Relationship Advice – How to Attract a Relationship Despite Discomfort around a Specific Person

What do you do if the person you are not yourself around is the person you want to attract a relationship with?

We have all known someone like that, usually in a romantic sense. We have all been involved with a person who has upset or hurt us, resulting in our future interactions being filled with reactions from confusion and a damaged sense of pride when all we wanted to do was relax and be our best selves. We have all been involved with the people who had this effect on us but whether or not we chose to stay in those involvements was entirely up to us.

Choosing to stick around someone who makes you feel this way or use all your strength to walk away from them is a reflection of your personality, awareness, and, most importantly, your level of self-confidence. You might think you don’t deserve better or that the other person does so you feel the need to stick around until you figure out how to give them what you believe they deserve. You think that giving them what you feel they should have would make you happy but the flaw to this plan rests in the idea of putting them ahead of yourself.

A healthy relationship is about balance and equality, not about engaging in emotional compliance. However, particularly strong feelings for another person might cause you to engage in it without them ever asking you to, causing you to fall into codependence of your own making. This type of emotional state comes from the fear of losing what you have and the need to get what you want from this person, produced by a false conviction of being unhappy or a complete failure if you can’t make this relationship work.

I think that throughout our lives we have been taught to look at successful relationship through the eyes of need. You need a good man/woman. You need a good boyfriend/girlfriend. You need to stay away from bad boys/girls. You need someone you can start a family with because you need to get married and have a family of your own. You need someone or you’ll end up lonely. You need the right man/woman to complete you. Really? If that is what we need and not want, what’s the point of falling in love?

I can answer that as well. The point of falling in love is to enjoy it. We want to be in relationships with the people we love because we love and not need them. Need has nothing to do with another person – we make a choice to be with them.

If need were such a strong factor in choosing relationships, we would all be with the first person we see in the street. If it’s all about need, why not choose the closest one to you and fulfill your needs? Why? Because it doesn’t work that way. It is the level of joy another person gives you that makes you believe you need them somehow – you derive more happiness than you’re used to from them (because all you’ve been searching for until then was need) and suddenly, you feel undeserving and afraid that you might lose it.

At the same time, this doesn’t happen with the people we aren’t ourselves around. They don’t give us joy – they reflect the parts of us we feel like we’re missing and with it, cause a self-produced sense of need. If the Law of Attraction has already taught us that everything we feel for another person is reflected back to us, I believe the need to be validated by someone we admire reminds us of what we don’t have. It makes us believe that validation from this particular person will turn us into the people we always knew we could be…is that how you feel about the person you want to be with but feel upset by or unsettled around?

If that is the case, you must focus on self-love more than you ever have. You have put your happiness in another person’s hands, even if they didn’t ask for it, and now is the time to put it back into your own. You must realize that nothing will change if you remain in this state. Relationships are mutual and right now, you are alone in it. You cannot comprehend ever feeling positive or relaxed in the relationship you are visualizing, with the person you are visualizing. You must find love within in order to believe you can have it in this relationship. And by that, I don’t mean that the purpose of developing self-love is getting into a relationship – the purpose of developing self-love is to be happy with your life and yourself, regardless of your relationship status. Only if you don’t need a relationship will you be able to manifest one.

In my opinion, the people who make us feel uncomfortable are wrong for us. However, this is just my experience. Whatever you wish to manifest, you can, but you must believe that this is right for you. If it makes you feel bad, you can’t manifest it and you must change it. For me, that change always consisted of walking away.

Now, it’s up to you. Decide and go for it. Decide to feel good or walk away…but make a change. Decide who you want to be and make sure you’re proud of it. Before being proud of being with the person you wanted, become proud of yourself.

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Thought of the Day

If instead of your true heart’s desire you accept one deemed easier to manifest, it isn’t fair to anyone involved.

If you should accept any goal you consider easier to manifest than your true heart’s desire, this isn’t fair to you or anyone else.

What we want wants us back.

The Universe wants to give you what you want.

Your true heart’s desire wants you just as much as you want it.

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Are You Ashamed of Your Past/Present?

If you are, it might be the reason you keep getting stuck, manifesting the same situations over and over again, without knowing how to break free and manifest what you want for a change.

Is shame the manifesting block you have been trying to pinpoint and overcome? If so, you are now on your way out of the darkness.

Being ashamed of something you’ve done or experienced is just another version of feeling as if you are not good enough; it is the fear of inadequacy that makes you doubt your own worth, power or ability to make life happen. That sense of shame can be strong enough to effortlessly keep you focused on your perceived mistakes instead of enjoying the visualizations of the life you want, making you feel like you don’t deserve that life because of the embarrassment endured.

