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Are You Putting Your Happiness Into the Hands of Your Desire?

Do you wish to attract a commodity, circumstance or a relationship you believe would change your entire life and bring you happiness almost magically? In your mind, is this particular desire the Holy Grail of your goals and personal fulfilment?

If that’s the case, you might find the impression of your desire being present or absent controlling your overall mood. The appearance of short-term manifestations or signs that make your ultimate desire feel real inevitably lift your spirits while negative signs or the feeling of loneliness can just as easily take over, giving you a sinking feeling. Even if you don’t want to feel the absence, you often end up feeling too weak to help yourself.

What is there to do?

First of all, you must know this – if you are easily upset by the absence of your desired manifestation, this is completely normal and there is nothing wrong with you.

You don’t have to beat yourself up about it – throughout our lives, we most likely haven’t been informed of the most constructive ways to deal with negative feelings. In order to shield their beloved children from disappointment or protect them from getting hurt, parents often attempt to prepare us for dealing with life but lead us to believe we should expect to not get what we want instead, as our dreams might be difficult to achieve.

If you have been told that you might not get what you want because so many others want it, too, which might prevent you from getting it, you were taught to believe that something or someone can come in between you and your dreams when in reality, they can’t.

When you want something and are sure you are going to get it, nothing and no one can prevent it from happening. The only thing that can prevent it from happening is your own absence of the right belief.

Have you ever felt that manifesting your desires absolutely must always be a struggle for you for some reason, that you can never just get what you want smoothly, happily or positively? This is a mindset in itself, the type of self-perception ensuring you will continue to complicate your manifestations until someday accepting the fact that you deserve to enjoy them.

This type of mindset happens when one is guided by fear(s) which causes one to form attachment to one’s desires.

When greatly attached to a specific relationship, positively or negatively, it is tempting to allow for that relationship to become a part of your identity – a temptation often given into. The only problem is that in this case, your mood will change with the state of your relationship and inevitably follow its ups and downs.

When attached to another person, we stop accepting them fully and attempt to mould them into whoever we think they should be and the way they should behave, even if only partially or subconsciously. When loving another person fully, for everything they are, we have no reason to want to “improve” their imperfections and with that, create any sort of attachment which only produces the need to see someone behave the way we think they should.

Don’t get sucked in by attachment! Your desired manifestation is going to be a part of your life, even if it’s an important one, but when it comes to your life, you are everything. Not your desires, present circumstances or fears – just you. Against the happy you, attachment has no chance.

This is why you must feel good to the core of your being. When you feel good, you also feel good about your desires, inevitably sending attachment away whenever it comes knocking.

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photo couple walking street Warsaw Poland photography my work photographer

Thought of the Day

If instead of your true heart’s desire you accept one deemed easier to manifest, it isn’t fair to anyone involved.

If you should accept any goal you consider easier to manifest than your true heart’s desire, this isn’t fair to you or anyone else.

What we want wants us back.

The Universe wants to give you what you want.

Your true heart’s desire wants you just as much as you want it.

pink lotus coy pond back yard garden

Are You Ashamed of Your Past/Present?

If you are, it might be the reason you keep getting stuck, manifesting the same situations over and over again, without knowing how to break free and manifest what you want for a change.

Is shame the manifesting block you have been trying to pinpoint and overcome? If so, you are now on your way out of the darkness.

Being ashamed of something you’ve done or experienced is just another version of feeling as if you are not good enough; it is the fear of inadequacy that makes you doubt your own worth, power or ability to make life happen. That sense of shame can be strong enough to effortlessly keep you focused on your perceived mistakes instead of enjoying the visualizations of the life you want, making you feel like you don’t deserve that life because of the embarrassment endured.

This might read like a childish concept to some but many adults carry a burden of shame. The need to be better instead of accepting that you are good enough already and can be anything you want to be does not always vanish with age and maturity (if anything, the pressure to keep proving oneself often grows); however, it should. It should vanish in anyone of any age who is suffering from shame or a sense of inadequacy because we decide who we are and how we feel.

