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Girl Talk: How Positive Feelings Lead to Specific Positive Experiences in Dating and Relationships

The other night, I was in a deep discussion with a friend as we were driving around the city at 2 a.m.. Sharing experiences of recent and not-so-recent encounters with men, her accurate grasp of relationships absolutely amazed me.

Insightful and astute, my friend instantly pinpointed the gist of any story she or I shared. I was humbled in the most amazing way, in adoration and respect of this fresh mind – not perspective but the mind itself, as she managed to angle her perception any which way in order to reach the necessary answers. Her mind was just flawlessly on.

My own mind wasn’t entirely on that particular night. I found myself drifting from jokes to listening without responding verbally, focused as my listening was. The night was fun but after a while, I wanted to change my current state of mind. My moments of disconnect happen rarely but I have long decided to own them when they do, admitting to thinly veiled jokes and my entirely honest thoughts. Calling it as I feel it, I feel better when I admit it anyway. Secrets have no use and pretence has no place in a happy and more importantly, free individual’s life.

Keeping secrets is a burden, mostly when you keep your own…and every individual pretending to be someone else keeps the biggest secret of all. Avoiding authenticity has no place in happy relationships and if you wish to attract them, loving and accepting yourself fully is what attracts love and acceptance from your desired partner, even in moments of disagreement.

Pretending to be anyone other than who you are equals keeping a secret.

My friend openly expressed her current views and faced the evolvement of her situation with acceptance and positivity; much to her glee, she experienced a positive turnaround less than an hour after I dropped her off. In regard to one particular discussion, she opened my mind – a gesture I was immensely grateful for. In another discussion, her kind words appealed to my already open heart.

She had made me think.

My friend attracted what she wanted by accepting the current reality for what it was, feeling good about herself and the other person, and lovingly imagining the future.

She helped me back into my sense of inner peace which I attracted with her help.

Best part, this discussion didn’t even seem heavy. I am used to feeling so light that either anything feels light or what feels heavy I apologize for bringing up but this was serious yet normal, natural and typical of the way life goes. It was comforting and positive.

I am a person with specific preferences that knows what she wants. I like my mind clear and respectfully expressive which usually leads to rediscovering that most people aren’t used to honesty. When it comes to relationships, I also experienced moments of thinking that a profoundly happy love was the simplest thing to ask for yet the most complicated goal to achieve but when I say moments, I literally mean moments – my positive mind would allow me to snap out of it momentarily and remember what I believed instead. Fleeting is not a problem as long as it doesn’t equate one’s core belief (and then, it isn’t fleeting anyway). That night, my friend reminded me of my goals instead of allowing me to indulge in short-term distractions. She helped me out of that moment and back into my positive thoughts while her story inspired me.

My relationship goals are my core and mental distractions are temporary – I feel like I’ve been coming to terms with this particular lesson since the beginning of the year.

My friend also reminded me of something unexpected – when faced with conflicted thoughts, talking them out helps. I prefer talking about my conflicted thoughts to be as brief as possible, never going into overtime, as my fastest track to their (dis)solution tends to be calling them what they are and moving forward. Indulging in them has never made me happy and I doubt it ever could. Indulging in negative thoughts is nothing but mental hibernation.

Those who indulge in negative thoughts about relationships continue to attract the same type of person and relationship over and over. If you are currently attracting the type of person and relationship you don’t want anymore, you simply must change focus.

My friend had – starting off conflicted about her relationship, she eventually began to feel good about it and manifested its improvement. She attracted improvement with the same person.

I needed to self-improve that night and she helped me. I am a better person for it, as I have faced and resolved my latest annoyances with her help.

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Are You Ashamed of Your Past/Present?

If you are, it might be the reason you keep getting stuck, manifesting the same situations over and over again, without knowing how to break free and manifest what you want for a change.

Is shame the manifesting block you have been trying to pinpoint and overcome? If so, you are now on your way out of the darkness.

Being ashamed of something you’ve done or experienced is just another version of feeling as if you are not good enough; it is the fear of inadequacy that makes you doubt your own worth, power or ability to make life happen. That sense of shame can be strong enough to effortlessly keep you focused on your perceived mistakes instead of enjoying the visualizations of the life you want, making you feel like you don’t deserve that life because of the embarrassment endured.

