Relationship Advice – How to Attract a Relationship Despite Discomfort around a Specific Person

What do you do if the person you are not yourself around is the person you want to attract a relationship with?

We have all known someone like that, usually in a romantic sense. We have all been involved with a person who has upset or hurt us, resulting in our future interactions being filled with reactions from confusion and a damaged sense of pride when all we wanted to do was relax and be our best selves. We have all been involved with the people who had this effect on us but whether or not we chose to stay in those involvements was entirely up to us.

Choosing to stick around someone who makes you feel this way or use all your strength to walk away from them is a reflection of your personality, awareness, and, most importantly, your level of self-confidence. You might think you don’t deserve better or that the other person does so you feel the need to stick around until you figure out how to give them what you believe they deserve. You think that giving them what you feel they should have would make you happy but the flaw to this plan rests in the idea of putting them ahead of yourself.

A healthy relationship is about balance and equality, not about engaging in emotional compliance. However, particularly strong feelings for another person might cause you to engage in it without them ever asking you to, causing you to fall into codependence of your own making. This type of emotional state comes from the fear of losing what you have and the need to get what you want from this person, produced by a false conviction of being unhappy or a complete failure if you can’t make this relationship work.

I think that throughout our lives we have been taught to look at successful relationship through the eyes of need. You need a good man/woman. You need a good boyfriend/girlfriend. You need to stay away from bad boys/girls. You need someone you can start a family with because you need to get married and have a family of your own. You need someone or you’ll end up lonely. You need the right man/woman to complete you. Really? If that is what we need and not want, what’s the point of falling in love?

I can answer that as well. The point of falling in love is to enjoy it. We want to be in relationships with the people we love because we love and not need them. Need has nothing to do with another person – we make a choice to be with them.

If need were such a strong factor in choosing relationships, we would all be with the first person we see in the street. If it’s all about need, why not choose the closest one to you and fulfill your needs? Why? Because it doesn’t work that way. It is the level of joy another person gives you that makes you believe you need them somehow – you derive more happiness than you’re used to from them (because all you’ve been searching for until then was need) and suddenly, you feel undeserving and afraid that you might lose it.

At the same time, this doesn’t happen with the people we aren’t ourselves around. They don’t give us joy – they reflect the parts of us we feel like we’re missing and with it, cause a self-produced sense of need. If the Law of Attraction has already taught us that everything we feel for another person is reflected back to us, I believe the need to be validated by someone we admire reminds us of what we don’t have. It makes us believe that validation from this particular person will turn us into the people we always knew we could be…is that how you feel about the person you want to be with but feel upset by or unsettled around?

If that is the case, you must focus on self-love more than you ever have. You have put your happiness in another person’s hands, even if they didn’t ask for it, and now is the time to put it back into your own. You must realize that nothing will change if you remain in this state. Relationships are mutual and right now, you are alone in it. You cannot comprehend ever feeling positive or relaxed in the relationship you are visualizing, with the person you are visualizing. You must find love within in order to believe you can have it in this relationship. And by that, I don’t mean that the purpose of developing self-love is getting into a relationship – the purpose of developing self-love is to be happy with your life and yourself, regardless of your relationship status. Only if you don’t need a relationship will you be able to manifest one.

In my opinion, the people who make us feel uncomfortable are wrong for us. However, this is just my experience. Whatever you wish to manifest, you can, but you must believe that this is right for you. If it makes you feel bad, you can’t manifest it and you must change it. For me, that change always consisted of walking away.

Now, it’s up to you. Decide and go for it. Decide to feel good or walk away…but make a change. Decide who you want to be and make sure you’re proud of it. Before being proud of being with the person you wanted, become proud of yourself.

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photo couple walking street Warsaw Poland photography my work photographer

Thought of the Day

If instead of your true heart’s desire you accept one deemed easier to manifest, it isn’t fair to anyone involved.

If you should accept any goal you consider easier to manifest than your true heart’s desire, this isn’t fair to you or anyone else.

What we want wants us back.

The Universe wants to give you what you want.

Your true heart’s desire wants you just as much as you want it.

pink lotus coy pond back yard garden

Are You Ashamed of Your Past/Present?

If you are, it might be the reason you keep getting stuck, manifesting the same situations over and over again, without knowing how to break free and manifest what you want for a change.

Is shame the manifesting block you have been trying to pinpoint and overcome? If so, you are now on your way out of the darkness.

Being ashamed of something you’ve done or experienced is just another version of feeling as if you are not good enough; it is the fear of inadequacy that makes you doubt your own worth, power or ability to make life happen. That sense of shame can be strong enough to effortlessly keep you focused on your perceived mistakes instead of enjoying the visualizations of the life you want, making you feel like you don’t deserve that life because of the embarrassment endured.

