I find the majority of love advice to be encouraging of one’s constant focus on the relationship.
However, I personally find the perfect formula to be a mix of focus on the relationship and giving it the space it also needs by engaging in your own beloved life interests – they make us happier and then, we bring that happiness into the relationship.
Even when it involves others, everything one creates in life is an expression of themselves.
Two people can harbor a friendship while seeing it with completely different (pairs of) eyes. One of these friends may feel they have a friend who will always be there while the other might feel they sacrifice much of their time for a friend while getting less in return. This banal example means that each of these two individuals holds a different self-perception/awareness than the other, resulting in different events manifesting in their lives.
These two individuals think differently of themselves and therefore perceive their lives to be writing two different stories. The second friend might be less and less motivated to give to the first because something we are missing in life (a version of unconditional support, in this case) makes us unhappy. The second friend may also decide to improve the friendship or move on – also a sign of self-perception, one’s desires and everything they believe to have deserved.
Look around you – you have created everything you have. Your job, your house, your salary, the relationships you have with those you love – how you feel about them reflects how you feel about yourself. You may have taken what you have for granted at times while all of it would have meant the world to someone else.
On the other hand, someone else may have everything you do but feel differently about it. They might live in an apartment of equal square footage but consider it too small while deeming themselves incapable of owning one they truly want. They might hold the same kind of job as you but feel differently about it. They might see themselves owning something you want but are unsure you can have. They might not see themselves as someone who can have many friends while you do.
What do you value? What are you missing, if anything? Is there anything you desire but feel unworthy of? Is there something you know you will soon receive? I am asking because a change in your self-perception will result in a change in your life.
Just like you have created everything in your life, you can intentionally create what you want and for that to happen, you have to become someone who is convinced they’ve got it all. When you believe you’ve got it all, you will indeed. Abundance perceived is abundance obtained.
In order to be a happy one, your life has to be a true expression of you.
Is your job a true expression of who you are? In what way are you expressing yourself throughout your job? Are there aspects of yourself you feel the need to mask at work?
Is your lifestyle a true expression of you? Do you live just as you wanted or do you compromise in order to satisfy the needs of your family, friends or partner?
Is your relationship a true expression of who you are? Are you living it just as you want to or have you compromised on its crucial aspects because you felt insecure to seek out what you truly wanted?
Are you receiving desired reactions from others? Do they see you as you see yourself?
Our lives are genuine expressions of ourselves if they are what we wanted them to be. It doesn’t matter when any of us realized what we truly wanted, just that we did. It doesn’t matter if throughout life, some of us have changed our minds about what we wanted, as long as we realized where our hearts were.
On the other hand, if one knows they’re not living the life they truly want, they have forgotten themselves. My question is, is it really worth it?
I continuously encounter individuals who believe a great relationship is something they are entitled to.
A great relationship is something everyone deserves, just like any other blessing in life. Everyone deserves to experience happiness but those that receive it have in fact earned it with their positive mindsets, respect for others and gratitude for their lives.
Everyone deserves it but a positive individual earns it, allowing a happy relationship to come into one’s reality.
On the other hand, those projecting negative energy (be it frustration, desperation, negative self-image, impatience, rudeness or general dissatisfaction) are continuously preventing what they deserve, a great relationship in this case, to appear in their lives.
You get what you give; genuine appreciation for life, your own and those of others, ensures you will receive an abundance of goodness in return. You merely need to find that appreciation.
The idea of an amazing relationship being earned holds truth but requires explanation; stating this idea as simply as it looks in writing may evoke negative reactions instead of positive. One becomes worthy of a great relationship by viewing oneself in a positive light, focusing on everything they enjoy in life, respecting one’s unique qualities as well as the qualities of others and having personal integrity that ensures standing by one’s personal beliefs.
Many believe they must earn a great relationship by fulfilling requirements such as career success, a larger-than-life personality, financial wealth or being classically good looking. However, basic creation principles state that one’s beliefs create one’s awareness; for example, individuals who deeply believe they cannot earn a great relationship until they have a great job will encounter specific experiences reflecting those beliefs.
