Whatever our needs are, we should consider them small; if we consider our needs massive, there’s a chance that we’ll begin to fear never meeting them and finding them elusive.
Our needs are not something we should apologize for, as long as they don’t hurt other people. As long as they don’t hurt us. We should look at the essence of our needs and let them navigate our desires. Do we truly need a specific person or just love in general? Do we keep asking a specific person not to love us but to meet the needs we can only meet ourselves?
Asking yourself these questions can lead to enlightening answers. Or, it could simply make you see that you do need what you thought you did and you do want who you said you wanted so good for you – you know yourself! Asking these questions in a win-win. You either learn about yourself or confirm that you know you.
Now, here’s the difference between seeing our needs as normal and deeming them borderline unattainable.
If we feel that we want to be with someone but consider the relationship impossible to attract, we will develop a need to do so – this is where difficulty creates its illusion.
Need is an illusion. Difficulty is an illusion. We are actually here to make ourselves happy and love those who fit into that happiness. We are not here to depend on happiness from someone else. That would be unfair.
Need would be real if our happiness truly depended on someone else; then, we could argue that a romantic partner’s presence was essential to our happiness but as it happens, life is set up so that those who flaunt this argument must lose. We are here to give all the happiness we need to ourselves because, why should someone else have that kind of control over our lives?
They shouldn’t. Ever. And they can’t – even when we think we’re miserable because of someone else, it was our choice to be. Another person should not have the power to come into our lives and fix everything but many have experienced an amazing person coming into their lives and motivating them to fix that life themselves! Now, that is a positive influence.
By thinking that someone else has the power to meet our needs, we are making those needs elusive by choice. We are making them difficult because how could meeting our needs ever be easy when it depends on someone else’s grace and good will?
It wouldn’t, it isn’t and it doesn’t. Meeting our needs depends on no one but ourselves. Think about it – no matter how much someone tries to cheer you up, you never cooperate unless you feel like it. You don’t let them make you feel better unless you’re open to feeling it first. Unless you want to feel it.
Even when you open up to it, you will still want to be with specific people or specific types of people. Not everyone will correspond to your happiness but that’s okay. Sometimes it won’t be the first person you see that turns out to be the one and that’s okay – we’ve covered this concept in the past. But believing in being with and seeing yourself with the one while living a happy life of activities and with people who correspond to our happiness, such as family and friends, all those who make you laugh, is going to bring the two of you together.
Needs are met elsewhere, and The One is not your need. The One is your choice. And our needs are met within us.