believing because our only choice is to believe until it manifests. We simply must do this.
      I just know that because I have asked for something, I must receive it…and that is because I have decided it’s a done deal. Belief is a choice.

      Like

  2. Hi Nina

    I hope that you are well. I am in a 5 month relationship and for the first time in 5 months my boyfriend and I have been arguing for 3 weeks straight. I constantly need reassurance from him and pick most of our fights. He just got back on social media after months of not having a smartphone. He used to call and text me a lot. But now he spends more time chatting to his friends on Whatsapp as a result our relationship is taking a strain because there is now minimal communication between us. I’m really feeling depressed about all of this. It hurts. I’m currently unemployed and at home so I don’t have much to do and anything to keep me busy. I only see him on weekends because his car is broken. Am I being unreasonable Nina? Am I asking for too much maybe? How do I save my relationship and take things back to how they were? Is there a way in which I can make him fall hard for me again?

    Like

  3. Thank you so much, Nina!

    I just wanted to provide an update, in part to thank everyone who has posted and helped me, and hopefully to help others.

    As most people here, I found this blog after a break-up. The first time I met this man, I knew I has going to marry him. Everything was going so beautifully until I let my insecurities get in the way- nothing that I ever said or did, but how I felt. I’m convinced he was able to pick up on this.

    After a while, we slowly regained contact with each other, but it was pretty stagnant. I was getting frustrated with lack of progress. Last week I finally *let go*. Before, I always “let go” just in attempt to get him back. This time I finally let go, for me. Internally, I wished him well, and felt true inner peace. I started living for me, without any expectation to regain that beautiful relationship back.

    One week later, he started contacting me (normally it was the other way around), said he missed me, and asked me away for the weekend to work things out. The funny thing is, although I’m very happy, it’s not like my world just changed. That feels good. This time, after repeating the same pattern over and over again with all my romantic relationships, I’ve finally realized the importance of putting “me” first, and to overcome the anxiety of how the relationship should be progressing. …and most importantly, learning true, sincere Unconditional love, where I expect absolutely nothing in return, and love him for who he is, because I am ok with who I am.

    It’s hard sometimes to trust some “mysterious” force. But, in the end, I believe it was the only thing that brought us together. I tried for months to make it work. But just one week after finding real peace, my biggest wish came true, without any effort on my part.

    I really appreciate every post on this blog.

    Like

    1. Hi K,

      Thank you so much for sharing, and i’m so happy to hear of your progress.

      What do you recommend or feel that helped you get over the anxiety of how the relationship should be progressing?

      Any tips or things that you did specifically?

      Thank you,
      C

      Like

  4. I think a lot of it had to do with the fact that I was just tired of being sad over him, and giving him the power to make me sad and anxious. I kept telling myself I love him “unconditionally” when I really wasn’t. I was always wanting something in return, either a text message reply, to just loving me back. My actions weren’t supporting my words, and that was causing a lot of internal strife. I guess I just wanted to regain my happiness back. …so, I owned up to the fact that only I could do this, and realized that it really wasn’t about him at all.

    I took a look at why (at 35) my relationships never worked out with really great men. I suspect it’s because I was always worried that “the next step” wouldn’t come…which of course, never did, just because that’s what I believed. But really, the “next step” shouldn’t matter if you’re sincerely enjoying and loving the partner you want/with, and probably even more important, enjoying and loving your own life.

    For that reason, I just stopped caring so much. It felt like a huge load off my chest. I didn’t realize how much it really was dragging me down, and I knew I would be just fine even if he didn’t come back. I took some time to reflect on the amazing times he gave me, wished him a lot of love in his life, and then started to regain my own life. Putting my own happiness first is a lesson that I’ve finally learned, and promised myself I will never forget it.

    It took a while to get to this point. I’ve tried to “let go” before, but there was a part of me that almost didn’t want to get over him because maybe that meant I was giving up, and we would be done for good… but in the end, I just wanted my real, true happiness back more than anything.

    The letting go part is so tough, because it seems like if you do, the universe won’t answer your prayers. Giving power to some invisible force was always difficult for me to truly believe. I am so glad I did.

    C, find *your* happiness- through and through- and the rest will follow ☺

    Like

    1. Thanks for sharing that K! Yes, this is always what Nina says. It’s nice to hear different perspectives, and how different people let go 🙂

      I really appreciate it and relate a lot to what you wrote here.

      -C

      Like

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