The truth is, the relationship you desire has nothing to do with your social status unless you decide to believe it. Those who stick to beliefs such as “Once I get a good job, I will have inner peace and be ready for a relationship” will most likely find that the job, the relationship and the inner peace continue to elude them. Postponing those experiences by masking them as future goals will ensure they remain distant goals, making it impossible to catch up to that “perfect future.”
Now, I am not saying your desires are irrelevant but for as long as you think “I’ll be confident once I have this,” you are creating a future goal that will always remain in the future. In reality, you must be feel deserving of your goals now, feeling confident in yourself before you can obtain them.
Contrary to popular belief, relationships have nothing to do with your social status, level of wealth, professional success or your looks. When it comes to relationships, you merely need to be confident in the person you are. You need to draw your confidence from internal factors instead of external. You need to recognize your personal qualities, the beauty of your physical traits, your intelligence and gratitude for everything you have in life.
One of the best ways to earn a great relationship rests in developing self-confidence, self-comfort and self-acceptance.
Amplifying those character traits with a positive mindset will allow you to focus on everything you love in life instead of everything you are currently missing. If you focus on your positive traits, you will effortlessly focus on your (potential) partner’s positive traits, enjoying your relationship immensely and solving problems in it easily. Suddenly, you will come to realize relationships were intended to be easy and enjoyable instead of being a constant ego battle between opposing sides. If you have an eye on a potential partner, you will be encouraged to communicate with them as you have recognized your own qualities while appreciating them for theirs. You will realize how much there is to be liked about you!
If you believe your looks are insufficient to evoke attraction in another, you will project an unhappy demeanor, tension and insecurity. The best part is, you can decide to focus on the aspects of your appearance you like instead. You can appreciate your beauty instead of focusing on the reasons it is less than perfect. This positive energy will evoke even more of the same, allowing you to feel increasingly great about yourself.
Ultimately, is there a real reason you should feel negatively about your appearance? Everyone holds a different idea of what beauty means. More importantly, we all respond to each other’s energy much stronger than any physical attributes – every time you were attracted someone who wasn’t your “type” proves that.
Do you compare yourself to others? This is another mistake which can prevent you from receiving life’s goods. Do you believe you must match an ideal another specific person represents to you while considering anything “less” to be insufficient? This mindset only states your lack of appreciation for yourself, as you feel undeserving of love. Even if you think your (potential) partner only wants the ideal you have imagined he/she must, it doesn’t mean you’re right.
We all know the story – one perceives their desired partner to be “too good for me.” “He/She is out of my league,” they imagine, never making a move or deeming themselves worthy instead. This thought process is perpetuated until the object of their affection meets someone else.
There are plenty of similar examples. However, it all comes down to the following.
Searching for the reasons to postpone living a happy relationship only shows that you doubt your own value. If recognizing the said value undoubtedly ensures finding a great relationship, what is the point of feeling inadequate?
Be confident in the person you are. If you can do that, you will find out what makes you happy, who makes you happy and what you want to do with your life. However, knowing you’re an amazing person is where it begins.
Making sense of the current reality is challenging enough but what can happen in a manifestation process is noticing the absence of a desire becoming one’s entire point of focus on the current reality.
This never happens intentionally. I mean, who would actually want to notice the absence of their desired manifestation?! No one. However, without proper guidance, strong focus and belief, distraction could come and take you away from your goal.
Knowing that everything you want is yours implies unconditional belief (which doesn’t mean that belief absolutely must be challenged during a manifestation process but if it is, so what – you choose your reality anyway) which is exactly what keeps you focused on your goal.
When you believe, your belief is all you need. Belief doesn’t ask for proof or a timeline. Belief is just there, like your desire is already there as far as your feelings are concerned and when you feel like it’s there already, you start manifesting.
Belief is everything. Belief allows you to experience everything you want immediately, let it go and allow yourself to manifest. Belief creates the fulfillment of having your desire.