This might read like a childish concept to some but many adults carry a burden of shame. The need to be better instead of accepting that you are good enough already and can be anything you want to be does not always vanish with age and maturity (if anything, the pressure to keep proving oneself often grows); however, it should. It should vanish in anyone of any age who is suffering from shame or a sense of inadequacy because we decide who we are and how we feel.

No one needs to be ashamed of themselves or their actions if those actions came from the heart and from the best of intentions to pursue one’s happiness. Those who feel ashamed of their actions which had hurt another human or living being can proceed to find self-love and self-respect after forgiving themselves for their actions, no matter what it takes…and anyone has the ability to take these steps.  

Let’s discuss the root causes of shame and why it is self-inflicted. Let’s show exactly how and why one’s sense of shame can be permanently removed from one’s life.

 

First of all, I don’t believe in mistakes. Short of committing a crime, mistakes are non-existent. What we make are choices and for better or worse, who we are determines the choices we are going to make.

If you have made a choice that made you feel bad about yourself, you have already outgrown that sort of behavior and learned from it. You have already outgrown the choice you had made if you are sure that you would never make it again and for that, your experience might have just been worth it. 

If your choice resulted in the shame connected with your perceived lack of ability to attract the person or the relationship you want, that limiting belief of your “lack of ability” is the problem, not the sense of shame it caused.

A sense of shame is always the result of a deep limiting belief that prevents you from manifesting your desired reality. 

Look beyond the shame itself – look at what it is that makes you feel ashamed. Why do you feel ashamed? Therein lies the root of your problem, your self-imposed limiting belief. But how does that belief lead to shame in the first place?

Oftentimes, it is not the choice you made that was the problem but the way it made you feel. Most of the time, the reason you are ashamed is not as big of a deal as you fear it to be but the sensation it continues to cause inside you says something about your self-perception, self-confidence and a sense of self-worth.

For example…

The reason you might fear what the person you are interested in might think of you is because deep down, you already deem yourself inadequate. You have already made that decision about yourself and now you fear someone else mirroring it back to you. Do you see how it all starts with you? 

You may have made a seemingly silly move but it’s important to remember that it’s not what you did – it’s how you feel about it. What seemed silly and embarrassing to you might have gone unnoticed by the person you have set your sights on and anyway, that’s not the point. Again, the question of why you feel the shame remains.

Do you think that you would only feel good about yourself if you were perfect? Is the need for perfection without which you feel inadequate the reason for the shame you carry around? Or do you feel that something you have done or experienced in the past has made you undeserving of happiness for the rest of your life? 

If you feel that way, you must get rid of a deceptive idea that there are better or perfect people in the world. If you feel undeserving, you probably hold an idea of the kind of people who are more deserving than you; however, you must remember that these ideas are only in your head and nowhere near reality. You are not any less valuable than anyone else. Nobody in the world is better than you.

 

We are all worthy individuals, as we have stated on this blog many times. Try to respect yourself as much as you do some others and you’ll see how great it will make you feel. Know that if you decide that all your “shameful” moments are over and forgotten, you will stop reacting to the thoughts of them or completely forget about them just as everyone else will, too.

Trust me.

Thought of the Day

Whenever I expect something to go well but it goes perfectly instead, it’s good to be wrong. 

Manifestation Epidemic – Big and Small Desires

You might be looking at everything you have in one way and everything you don’t in another.

Many still fail to realize that LoA is life and not some out-of-this-world concept that you’re supposed to go through the motions of. You manifest what you believe you can have and with that, what you expect is possible for you. You manifest what you expect to receive and what you see yourself having, living.

Those who can’t see themselves living their desires feel the need for them; however, some of these people might only want to “experience” their desires and not actually live them every day. You must ask yourself if this is what you really want – do you just want to see your desire manifest or, do you want to live it every single day of your life? Do you want it to be there even when you take some time for yourself and do other things? Are you ready to live it every day?

Being able to see yourself living your desire starts from the belief that it is possible. This belief will give you confidence or your confidence will result in this belief; either way, it works. This is also where a specific problem comes from – some see themselves easily having some things but never having some others, finding them almost impossible to attract.

What you must understand is that all your desires are equally likely to happen and by classifying them, you are standing in your own way. You are building your own barriers. By worrying whether or not you would receive some of your desires but not others, you are preventing your own happiness from existing.

It’s that simple.