No one needs to be ashamed of themselves or their actions if those actions came from the heart and from the best of intentions to pursue one’s happiness. Those who feel ashamed of their actions which had hurt another human or living being can proceed to find self-love and self-respect after forgiving themselves for their actions, no matter what it takes…and anyone has the ability to take these steps.  

Let’s discuss the root causes of shame and why it is self-inflicted. Let’s show exactly how and why one’s sense of shame can be permanently removed from one’s life.

 

First of all, I don’t believe in mistakes. Short of committing a crime, mistakes are non-existent. What we make are choices and for better or worse, who we are determines the choices we are going to make.

If you have made a choice that made you feel bad about yourself, you have already outgrown that sort of behavior and learned from it. You have already outgrown the choice you had made if you are sure that you would never make it again and for that, your experience might have just been worth it. 

If your choice resulted in the shame connected with your perceived lack of ability to attract the person or the relationship you want, that limiting belief of your “lack of ability” is the problem, not the sense of shame it caused.

A sense of shame is always the result of a deep limiting belief that prevents you from manifesting your desired reality. 

Look beyond the shame itself – look at what it is that makes you feel ashamed. Why do you feel ashamed? Therein lies the root of your problem, your self-imposed limiting belief. But how does that belief lead to shame in the first place?

Oftentimes, it is not the choice you made that was the problem but the way it made you feel. Most of the time, the reason you are ashamed is not as big of a deal as you fear it to be but the sensation it continues to cause inside you says something about your self-perception, self-confidence and a sense of self-worth.

For example…

The reason you might fear what the person you are interested in might think of you is because deep down, you already deem yourself inadequate. You have already made that decision about yourself and now you fear someone else mirroring it back to you. Do you see how it all starts with you? 

You may have made a seemingly silly move but it’s important to remember that it’s not what you did – it’s how you feel about it. What seemed silly and embarrassing to you might have gone unnoticed by the person you have set your sights on and anyway, that’s not the point. Again, the question of why you feel the shame remains.

Do you think that you would only feel good about yourself if you were perfect? Is the need for perfection without which you feel inadequate the reason for the shame you carry around? Or do you feel that something you have done or experienced in the past has made you undeserving of happiness for the rest of your life? 

If you feel that way, you must get rid of a deceptive idea that there are better or perfect people in the world. If you feel undeserving, you probably hold an idea of the kind of people who are more deserving than you; however, you must remember that these ideas are only in your head and nowhere near reality. You are not any less valuable than anyone else. Nobody in the world is better than you.

 

We are all worthy individuals, as we have stated on this blog many times. Try to respect yourself as much as you do some others and you’ll see how great it will make you feel. Know that if you decide that all your “shameful” moments are over and forgotten, you will stop reacting to the thoughts of them or completely forget about them just as everyone else will, too.

Trust me.

Love or Need? Solve it with Self Love!

When you feel desperation for your manifestation to happen and the need to have it because you don’t just yet, all you see is emptiness from the direction of your desire. You develop borderline paranoia because you are governed by need, not love.

This is why you must ask for your desire, love it and assume it is yours already – nothing less, nothing else.

Imagine you want to manifest your dream job. You applied for it but got no results. You continue to wait. You keep drowning in the reasons why the job might not be yours. You tried to control the process in your mind by attempting to figure out how your dream job should manifest if it were to truly be yours but that just makes you feel like your desire is slipping away.

You might also be manifesting something you feel badly about but keep trying to feel good about it instead of just feeling good. If you have negative beliefs about your desire, you know that you need to resolve them or decide they’re false and ignore them; either way, engaging in the need to escape them will prolong that state of neediness.

You must realize whether you are currently governed by need or love – which of those two has taken over your awareness?

I have occasionally wondered if the human need for love always means the need for love first and love from a specific person second. I sometimes think that even when projected on a specific person, the need to manifest a relationship with them comes from the overall need for love, the hurt from loneliness or something similar.

If a relationship is what you desire, give love to yourself first. A myriad of reasons why self-love melts away all manifestation roadblocks continues here.