I express gratitude for what I want being mine already until I don’t feel like thinking about it anymore – to me, that is the easiest way to let go. I love my desire but I also love having other interests in life besides my desire. I love manifesting new talents because I love when life is easy for me yet I sense a great deal of apprehension when I ask others how easy life is for them.
Many feel uncomfortable with the idea of an easy life, preferring it to be a fantasy rather than reality. Growing up, many were indirectly told they would only be valued individuals if blood, sweat and tears were involved, leaving those people untrusting of anything life offers them for free.
However, Law of Attraction wants you to be given as many things for free as you want. It wants your life to be easy and give nothing but positive feelings while receiving everything in return. You don’t actually need to bargain in life, especially for the things you care most about. You can have everything.
Think about it – if the Universe wants everything to be easy, what good is it to make our lives hard?
Making our lives difficult is the way to prevent manifesting our desires.
When you perceive difficulty, more of it comes and you dislike it. That is proof enough of difficulty going against our nature and purpose.
We often forget that relationship focus and coaching exist beyond simply manifesting the relationship you want. Once it’s manifested, you must keep it, and you will do so by dealing with your deepest issues which every one of your relationship problems came from in the past. If you deal with those, Law of Attraction will draw even more love into your romance than you had before because resolving your issues results in feeling good about yourself, finally attracting your dreams as a result.
That is how the process goes.
An existing couple is no different – they might get over a fight but the same issues will keep causing new ones in the future unless they are resolved. It’s not about the fight itself but about what causes it, and unless that issue causing a fight is addressed, it will keep coming back in different forms.
Some prefer to believe that the cause of a single fight was their partner’s reaction to our words, their words or specific actions; however, the cause of a fight lies in one’s (or both parties’) issues that have existed long before they even met their partner. When a fight happens, we don’t react to something we don’t care about. We actually react because our partner’s words or actions reminded us of an unpleasant feeling we’ve been holding onto for a while before we met them. We then project their words onto those feelings and end up upset, disregarding the notion they never meant to upset us and were just expressing themselves while we took it the way we did.
Fights can take over a relationship and we shouldn’t let them. Actually facing and dealing with those issues leading to them by causing us to be upset at someone’s words are what we should actually be facing. We have to be honest with ourselves about those issues if we want them to disappear and stop making us miserable, and we can make LoA work for us by doing so.
Issues can be dealt with in two ways – by thinking positive about ourselves and everything in our lives which leads us to easily resolving them by realizing we have outgrown them, or by facing them and realizing why they don’t matter anymore. Either way, it is by devaluing them because negative thoughts can cause misery if we choose to give them meaning.
We are much better off knowing our true self is stronger than any negative thoughts we may be holding on to. What hurts you doesn’t deserve you, and it certainly doesn’t deserve your attention.
Think well of yourself and think about those you love and admire. Focus on the people whose company you adore, and imagine spending time with them. All these things will shift your focus to personal happiness which leads to confidence in yourself and seeing yourself having what you want.
I have always had a very specific trigger to negative feelings in a relationship. I value feeling special and seeing myself as such, and when a boyfriend makes me feel anything but, my taste for the relationship starts to wane. In a relationship, I always give what I wish to receive by expressing how much my partner means to me yet my patience for being with someone who doesn’t express himself well enough has left me over the years. I want someone who dares to say what he means, has the courage to dive into love, be romantic and show me how much I mean to him.
In the past, I would summon enough love to see beyond hearing what I didn’t like but today, I want someone who sees and realizes that I want to be put first, because I put my partner first. Those who have no interest in doing this can move along.
Sometimes, it is easier for us to say that we “feel like this is happening, that’s how it’s gonna play out” and let the Law of Attraction work – this particular mindset can be an easy way out when it comes to manifesting relationships, as we sometimes feel more natural thinking that the outcome is our of our control. However, even when we “can feel the relationship will go this way,” we are choosing this outcome for our lives!