This might read like a childish concept to some but many adults carry a burden of shame. The need to be better instead of accepting that you are good enough already and can be anything you want to be does not always vanish with age and maturity (if anything, the pressure to keep proving oneself often grows); however, it should. It should vanish in anyone of any age who is suffering from shame or a sense of inadequacy because we decide who we are and how we feel.

No one needs to be ashamed of themselves or their actions if those actions came from the heart and from the best of intentions to pursue one’s happiness. Those who feel ashamed of their actions which had hurt another human or living being can proceed to find self-love and self-respect after forgiving themselves for their actions, no matter what it takes…and anyone has the ability to take these steps.  

Let’s discuss the root causes of shame and why it is self-inflicted. Let’s show exactly how and why one’s sense of shame can be permanently removed from one’s life.

 

First of all, I don’t believe in mistakes. Short of committing a crime, mistakes are non-existent. What we make are choices and for better or worse, who we are determines the choices we are going to make.

If you have made a choice that made you feel bad about yourself, you have already outgrown that sort of behavior and learned from it. You have already outgrown the choice you had made if you are sure that you would never make it again and for that, your experience might have just been worth it. 

If your choice resulted in the shame connected with your perceived lack of ability to attract the person or the relationship you want, that limiting belief of your “lack of ability” is the problem, not the sense of shame it caused.

A sense of shame is always the result of a deep limiting belief that prevents you from manifesting your desired reality. 

Look beyond the shame itself – look at what it is that makes you feel ashamed. Why do you feel ashamed? Therein lies the root of your problem, your self-imposed limiting belief. But how does that belief lead to shame in the first place?

Oftentimes, it is not the choice you made that was the problem but the way it made you feel. Most of the time, the reason you are ashamed is not as big of a deal as you fear it to be but the sensation it continues to cause inside you says something about your self-perception, self-confidence and a sense of self-worth.

For example…

The reason you might fear what the person you are interested in might think of you is because deep down, you already deem yourself inadequate. You have already made that decision about yourself and now you fear someone else mirroring it back to you. Do you see how it all starts with you? 

You may have made a seemingly silly move but it’s important to remember that it’s not what you did – it’s how you feel about it. What seemed silly and embarrassing to you might have gone unnoticed by the person you have set your sights on and anyway, that’s not the point. Again, the question of why you feel the shame remains.

Do you think that you would only feel good about yourself if you were perfect? Is the need for perfection without which you feel inadequate the reason for the shame you carry around? Or do you feel that something you have done or experienced in the past has made you undeserving of happiness for the rest of your life? 

If you feel that way, you must get rid of a deceptive idea that there are better or perfect people in the world. If you feel undeserving, you probably hold an idea of the kind of people who are more deserving than you; however, you must remember that these ideas are only in your head and nowhere near reality. You are not any less valuable than anyone else. Nobody in the world is better than you.

 

We are all worthy individuals, as we have stated on this blog many times. Try to respect yourself as much as you do some others and you’ll see how great it will make you feel. Know that if you decide that all your “shameful” moments are over and forgotten, you will stop reacting to the thoughts of them or completely forget about them just as everyone else will, too.

Trust me.

Thought of the Day

Law of Attraction is one of the most natural concepts to use and the most difficult to understand; sticking to imagining that you have what you want already and being grateful that it’s yours is enough to believe and achieve. 

Make the process easy on yourself and stick to its simplicity. 

Thought of the Day 

Face your worries without judging yourself for having them. You can remove them simply by understanding them. 

Opatija, Croatia

Thought of the Day

As you practice self love, living the life of your dreams starts to feel like the most natural thing in the world.

Then, you see yourself living your desire without resistance.

Do You Trust Your Specific Person and/or Yourself?

When manifesting a relationship, it is always with a specific man I chose. When there is one I want to be with, I see us together and I easily visualize the situations in which we are together, as I want our relationship to be. If I imagine something I want to live, it makes me feel good.

Sounds simple, right?

If you want to manifest a specific relationship, do you feel good when imagining the two of you together? If you don’t, why don’t you?

Is it because you think a relationship should happen a certain way? If that’s the case, either accept that you can change things or if you don’t want to, you can always find someone else who will give you an even better feeling. You must believe that you can have what you want with the person you want in order to manifest it.