Do You Feel Guilty?

Do you ever feel guilty about living in a beautiful home, being born into wealth, owning beautiful clothes, driving the car of your choice, the admiration you receive, working very little for great money, ending a relationship to great protest from your (former) partner, being in a relationship with someone who was desired by others but fell in love with you or quitting a job because you knew there was something better out there while your boss objected?

Do you feel guilty because of all the praise you receive, thinking you should be doing even more or fix the problems of every person in the world?

Do you ever feel guilty for having your pick of potential friends and romantic partners because people seem to be magnetically drawn to you?

Do you ever feel guilty for putting your own happiness first?

Do you feel guilty for being able to manifest everything you want instantly while others struggle?

Or, do you know that you should just enjoy and feel grateful for everything you have, loving it immensely, loving your life and knowing that the way to keep the blessings flowing is to be grateful for them?

In order to keep anything in your life, you must love and appreciate it. In order to keep another person in your life, you must love and appreciate them.

I can tell you that attempted guilt trips from some people in the past have made me want to distance myself from them. Once, a friend told me I was wrong to want to spend time with people other than her, as she wanted to do everything together. I felt suffocated and distanced myself from her until she eventually ended our friendship. I was grateful for it.

Another time, I quit a job after only four months. I knew it wasn’t right and leaving as soon as I realized it was the right thing to do. My then boss protested, making me even more convinced that I had made the right decision; however, someone close to me told me I should have stuck it out since “this man did hire you, after all.”

So what? It was his choice to do so, just like it was my choice to stay in this job or leave. I disliked the job and working with him profoundly, especially his sudden expectation of my working full time for a part time salary. It was an unhealthy environment for me to be in and things would have only gotten worse had I stayed. By the end, I wanted to distance myself from him as well as the person who had protested my choice of quitting together with him. Days later, I packed up and flew across the continent to visit some friends and remind myself I deserved to be happy.

Many fail to see the difference between choice and attachment. Every job, collaboration, friendship and a relationship is a choice! Someone who disagrees with your choices and tries to guilt you into making their choice is not giving love to you even though they think so – instead, they are trying to force their attachment on you, thinking you should want the same thing they do. They believe you don’t want to be with them as much as they want to be with you and condemn you for it in one way or another because they allow your freedom to upset them. When someone thinks that you should want to attend to their needs, they are projecting their (negative) feelings of inadequacy on you.

On the other hand, if they loved themselves and gave love and freedom to you instead of depending on you for their (temporary) happiness (because happiness based on external factors such as another person never lasts – only inner happiness does), you would have changed your mind. In that case, they would have offered you happiness and quality to come to.

It can be difficult to keep something in your life if you don’t appreciate it. What you feel negatively about in any way tends to leave or never appear, depending on whether or not you have it already. This is why you should never feel guilty for anything you love about your life.

You choose your experiences, career, love life, financial wealth and happiness.

You choose the people you want in your life.

People choose to talk to you, be with you, not be with you or create any type of connections with you – just like you do with them. If you want someone in your life, you are to influence them with love, positive energy and feeling wonderfully about yourself so that you could allow them to feel just as wonderfully about you. You are to respect their freedom and send loving/positive energy to them if you want them in your life. This energy will attract them. Out of that freedom, others choose to come to you which is how couples and friends come together.

So many are unhappy because the world tells them what they should want and they listen, as if they hold obligations to anyone but themselves. Their guilt dictates their reality.

You must be sure that what you want is yours and feel grateful for it, without guilt. Feeling guilty about wanting to live an abundant life keeps that life away from you.

I never feel guilty about anything I desire – I deserve it. If I take some time to figure out what I want, that’s fine, too. Life isn’t going anywhere and there’s plenty of time for everything. As soon as I decide and change my inner energy, life catches up.

How to Break Free From “Not Having” Your Desire

The feeling of your desire missing from your life can be annoying, upsetting and can drive you into frantically working to change it in order to attract your desire instead.

I won’t even try to describe that feeling beautifully or eloquently because it isn’t; instead, this feeling is unpleasant and can lower your mood.