Every “feeling” you think may have come from somewhere else was also your choice to acknowledge and embrace, and with that, give meaning to and decide that it was to be the outcome of your manifestation; now, since you know that, choose the outcome you want and decide that that one was meant to be!
We choose the outcome of every situation, even when we don’t think we do.
And at times, I focused on what I didn’t like to the extend that I had to decide if whether I wanted to stay or leave the relationship.
If the situation doesn’t suit you and you don’t want to fix it, walk away. Time is much better spent thinking about having what you want than disliking what you have. Some issues in a relationship we don’t care to fix.
If you want to fix your own issues on the other hand, preventing them from interfering with your future relationship with the right person, face them and realize that they’re probably outdated. Chances are you already spent a sufficient amount of time dealing with them and it is time to put them behind you – this very notion is often enough to stop thinking about a problem.
If you want closure, visualizing a positive scenario in which your issue has been resolved. Visualize injustice corrected and a chance to tell someone what you wish to tell them. Imagine this playing out in your perfect but positive scenario because visualizing it in a negative and upset way will not make it go away.
Then, you will automatically put it behind you for good.
You have to play the lead role in your own reality instead of putting the person you want to manifest a relationship with first. You can prioritize them but imagine the relationship and your love as you want it and as it makes you happy!
I mean, being able to love someone the way you want to and have them love you back…don’t you love the thought of that?
I went out for a friend’s birthday last night. It was great until about 3:30 a.m. when the quality of music dropped. I became desperate to go home and this morning, I woke up with a headache. I feel like I must have attracted it due to complaining, even just to myself; on the other hand, it could have been due to slight exhaustion from staying up for twenty four hours, swimming for four in the morning and then dancing for another four in the middle of the night. Either way, I need a painkiller, as my second coffee alone isn’t helping right now.
When you live seeking out your personal joys, you also begin to desire a healthy amount of quiet, recovery days, which feel even better than you can imagine.
Living with the purpose of enjoying ourselves and also enjoying some quiet time prevents you from having enough energy to ever engage in overthinking or even negative thoughts, benefiting your well being and directing your focus to seeking out even more joys in the days to come. And today, all I wanted was some quiet time. I wanted to not think about anything besides some work, some food and some TV. I needed to unwind.
As it tends to happen, physical pain can cause negative thoughts just like any other physical sensation does. I felt so bad physically that I started to have odd thoughts; however, I soon realized that it wasn’t any serious fear acting as a cause of these thoughts. I was just hungry and a body running on empty affects one’s mind accordingly.
This has happened before and I would always divert from negative thoughts…if I wanted to leave the situation badly enough. When I was hospitalized for appendicitis surgery, I summoned the motivation to start feeling better and be released. When I hated my second high school (our of three, in three different countries), I summoned all the motivation I need to manifest moving away with my family once again. But I didn’t want to leave my bed today which made it difficult to manifest a change in circumstances. So I just decided to manifest a headache away and magically found a painkiller even though I was convinced there were none left in the house. But the Universe always provides. I still have no idea where it came from.
After the painkiller kicked in, I could feel my body relaxing and was sure my confusing thoughts were about to disappear. I wanted to sleep but also work at the same time. Then, one of my best friends called me which made me very happy. I needed something wonderful to do and I had found it. I knew that if I distracted myself, my negative thoughts would pass, even though they made no sense to me at all. I believed my brain was just tired.
Negative thoughts passed as soon as I took something meaningful from them. Suddenly, I got to know certain answers and believe it was the Universe’s way of helping me relax even more. The Universe had sent me a message that said, “Don’t even react. None of our negative thoughts ever make sense!” I knew it but then remembered that over the past week, I had been working on a new theory of removing them, all for the purpose of a new book I’ve been working on. Now, I was given a chance to test my own theory by observing the thoughts that came from physical discomfort, and I have gained new insight into dealing with them. I have been asked about this by several readers and clients, and have always looked for new ways of removing those thoughts that bother so many because it is my goal to make lives easier.