Is your mutual past still bothering you? Or your past with someone else which you fear repeating? Get over it and move on. This is not criticism, just a suggestion. Get over it because you deserve to. You don’t deserve to be an emotional slave to someone else or worse, yourself because you choose to hold onto the hurt from the past. The person who hurt you is not better than you – more importantly, they are someone you will be happier staying away from so it’s good that they keep their distance from you, right? After all, you choose to feel hurt by someone else’s actions or, not. No one can hurt you if you refuse to allow it and if you ever did, change that today. You deserve to be happy instead.

Are you afraid of getting involved with this person? Maybe you don’t trust them or just don’t trust that they could make you happy. You must feel good about this person in order to believe that you could actually be with them which means appreciating what you do about them and accepting the rest.

These are just a few examples but you see what I mean.

You don’t have to be or feel perfect – just positive. Happy. Happiness is all you need. Happiness is everything.

Do You Feel Guilty?

Do you ever feel guilty about living in a beautiful home, being born into wealth, owning beautiful clothes, driving the car of your choice, the admiration you receive, working very little for great money, ending a relationship to great protest from your (former) partner, being in a relationship with someone who was desired by others but fell in love with you or quitting a job because you knew there was something better out there while your boss objected?

Do you feel guilty because of all the praise you receive, thinking you should be doing even more or fix the problems of every person in the world?

Do you ever feel guilty for having your pick of potential friends and romantic partners because people seem to be magnetically drawn to you?

Do you ever feel guilty for putting your own happiness first?

Do you feel guilty for being able to manifest everything you want instantly while others struggle?

Or, do you know that you should just enjoy and feel grateful for everything you have, loving it immensely, loving your life and knowing that the way to keep the blessings flowing is to be grateful for them?

In order to keep anything in your life, you must love and appreciate it. In order to keep another person in your life, you must love and appreciate them.

I can tell you that attempted guilt trips from some people in the past have made me want to distance myself from them. Once, a friend told me I was wrong to want to spend time with people other than her, as she wanted to do everything together. I felt suffocated and distanced myself from her until she eventually ended our friendship. I was grateful for it.

Another time, I quit a job after only four months. I knew it wasn’t right and leaving as soon as I realized it was the right thing to do. My then boss protested, making me even more convinced that I had made the right decision; however, someone close to me told me I should have stuck it out since “this man did hire you, after all.”

So what? It was his choice to do so, just like it was my choice to stay in this job or leave. I disliked the job and working with him profoundly, especially his sudden expectation of my working full time for a part time salary. It was an unhealthy environment for me to be in and things would have only gotten worse had I stayed. By the end, I wanted to distance myself from him as well as the person who had protested my choice of quitting together with him. Days later, I packed up and flew across the continent to visit some friends and remind myself I deserved to be happy.

Many fail to see the difference between choice and attachment. Every job, collaboration, friendship and a relationship is a choice! Someone who disagrees with your choices and tries to guilt you into making their choice is not giving love to you even though they think so – instead, they are trying to force their attachment on you, thinking you should want the same thing they do. They believe you don’t want to be with them as much as they want to be with you and condemn you for it in one way or another because they allow your freedom to upset them. When someone thinks that you should want to attend to their needs, they are projecting their (negative) feelings of inadequacy on you.

On the other hand, if they loved themselves and gave love and freedom to you instead of depending on you for their (temporary) happiness (because happiness based on external factors such as another person never lasts – only inner happiness does), you would have changed your mind. In that case, they would have offered you happiness and quality to come to.

It can be difficult to keep something in your life if you don’t appreciate it. What you feel negatively about in any way tends to leave or never appear, depending on whether or not you have it already. This is why you should never feel guilty for anything you love about your life.

You choose your experiences, career, love life, financial wealth and happiness.

You choose the people you want in your life.

People choose to talk to you, be with you, not be with you or create any type of connections with you – just like you do with them. If you want someone in your life, you are to influence them with love, positive energy and feeling wonderfully about yourself so that you could allow them to feel just as wonderfully about you. You are to respect their freedom and send loving/positive energy to them if you want them in your life. This energy will attract them. Out of that freedom, others choose to come to you which is how couples and friends come together.

So many are unhappy because the world tells them what they should want and they listen, as if they hold obligations to anyone but themselves. Their guilt dictates their reality.

You must be sure that what you want is yours and feel grateful for it, without guilt. Feeling guilty about wanting to live an abundant life keeps that life away from you.

I never feel guilty about anything I desire – I deserve it. If I take some time to figure out what I want, that’s fine, too. Life isn’t going anywhere and there’s plenty of time for everything. As soon as I decide and change my inner energy, life catches up.