Put your logical mind to work. Is there really a reason why you should not attract what you want? Others have done it so why not you? I know that a part of you has already realized that seeing differences in your desires makes no sense. Be grateful for it!

There are no big and small desires – only what you believe you can have. All your desires are equal in magnitude.

Just believe, know, smile and be grateful for having what you wanted in your life right now.

You Get What You Give in Manifesting Relationships

You get what you give – we often hear this phrase when dealing with LoA. I often say it but I find it comforting. Why shouldn’t I receive a great life while sending positive vibes out into the world?

But what does this idea mean in terms of manifesting relationships?

“You get what you give” means being an amazing person and believing that your partner is one so that you could attract the kind of relationship you want with that person. If you believe that the both of you are amazing people, you will believe in the possibility of your desired relationship with that person. Whether you are manifesting being with a specific or a generic person you haven’t met yet, it means knowing that the relationship you want is yours and being the kind of person that deserves it, which means being the person who is convinced of deserving to live their desires.

You already are an amazing person and so is the person you are manifesting being with. Now, all you have to do is believe in it. Neither of you needs to be superhuman – you are both amazing just as you are.

I use the term “amazing” but you can use any term you want – “great,” “kind,” “good” or simply, “deserving.” Use anything you want!

If you don’t believe that you can manifest your desire just yet, make sure to be the kind of person you admire! Accept that you are good enough now but if you need to, improve yourself as well. Do the things you always wanted to do. Contribute to yourself and the world. Do whatever you need to do in order to finally realize that you are an amazing individual.

You must love yourself first so that you could love another and offer them a reason to come into your life.

LAYING THE GROUNDWORK

When manifesting relationships, laying the groundwork is important in order to offer someone else a happy partnership. You are making sure you’re happy so that you could be the perfect partner.

If you feel that way already, just ask and receive but if you feel like you need some prep, keep reading.

Many want to manifest a relationship at the time they are unhappy which doesn’t make them a good partner. This is manifesting out of need, not love. Instead, these individuals need to be happy with what they already have in order to gain even more and be an amazing partner just the way they are.

Manifesting relationships is a serious thing because you must be a quality person in order to attract a quality partner and relationship. If you don’t feel good enough, the problem lies in your beliefs about what exactly quality means.

Too many people fear that quality means physical perfection, financial wealth, fame, fortune and similar things. They base the idea of quality on the external factors so much that they forget it is all about the internal. Not even your looks mean anything because it is all about your inner energy and if you look back on your life, you would understand why this is true, especially after observing your past relationships.

I realized a long time ago that looks, age, financial wealth or any other external factors don’t matter. Only those who think their looks and similar factors matter end up lowering their level of attraction to others. Those who believe that everyone will deem them amazing only if they do so themselves end up attracting whomever they want!

For all these reasons, giving love to yourself means laying the groundwork for a successful relationship.

Why “Me” Time Matters

Enjoying “me” time removes need and excessive attachment to one’s desire, allowing them to enjoy their life fully and rapidly manifest entirely new miracles.

“Me” time is another positive concept which society has spun into negative, pegging it selfish and unnecessary. “Me” time allows you to reconnect with your essence and true desires, giving you a chance to be grateful for everything you have.

I love my personal time. Going to a spa, reading a book, watching movies, long walks, meditation, even shopping all by myself in some cases can give me exactly what I need. I love and deserve it; my private time reminds me of everything I love, have and deserve in life. You can feel the same way and you know it!

Much of my work is also created in private but that is an entirely different story.

Many Law of Attraction teachers advocate pampering oneself as a method of expressing self-love as well as raising awareness of one’s value. I absolutely agree.

When you start to treat yourself the way you deserve, you will only accept the same from others.

“Me” time allows you to raise your vibration as you remind yourself of how rich and wonderful life is.

OTHER METHODS

Nothing raises my vibration as effectively as a song that describes my feelings. I’m a music fan that manifests the perfect song of the moment without effort and recommend this to everyone. So many of us love music and can use this extremely easy way of raising our vibration.

Personally, I can kill an entire day listening to the same song on repeat while going about my work and errands. Connected to my desire, this particular song gives me effortless visualizations and makes me happy, preparing me for receiving and living my desire.

Your private visualization time with music on makes for fantastic “me” time.

My Beloved Readers…

Thank you for helping and supporting each other – it’s wonderfully inspiring to read your comments and see that you want the best for one another (not to mention continuously attracting love into your own lives by expressing it to others).

I’m very grateful for you.