Let’s face it – most of our negative thoughts are self-imposed and not at all connected to the people or situations we assign them to. If you simply let them pass, no matter how weird and uncomfortable they feel, or remind yourself they are meaningless and irrelevant, you will come to a point where they feel so ridiculous that you won’t even understand where they came from in the first place.
Law of Attraction advice isn’t just about getting what you want – it is also about relaxing yourself so that you could imagine having what you want which is the necessary first step. Much of the Law of Attraction advice can be explained in elaborate stages but it always comes down to the simplest concepts – feel the positive, ignore the negative, believe in what you want before you see the proof of it and don’t be afraid. Maybe it is the reminder of those concepts that holds the biggest Law of Attraction lessons, as the point is to remind yourself of what you already learned in order to create new, positive habits.
Negative thoughts seem even more distant now that I’ve just let them flow and had said to myself they were entirely self-imposed. I can look at their triggers and say, no. I have witnessed enough paranoia to make me realize that we don’t put ourselves into another person’s intentions by thinking negative thoughts about them but do so by thinking positive. We choose to engage in negative thoughts and perceptions about certain situations because of what we think, not because of the nature of that situation. We must stop perceiving our negative thoughts as some kind of threat – they’re simply here to tell us what not to think.
The less we think about how to remove any negative thoughts and the more we ignore them, the sooner they will go away. I could explain it in as many ways as you can imagine but it all comes down to this same idea. You might wonder how exactly you should distract yourself and the answer is, either by ignoring or persistence. Do something you enjoy until you forget about those thoughts you’ve been having, ask yourself why you have them for the purpose of realizing they only come from you or simply choose to think about something else. Just don’t think about “what they mean” or you’ll end up assigning meaning to them, scaring yourself in the process.
In short, if I only have negative thoughts when I’m tired, hungry and suffering a headache, they are completely self-imposed, not to mention circumstantial. Observe your own negative thoughts – do you recognize the same patterns?
Still happy, over my headache and ready for bed. Good night!
There is an idea I continuously struggle with – why does ageing, the most normal concept in the world, absolutely must mean “growing older” by default? And I wouldn’t have a problem with this if, according to society, it didn’t automatically mean having to drop everything they loved about themselves or life because beauty, self love and joy are usually only associated with those aged twenty five or less (or older but rich and famous, worst case).
But should you really listen to society? Law of Attraction says that the way you see yourself is the way others will see you, and that you will attract people who agree with your positive awareness into your life and see you exactly as you see yourself.
You don’t have to see yourself as old just because you’re older than twenty five. You don’t have to perceive yourself as “older” with every passing year. You are simply moving forward chronologically but do not force yourself to become “older” as a result, especially not by engaging in negative thoughts about yourself due to age.
You only grow older if you feel older but the simple concept of ageing does not mean you have to lose your youthful spirit.
And I’m not going to lie to you, I have a hard time standing people who use their age as an excuse to stop trying and start feeling entitled in life. They are not attractive. They are undervaluing and underselling themselves every day for no good reason, yet they deserve as much love and happiness as any other (young) person or any person they admire and look up to.
Why is “young” only limited to your mean twenties and below? I’m thirty three which is still very young. Any age is too young for something. Two is too young to start school. Thirteen is too young to call yourself an adult, start working full time and live on your own. Sixty is too young to die. With all these examples, why can’t most individuals drop the concept of connecting youth or a youthful spirit to age?
Considering yourself “too old” for what you want (or anything, for that matter) can potentially hurt your manifestation abilities. If you observe it from society’s regular point of view, feeling too old for something can ruin your mood and prompt you to consider yourself unworthy instead of deserving of making your dreams come true.
An easy way to beat your fear is to say the following.
The older I get, the better I look.
You will notice we used the phrase “older” here even though we said we wouldn’t give it importance – this is because using a fearful word in a positive context takes away its power to make you feel negative. We have taken the word “older” and turned it into something good. The choice of words when using affirmations is important but not in the way you think I’m about to define.