This might read like a childish concept to some but many adults carry a burden of shame. The need to be better instead of accepting that you are good enough already and can be anything you want to be does not always vanish with age and maturity (if anything, the pressure to keep proving oneself often grows); however, it should. It should vanish in anyone of any age who is suffering from shame or a sense of inadequacy because we decide who we are and how we feel.

No one needs to be ashamed of themselves or their actions if those actions came from the heart and from the best of intentions to pursue one’s happiness. Those who feel ashamed of their actions which had hurt another human or living being can proceed to find self-love and self-respect after forgiving themselves for their actions, no matter what it takes…and anyone has the ability to take these steps.  

Let’s discuss the root causes of shame and why it is self-inflicted. Let’s show exactly how and why one’s sense of shame can be permanently removed from one’s life.

 

First of all, I don’t believe in mistakes. Short of committing a crime, mistakes are non-existent. What we make are choices and for better or worse, who we are determines the choices we are going to make.

If you have made a choice that made you feel bad about yourself, you have already outgrown that sort of behavior and learned from it. You have already outgrown the choice you had made if you are sure that you would never make it again and for that, your experience might have just been worth it. 

If your choice resulted in the shame connected with your perceived lack of ability to attract the person or the relationship you want, that limiting belief of your “lack of ability” is the problem, not the sense of shame it caused.

A sense of shame is always the result of a deep limiting belief that prevents you from manifesting your desired reality. 

Look beyond the shame itself – look at what it is that makes you feel ashamed. Why do you feel ashamed? Therein lies the root of your problem, your self-imposed limiting belief. But how does that belief lead to shame in the first place?

Oftentimes, it is not the choice you made that was the problem but the way it made you feel. Most of the time, the reason you are ashamed is not as big of a deal as you fear it to be but the sensation it continues to cause inside you says something about your self-perception, self-confidence and a sense of self-worth.

For example…

The reason you might fear what the person you are interested in might think of you is because deep down, you already deem yourself inadequate. You have already made that decision about yourself and now you fear someone else mirroring it back to you. Do you see how it all starts with you? 

You may have made a seemingly silly move but it’s important to remember that it’s not what you did – it’s how you feel about it. What seemed silly and embarrassing to you might have gone unnoticed by the person you have set your sights on and anyway, that’s not the point. Again, the question of why you feel the shame remains.

Do you think that you would only feel good about yourself if you were perfect? Is the need for perfection without which you feel inadequate the reason for the shame you carry around? Or do you feel that something you have done or experienced in the past has made you undeserving of happiness for the rest of your life? 

If you feel that way, you must get rid of a deceptive idea that there are better or perfect people in the world. If you feel undeserving, you probably hold an idea of the kind of people who are more deserving than you; however, you must remember that these ideas are only in your head and nowhere near reality. You are not any less valuable than anyone else. Nobody in the world is better than you.

 

We are all worthy individuals, as we have stated on this blog many times. Try to respect yourself as much as you do some others and you’ll see how great it will make you feel. Know that if you decide that all your “shameful” moments are over and forgotten, you will stop reacting to the thoughts of them or completely forget about them just as everyone else will, too.

Trust me.

What Makes You YOU – Who You Are or What You Have?

Thinking about the person you want to be instead of what is happening around you is going to allow you to enjoy your current reality instead of feeling that you are missing your desired one.

If you are struggling to stay happy in your current reality, you must start focusing on yourself.

The question is, what do you tend to base your self-confidence, your sense of personal value, on?

Some base their sense of personal value on their great family, job, social or financial status. In some cases, people know that these external factors will stay with them forever but what about those who base their sense of personal value on the world’s perception of their social status, the people in their life who build them up or pretty much anything they have instead of who they are, no matter what that is?

You might know your family isn’t that great but others think it is so you keep up appearances because you like the admiration you are getting.

Your family might be great so you base your sense of self-worth on having that family but what would you do if you suddenly didn’t have that family tomorrow? I’m not saying you won’t but would it make you any less worthy? Of course it wouldn’t but you might start to think that it does. You might already feel like you would have nothing if you didn’t have them anymore.

You might know that the work you do comes with as many (if not more) drawbacks as well as benefits yet everyone else seems to admire the perception of what you do so you pretend like it’s the most amazing job in the world. You like the validation so you let them think it’s just as good as it sounds.

Your relationship might not be making you happy anymore but many other people see it ideal in some way. You know that you would rather live a life of integrity than a lie but at the same time, shattering this image would feel additionally shocking to you because it would also shock so many other individuals.