THOUGHT OF THE DAY

I recently wrote about one of my closest friends meeting one of her personal heroes. While reflecting on her manifestation just yesterday, she said:

“When you feel exhausted, you are clinging to your desire. You feel worn out trying to attract it but are suffocating the flow instead. This is when you have to let go of your desire without fear.”

You can read her story here.

A Classic Success Story – Meeting a Specific Person

One of my closest friends met one of her personal heroes only days ago. A sports star she respects for his talent, accomplishments and an origin close to her own, she aimed to use the Law of Attraction to manifest meeting him.

She’d said to herself that she would meet him and then, let the whole thing go. Relying on one of our past conversation during which she was reminded of letting go being the fastest manifestation formula, she relied on the notion that if she believed and genuinely felt great in the meantime, she would receive her desire. Regardless of her sports hero being a busy world traveler, she believed in meeting him; after each time the idea would enter her mind, she decided to believe and let it go.

She relied on the idea that if able to let it go, she had to receive her desire. She knew that with anything in life, the ability to breathe easy around it happens when one believes in having it.

To recap, what does letting go mean? It means knowing that one’s desire belongs to them already based on their decision to have it and their belief in receiving it. Beyond belief, their determination in the positive outcome causing the knowing that it simply must happen! Once this knowing has been established in one’s mind, they are able to relax, live their life and do their thing, knowing their desire is going to manifest.

Since letting go made her feel great, she was able to channel a great deal of passion into her desire. She focused on living the kind of life she loves. Since giving to others makes us happy and therefore allows the happiness to come back to us, she found great joy in helping her friends with anything she could. Work went smoothly for her because she was making a continuous effort to feel positively about everything in her life; for the same reason, she dove into specific activities which she enjoys profoundly.

Throughout this period of her life, she realized how amazing focusing on her happiness truly felt. Putting guilt-inducing obligations or the comfort of others before her own in the past, she now realized how much giving to herself and her own happiness truly meant. She realized it was was worth it to focus on her own happiness first because it had made her feel increasingly good about herself. In addition, she had removed any negative individuals from her inner circle and one from her life entirely.

She kept in mind that keeping her vibration high was her responsibility. Every time she had a moment of doubt, she had said to herself, “It has to happen, it is possible!” Then, she would shift her focus to something she loved and wanted to do that moment.

After letting her desire go, she also realized that only then did it start to seem possible.

While attached to a desire, one fails to connect with it profoundly, trying to make it feel “perfect” in their mind instead. This type of attachment results in a continuous battle between one’s positive and negative thoughts, causing slow progress or none at all. Thinking you could never be happy without your desire in your life causes you to continue to be unhappy without it.

Being able to be happy now, before receiving your desire yet knowing it is yours already, ensures manifestation.

Feeling that her desire was possible made it feel normal in her mind. She was still filled with happiness at the idea of having her desire but that happiness and normalcy made her desire feel like a regular thing in her life. At the same time, she felt increasingly happy because she was doing things for herself. Every time she had helped somebody else, she helped herself. We get what we give.

She simply refused to give her focus to anything but her happy existence.

During this time, she also saw almost no signs connected to her desire. However, she chose to believe anyway. She chose to feel great regardless!

One day, she went shopping with a friend when a salesgirl told them that her favorite player’s team is scheduled to do a meet-and-greet at one of their stores the following morning. She was there and so was he; they met, chatted, took photos together and he signed an autograph for her. This entire event felt absolutely normal to her while making her happy; it felt like a perfectly natural thing to happen to her.

When knowing one’s desire belongs to them already or even just believing it is to be, it feels normal. Even when charged with positive emotion, one is not surprised it happened to them, as they saw it coming. They expected it to happen.

After the salesgirl had told her about the appearance, she saw several signs.

Signs follow awareness.

Regardless of lacking in signs, she sometimes hoped and other times, knew her desire would come to be while trying to consciously put it out of her mind because letting go entirely made her feel good. When it would come to mind, she felt good about her desire for a minute and then, let it go.

She had said to herself that they should meet on October 22nd. They met on November 14th. Time was no issue in her mind and her desire manifested fast as a result.

Focusing on factors such as time is enough to make any conscious manifestation practitioner unhappy. Focusing on time shows one’s disbelief in receiving their desire.

I call this story a classic manifestation because of its sheer simplicity. This story shows how little work it all takes; focusing on life, love, yourself and your happiness is all it takes. Any manifestation of any desire works according to the same principle in life and you can apply these very steps to absolutely anything you desire.

The difference between having your desire in your mind already and waiting for it lies in living your life. If you don’t know what makes you happy, find it. If you feel that something is missing, you have to find it within yourself, within your own life; you have to find it in order to share it with anyone else.