I live by this affirmation and use it once a day…and I would never want to go back to looking the way I did at twenty five, given the choice. It’s not that it wasn’t good but what I have now is even better. Don’t you want to love yourself more with each passing year and not less?
When using affirmations, use the words that make you feel good! If you do this, you will feel good saying and thinking about those affirmations, and this positive energy will produce the very thing that you desire.
What would your perfectly worded version of this affirmation be?
Allowing ourselves to find ourselves “too old” for the things we would truly love to have is a mistake. Seriously, what’s good about it? What would be the point? I have come to realize that a person’s sense of identity might be challenged or altered with age but there is a difference between being mature and feeling “old.” I can keep my youthful spirit while remaining a mature person with good values. I can remain positive while knowing that I should never stop trying new things in life, as they open my mind and allow me to keep getting to know myself. It doesn’t matter if I try something once or if it turns into my new favorite pastime – either way, it raises my vibration, making me realize who I am all over again while lightening my awareness and overall mood.
You can’t stop feeling and therefore dressing attractive(ly) just because your chronological age has increased. Ageing does not excuse you to stop being, feeling and dressing attractive because this type of awareness is reserved for young people. It isn’t. There is age-appropriate sexy but dropping it altogether is another big mistake you want to avoid. You can’t stop feeling like a woman, a man, a beautiful or a sexually viable person simply because you are now forty, fifty or sixty instead of twenty three. This can’t happen because you will not be happy if you set aside highlighting (and enjoying) your physical beauty. If you did, you would damage your confidence and end up exactly where you don’t want to be – depending on the approval of others because you don’t love yourself enough.
Don’t do this. It goes against the very principle of self-love, a love that is necessary to make Law of Attraction work.
I mean, we all know at least one example of this. There is a wonderful person in every single on of our lives that is smart, beautiful and worthy but all they do is talk about the level of attractiveness they’re lacking. They never talk about how good they feel about the way they look but merely refer to themselves as “old” or “unappealing.” They are perpetually focused on everything that’s wrong with their looks.
I know someone who used to be like this and changed. They used to constantly complain about how they “don’t need to bother dressing up.” They used to call others desirable but spoke of themselves as if they were the opposite. They were convinced others didn’t like them due to reasons that were entirely self-imposed. One day, they realized that those who are attractive view themselves as such first. They realized that age does not matter when it comes to beauty. Since, they have been enjoying their beauty, happily spent time pampering themselves and as they had no one but themselves to blame for their formerly negative attitude, they suddenly turned it entirely positive.
I’ve also helped others change from this (and this isn’t me bragging – I’m a life coach). I have seen the most beautiful, wonderful, amazing, the luckiest people look down on themselves because they had been focusing on the one thing they felt was missing from their life instead of focusing on what they had and let the Law of Attraction give them even more.
These are also the individuals who don’t understand the concept of “age appropriate.” This term doesn’t exist to make you feel older – it exists to help you look younger! If you wear the clothes appropriate for your figure and age, you will look younger, not older! Just because age-appropriate looks exist does not mean you’re being called “old.” These things exist to enhance your appearance in order to make you look younger!
If I were to wear a style appropriate for a ten year old at thirty three, I would definitely look even older; if I wore clothing appropriate to my age, I would actually look younger. This is an important factor many don’t understand but if you think about it, you’ll see what I mean. You can prolong the concept of age appropriate by manifesting younger looks but there is no shame in looking thirty when you’re forty five instead of absolutely having to look twenty because you think it’s what society respects. This is also why many stick to simplicity or different forms of a “classic” style – trends leave but the universally loved style works for and is adored by all ages. Classic is timeless and ageless. Some things work despite things like age and time, and this is shared by style lovers of any age.
We decide who we are and how attractive we are, and not society – they can only go by what we set for ourselves. Decide you are attractive and looking much younger, and you will attract others seeing you the same way. When it comes to you, your awareness and your life, you lead while others follow.