There are numerous examples of this but they all signal the same thing – allowing external factors to be a source of your own confidence instead of the internal factors such as self-confidence based on being strong and positive, intelligent and internally attractive. That is who you are and the rest is merely what you have.

I am not saying that you will but losing any of these external factors at some point in life would cause you to feel like you lost a part of yourself if you based your self-worth on having them. True sense of self-worth is based on you – who you are, how you think, handle situations, solve problems and how worthy you feel of happiness – regardless of the external factors you may have.

Who you are decides on what you will end up having. Those who don’t take care of who they are risk clinging too hard on something that they have and then losing it. I am not saying that this will happen to you but once you start to rely on your own support instead of something that you have, life will become much easier! Once you start to rely on your own opinion alone, you will lighten up your own life and awareness, and inspire others to do the same (not to mention that focusing on yourself allows you to finally see what you want and not just what you like having in your life because it’s comfortable but doesn’t ignite any passion inside of you).

People tend to rely on the external factors because it’s easier that way…but what if those factors disappeared? What if tomorrow, you lost one of them or realized you never had it in the first place? That is why it is important to start focusing on yourself, even if you never lose any of these external factors. At the same time, if you already know that you are clinging onto some of these too hard, now is the perfect time to start focusing on yourself instead.

Common examples of lacking self-confidence due to the “right” external factors are:

  • Not knowing what you want to do with your life after graduation;
  • Not being able to afford everything you want right now and wondering if you ever will just because you can’t right now instead of believing in yourself and attracting it;
  • Being told what you “should” know and how you “should” feel and feeling unaccepted just because you don’t know it and feel it instead of listening to yourself, what you want to know and what you want to feel;
  • Thinking that your desires aren’t manifesting fast enough, as if you would not survive without them (when clearly, you already are);
  • Not having a family that boosts your sense of self-worth, as if they are the ones who decide it and not you;
  • Allowing yourself to be embarrassed by those you know – only you can decide to feel embarrassed and no one else can decide it for you.
  • Not having the kind of partner your close ones approve of, as if they are the ones who should decide on your relationship and who you love.

There are so many more important things in life – much bigger and much more important. These are just the bad habits of society and insecure individuals which I am guessing you do not want to be.

Insecure individuals use society’s “standards” to feel better about themselves and then, they use you and your refusal to comply with those “standards” as a reason to put you down and falsely feel better about themselves for a few minutes; only they don’t realize that by trying to put you down, they are merely putting themselves down instead.

They cannot decide how you feel; only you can do that. However, they can be a great reminder of why one should never base their sense of self-worth on the external factors because these people are everywhere.

However, they’re irrelevant – it’s your sense of gain and loss that is the only relevant factor here.

When you gain true confidence, one that comes from you and your choices of feelings and actions based on who you are, you will already feel like you have everything.

Have you ever wondered where basing your confidence on external factors even came from and why it was accepted as a norm?

Wanting to base self-confidence on external factors is tempting because it is always a quick fix. Haven’t we all been tempted to feel this way at one point or another? The trick is to move away from this kind of thinking because it’s too easy and not in a good way.

It is too easy to let others decide on your life for you and that is why so many individuals accept it – they don’t have to make any decisions that way.

Decision making means personal responsibility which is still too much for some people to handle…but hey, who cares, right? It’s only their life we’re talking about.

If you should start to think of any change in your life as a small, solvable or temporary thing, you would automatically see that you, your optimism and your amazing spirit for living are above them.

I have been unsure of what I wanted to do in life. I have been unemployed and grown unhappy in some work engagements. I have given up on plenty of romantic relationships on their due date. I had to manifest my ideal body. I felt that my writing wasn’t good enough at times and I was bored with it at others. I had to work hard to become good at certain things, even if I wanted them. I was bored with the things I had more than once. I wanted a change more than once. But so what? Life was meant to serve me, not the other way around. When these feelings come up, some give up and others decide what they want instead.

What will you decide today?

If you focus on your happiness, you will make the choices that serve it but I can tell you right now that basing your happiness on yourself instead of what you have is always the right choice.

Even if your desire is to be admired, don’t be admired for what you have – be admired for who you are and inspire others to be themselves.

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Do you want what you truly want or just what is easier to have? Do you make decisions or avoid doing so?
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Specific Wording and Manifesting Relationships – Use YOUR Words to Create Positive Manifestations!

Let’s talk about manifesting relationships because I have always found that the correct internal verbal expression of those relationships (which is different for every single individual) leads to positive thoughts and visualization which lead to belief.