However, I am going to suggest several solutions for it.

Remain committed to staying in a good mood!

When your goal in life is to be in a good mood no matter what you do and where you are, knowing that bad mood is a waste of time, you will automatically want to go out and do something for yourself. Every time you fall into the bad mood, you will automatically want to change it.

When you get bored, think about what you would like to do to fix your mood. When you feel low, treat yourself (I hate that expression but it works). Go out and buy something for yourself, treat yourself to a meal you love, have a bubble bath, remember all the wonderful people in your life or, one of my favorites, donate money. In any way to anyone you want. Giving is something that will instantly raise your vibration.

Remember all those LoA sources telling you to get in a good mood first and then, think about having your desire in order to attract it even faster. To that, I want to add that when you remain in a good mood, when it becomes your goal, you will manifest your desires fast anyway.

Repeat affirmations!

When this dark feeling comes to you, you can change it by training your brain to automatically think opposite thoughts. You can repeat affirmations, self-devised or any you have read and liked, training your mind to automatically go to the positive when you think of the negative.

In addition…

You can always use the steps described here. You will notice the similarities.

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Why don’t you think you’re amazing?

I preach confidence non-stop because it makes manifestation easy. It helps you stay in a good mood. It makes everything in life easier. Many readers have told me they struggle with maintaining their confidence especially when manifesting relationships.

Confidence is a positive feeling, awareness and attitude. Confident individuals never judge themselves or others – one of the most important lessons we could ever learn. Confident people love their lives because they arrange them in all kinds of positive ways.

Now, do you love or need?

Loving the person you are allows you to love another. Feeling incomplete while thinking that another could complete you will inevitably trick you into thinking that you need them to be the person you always wanted to be.

Truth is, you don’t need anyone – relationships are a choice. You are capable of being happy on your own, allowing love to manifest into your life. Being happy on your own is also very healthy, allowing you to be the best possible partner to the person of your choice.

The most amazing partners are those who can be happy on their own.

Need or Have It?

Feeling that you need any desire you may have will lower your vibration. Remember that as a rule, warning you of what to avoid.

Obviously, you want to avoid lowering your own vibration yet it happens, usually as a result of falling into negative thoughts, missing something or someone.

Wanting something you are currently missing provides a problem for your mind. Noticing the absence of your desire can cause attachment – another form of need for your desire to manifest, making it impossible to arrive.

Needing leads to more of the same. Feeling confident in having your desire already leads to its manifestation.

 

NEED VS. LOVE

Observe the difference between the following scenarios.

You have chosen a specific person. You wanted your mind blown and they live up to the task, making your head spin already. They are captivating, independent, joyous, smart and simply beautiful. They seem different, interesting, and they seem to love their life. Taken by these positive feelings you are experiencing, you’ve attracted various interactions with this person, from conversations to possibly even a date. Now, you want even more of their time since they seem to make life even better and because you deem them perfect, you are overthinking how to proceed. Any idea you have is followed by indecision, lack of self-confidence and your uncertainty that you can match their luminous quality. Your insecurity becomes obvious to them, causing them to distance themselves from you or place you in the friend zone. They still respect you but things aren’t moving in the direction you would prefer. You deem them too smart, gorgeous and interesting, thinking they might not see the same in you while in reality, you only reaffirm that you don’t see yourself as such. Or, you idealize them. You want their love as an overall validation, proving all the naysayers wrong and proving to yourself that you can do anything. You might think they’re as impressive as you want to be. You probably see them as beautiful as you want them to see you. Whichever of these possible scenarios you experience, you will ultimately become less and less interested in their true feelings and increasingly worried about why they don’t love you. Does that sound like real love and appreciation? Does it even sound like you are connecting with their true vibration? Do you really want to know them or just want them to fulfill your needs, especially those you have to fulfill? Because nobody can truly give you what you don’t feel within.