Do you prefer to tell yourself that your desired relationship belongs to you already or internally state that it is going to manifest soon?

Which specific wording suits you better?

Some feel unnatural believing their relationships belong to them already but do feel good knowing that everything will come together soon. Others feel great about knowing that everything has already been worked out on an invisible level and just has to manifest in reality. Others genuinely feel good knowing that a relationship might manifest or that it might not, whatever feels best – there is a great deal of individuals out there who don’t practice LoA consciously when it comes to relationships because they feel it ruins the element of surprise.

It doesn’t matter which of these groups you belong to – with positive wording, the wording that feels good to you, you can allow yourself to let go of your relationship to manifest.

Any positive wording you choose will instantly be followed by the feeling as well as spontaneous visualization of your desire as if it has manifested already; however, some prefer to say to themselves that the relationship belongs to them already while others like to say it’ll happen soon. Choose the words that feel good because feeling good leads to manifesting rapidly and effortlessly.

You can also opt for an expression that has no timestamp – without defining the manifestation time of a specific desire, you can use one of the two sayings I have suggested in the past:

“It’s happening right now!” or “It’s a done deal – thank You!”

Using one of these expressions is perfect for removing your thoughts from any specific time your manifestation might come about. You just know that it’s yours without obsessing about the details.

Timestamp-free expression of your desired relationship is perfect for you if your attachment to the relationship you desire is high enough to cause negative feelings.

Timestamp-free expression will remove your attachment. If you have been experiencing attachment so strong you are aware of it, commit to this new way of describing your desired manifestation today.

I have used the timestamp-free method on several occasions of attracting people into my life. This method is highly effective because it leads to knowing while removing the need to know when. Using this method will remind you that the sooner you let go, the sooner you will manifest and refusing to worry about “how” or “when” is going to allow for letting go.

Try it and you’ll see. And, of course, report back!

 

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When You Give Yourself the Help You Need…

When something in life upsets me, no matter how briefly, I am usually grateful for having someone supportive show up at the exact moment I have calmed myself down and reaffirm my belief that the situation will be resolved.

How does a situation such as this one usually go in your life?

The person to tell you that everything will be alright will either show up as soon as you have calmed yourself down or come sooner than that, bringing their calming and loving energy to help you.

In truth, we attract these situations and individuals, just like everything else. We either invite even more upsetting or loving and calming energy with our vibration and needs. If the same person keeps coming around to help, we are grateful for them. We are also grateful for those who offer to help.

We are particularly grateful for the moments in which worry fades away even when we fear the opposite happening.

Today, I attracted help from someone after I have decided that the situation in question was not a big deal after all. In fact, I expected to be much more irritated than I was. The annoyance that ran deep lasted only minutes which shows that consistent practice can turn anyone into a positive thinker.

It also shows that our thoughts don’t have to be perfect – they can be human. Like us.

When faced with upsetting moments, don’t beat yourself up. It happens. Don’t worry about how you might have attracted this circumstance but only look ahead with faith and trust instead.

 

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Thought of the Day 

For every desired manifestation, I only need to find the right affirmation.

With me, it’s not just about words – it’s about the right words.

The right affirmation triggers my being into most amazing visualizations, into the right visualizations.

How do I know they’re right? Because they reflect exactly what I wanted.

They make me feel the way I wanted to feel.

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Do YOU Want to Like You?

A great deal of your personal appeal rests in keeping your personal attitude unaffected by all the negativity in the world.

I am not saying that you shouldn’t care about the world but believing in it instead of faithlessly criticising it not only contributes to your happiness but to your personal appeal as well. In addition, a positive attitude allows you to emit positive energy, making the world a better place almost without realizing.

An attitude of belief in improvement is appealing. A positive game plan is appealing. Passion is appealing!

Honesty is appealing and when it comes to positive individuals, honesty will reveal their personal appeal.

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Whenever you meet someone whose truly positive personality shines through, don’t you find yourself wanting to communicate with this person? Do you not find yourself wanting to be near them, feeling that their happiness somehow makes you happier?

Those who are genuinely happy attract even more happiness to them – this is the Law of Attraction. Who you are and what you believe in attracts more of the same into your life.

LoA is life and those who claim that life is just not that simple are doing nothing but making excuses for not having what they want and being who they want to be. Choosing not to be who you want to be also translates into awareness, as you know that you are simply not as happy as you could be. Accepting this particular awareness/self-perception will probably reflect on your life and manifestations in a negative way, as you will most likely believe that you can have some things you want but not others. However, that is up to you. Your life is your choice, entirely.

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Many were raised and taught to focus on the external world first and internal second. Throughout their lives, many have come to realize their attitudes shape their realities yet some fail to work on changing their attitudes. If you truly want to make yourself happier, you will do what it takes and not see it as hard work, if this is your true heart’s desire. It doesn’t have to be as difficult as you fear.

Whether or not you actually like yourself matters. You deserve to feel good about yourself and can only do so if you nurture genuinely positive feelings. No anger, no engaging in negativity, no hate – just love.

Face your fears – you’ll be happy you did. Take it one step at a time because skipping self work will result in life staying exactly the same instead improving.

Sudden Manifestations and Making Contact

Over the weekend, I manifested a new writing job. It was something I wanted to do last year but somehow didn’t want quite enough and forgot about before it manifested. Then, on Saturday, I remembered it, receiving an offer for it hours later.

I think many can relate to this type of manifestation. In the exact same way, someone from my past contacted me last month out of nowhere. This person was someone I wanted out of my life so I had forgotten about them. Then, I remembered them three times in one day only to receive a message from them that evening. I couldn’t help but analyse this manifestation energy because I loved this process.

This type of manifestation is the perfect reflection of “you suddenly think about a friend you haven’t heard from in a long time and he/she contacts you.” We have all heard this example from classic LoA studies and we have all experienced it.

Do you have similar examples?

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I believe one of the reasons these manifestations happen so easily is our perception of them as “regular things” or “no big deal.” When seeing any potential manifestation as a big deal, it is easier for resistance to come up.

On the other hand, desires manifest when let go of due to one’s belief of having it; similarly, one not caring when their desire manifests, seeing it as a small deal or something they will receive whenever, causes rapid manifestation.

It was how I realized that “letting go completely makes it manifest immediately.” Does that make sense?

When thinking a thought such as that of an old friend but not seeing it as some kind of an emergency, you can let go only to see your friend contact you straight away. This is why refocusing from your desire entirely makes it manifest instantly.

I don’t know why this works the way it does. I just know how it works and honestly, it doesn’t matter why. If we know it works, we can use it.

If you have been trying to manifest your desire for a while but feel like you’re struggling, take a few days away from thinking about it. Those few days will make your desire seem like less of a deal and possible to have and who knows – it might even manifest during that break!

How to Break Free From “Not Having” Your Desire

The feeling of your desire missing from your life can be annoying, upsetting and can drive you into frantically working to change it in order to attract your desire instead.

I won’t even try to describe that feeling beautifully or eloquently because it isn’t; instead, this feeling is unpleasant and can lower your mood.

However, I am going to suggest several solutions for it.

Remain committed to staying in a good mood!

When your goal in life is to be in a good mood no matter what you do and where you are, knowing that bad mood is a waste of time, you will automatically want to go out and do something for yourself. Every time you fall into the bad mood, you will automatically want to change it.

When you get bored, think about what you would like to do to fix your mood. When you feel low, treat yourself (I hate that expression but it works). Go out and buy something for yourself, treat yourself to a meal you love, have a bubble bath, remember all the wonderful people in your life or, one of my favorites, donate money. In any way to anyone you want. Giving is something that will instantly raise your vibration.

Remember all those LoA sources telling you to get in a good mood first and then, think about having your desire in order to attract it even faster. To that, I want to add that when you remain in a good mood, when it becomes your goal, you will manifest your desires fast anyway.

Repeat affirmations!

When this dark feeling comes to you, you can change it by training your brain to automatically think opposite thoughts. You can repeat affirmations, self-devised or any you have read and liked, training your mind to automatically go to the positive when you think of the negative.

In addition…

You can always use the steps described here. You will notice the similarities.

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Why don’t you think you’re amazing?

I preach confidence non-stop because it makes manifestation easy. It helps you stay in a good mood. It makes everything in life easier. Many readers have told me they struggle with maintaining their confidence especially when manifesting relationships.

Confidence is a positive feeling, awareness and attitude. Confident individuals never judge themselves or others – one of the most important lessons we could ever learn. Confident people love their lives because they arrange them in all kinds of positive ways.

Now, do you love or need?

Loving the person you are allows you to love another. Feeling incomplete while thinking that another could complete you will inevitably trick you into thinking that you need them to be the person you always wanted to be.

Truth is, you don’t need anyone – relationships are a choice. You are capable of being happy on your own, allowing love to manifest into your life. Being happy on your own is also very healthy, allowing you to be the best possible partner to the person of your choice.

The most amazing partners are those who can be happy on their own.