You think this person is too good to be true. You feel the need to be with them and end up disappointed. You failed to connect with the true essence of this person, idealizing them instead of truly wanting to know them. You thought they were too good to be true yet they are good enough just the way they are…and so are you. The only problem is, you weren’t ready to truly connect with them, probably fearing disappointment and your fantasy crushed. Yet that fantasy is not the same as a relationship.

On the other hand, how do you feel when you know that you can have anything, including the exact relationship you want? When you know, you feel amazing! You don’t feel the need for your specific relationship but only love that it’s a done deal, appeared already or will appear soon, however you perceive it in the moment. You think about it for as long as it makes you happy, moving onto something else when you feel like it. When negative thoughts and fears come up, you examine the reasons for them or ignore them because you know they’re false. However, if you choose to examine them, you do so because you want to be the person you admire which requires self-honesty. You want to know what your fears are telling you and face them so they would disappear. You feel good because your life is exciting, fulfilling and fun; you have other things to think about besides your relationship, just like your specific person does. You both love your lives and want to share them with each other. You know that what you want is yours. You are capable of relaxing and doing what makes you happy because it is the way to your desire. You feel great about yourself and cannot wait to share that with your specific person while enjoying them share their life with you in return. It’s very possible you don’t care what other people think of you. When enjoying life that much, you attract even more amazing things and people into it. They pay attention to you because happiness is attractive. Your vibration is high and you love it. Why would you ever lower it?

What happens after you absolutely know your desire belongs to you? This feeling is butterfly-inducing at first and is in itself spectacular.

I love spectacular manifestation stories – the spectacular part rests not only in the manifestation itself but also living with it every day. If you feel that your desire is spectacular simply because you would love to live it, so will be the story. The spectacular part lies in the sharing, giving, feeling and experiencing everyday life. If you don’t see the spectacular in what you do and who you want be with every day, you are missing the point.

 

WHAT ABOUT YOUR NEGATIVE THOUGHTS? 

After a while, you fail to understand why you ever had negative thoughts and wasted your time with them. As useful as they may be in uncovering limiting beliefs, it is time to say goodbye to (reacting to) them afterwards.

Facing and ridding yourself of negative thoughts works. However, their solving has to hold the purpose of replacing those negative thoughts with positive ones – you are resolving your negative thoughts in order to be able to only focus on the positive life you want to live.

If you only get rid of your negative thoughts but don’t form new, positive beliefs to take their place, what’s the point? In that case, you’re also focusing on what you don’t want instead of thinking about what you do want. Not knowing what you want to create leads to negative thoughts! You are not making a point of keeping focus on having your desire already if you see this process as exhausting or “work.” However, that shows your level of love and attachment to your desire.

If you are having a hard time imagining that you have your desire and loving the idea, do you really want it that much?

This is the crucial question you must ask yourself – do you think it’s possible for you to truly be happy with your specific person? Do you think they could be a great partner? Do you want to make them the happiest they’ve ever been?

Do you believe they can make you happy?

Manifesting a relationship should feel easy in order to manifest quickly and easily. In theory, imagining yourself with the person you want should only be filled with love. Feeling negatively about the person you want literally means contradicting laws of the Universe and is a reason you feel upset with yourself.

If you are upset with your specific person, you are upset with yourself over some scenario of not being good enough.

If upset about the past, you are upset with yourself for it – for blaming yourself when it happened, attracting it in the first place, tolerating it when you shouldn’t have or being too weak to leave when it was time.

And, you know it.

Now, you can forgive yourself for it; you know what to do and are starting over. You are happy. When manifesting a specific relationship, choose someone you want to make the the happiest they’ve ever been. Find them fascinating exactly for who they are. Know they are going to make an amazing partner. If you feel this way, you will be able to see yourself with them easily, removing the need for the relationship and manifesting it into your life.

The only part you really need to control is your belief. Then, maintaining your vibration will be easy.

THOUGHT OF THE DAY

I recently wrote about one of my closest friends meeting one of her personal heroes. While reflecting on her manifestation just yesterday, she said:

“When you feel exhausted, you are clinging to your desire. You feel worn out trying to attract it but are suffocating the flow instead. This is when you have to let go of your desire without fear.”

You can read her story here.