How to Break Free From “Not Having” Your Desire

The feeling of your desire missing from your life can be annoying, upsetting and can drive you into frantically working to change it in order to attract your desire instead.

I won’t even try to describe that feeling beautifully or eloquently because it isn’t; instead, this feeling is unpleasant and can lower your mood.

However, I am going to suggest several solutions for it.

Remain committed to staying in a good mood!

When your goal in life is to be in a good mood no matter what you do and where you are, knowing that bad mood is a waste of time, you will automatically want to go out and do something for yourself. Every time you fall into the bad mood, you will automatically want to change it.

When you get bored, think about what you would like to do to fix your mood. When you feel low, treat yourself (I hate that expression but it works). Go out and buy something for yourself, treat yourself to a meal you love, have a bubble bath, remember all the wonderful people in your life or, one of my favorites, donate money. In any way to anyone you want. Giving is something that will instantly raise your vibration.

Remember all those LoA sources telling you to get in a good mood first and then, think about having your desire in order to attract it even faster. To that, I want to add that when you remain in a good mood, when it becomes your goal, you will manifest your desires fast anyway.

Repeat affirmations!

When this dark feeling comes to you, you can change it by training your brain to automatically think opposite thoughts. You can repeat affirmations, self-devised or any you have read and liked, training your mind to automatically go to the positive when you think of the negative.

In addition…

You can always use the steps described here. You will notice the similarities.

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Why don’t you think you’re amazing?

I preach confidence non-stop because it makes manifestation easy. It helps you stay in a good mood. It makes everything in life easier. Many readers have told me they struggle with maintaining their confidence especially when manifesting relationships.

Confidence is a positive feeling, awareness and attitude. Confident individuals never judge themselves or others – one of the most important lessons we could ever learn. Confident people love their lives because they arrange them in all kinds of positive ways.

Now, do you love or need?

Loving the person you are allows you to love another. Feeling incomplete while thinking that another could complete you will inevitably trick you into thinking that you need them to be the person you always wanted to be.

Truth is, you don’t need anyone – relationships are a choice. You are capable of being happy on your own, allowing love to manifest into your life. Being happy on your own is also very healthy, allowing you to be the best possible partner to the person of your choice.

The most amazing partners are those who can be happy on their own.

Do You Cling to Specific Behaviors?

When it comes to men and women especially, a difference in behaviors, reasons for those behaviors, habits and approach methods can cause a riff between the two sides, resulting in arguments and resentment. One side feels that the other should act a certain way if they care while the other feels that they did nothing wrong but lived their life while also building a potential relationship and expressed their feelings.

Let’s deal with the side of an intentional manifestation practitioner who wants to know their desired relationship is manifesting.

A manifestation practitioner who feels this way wants to see evidence of their desire manifesting now. However, letting go is the only way to see results now but instead, they incessantly check their phone, email and social media hoping to see something there.

They are displaying the need for their desire to manifest instead of love and trust that it will.

I know you know this by now but this is not criticism. We are simply discussing it because that type of behavior prevents you from manifesting your desired relationship. In addition, it prevents you from being happy now since looking for something that you feel is missing is enough to make you miserable.

The knowing of your desired relationship manifesting is inside you, not among the signs you receive or the reactions you get. All of those things follow your awareness.

You could do every couple thing with someone and still not be a couple. Or, you could not even have communicated with another for a long time and suddenly, you became a couple. You have to realize that this is where creation rests, not in the number of texts you receive.

This type of conflict happens between men and women for various reasons.

There was a period of my life when I entered relationships faster than you could blink. Not flings, relationships. I would be introducing my new boyfriend around, not caring whether or not I might want him a month from then. I was living in the moment. I was positive it was the right thing to do and I still am convinced it was so. I was enjoying loving feelings for as long as they lasted, expressing myself freely. I was going with the flow of the relationship. At the same time, I would see others in miserable long-term relationships yet staying together. I was in a long-term relationship once as well, for as long as I was happy in it. However, I manifest and have relationships when I want them because I don’t condition them to last forever. I want to be happy. I focus on the love instead of things that have nothing to do with a happy relationship. It can last or it doesn’t have to but let’s see how it goes.

However, not all my exes took that as lightly. After a while, one took me for granted, thinking a relationship would last just because he had found someone he wanted to settle down with. He thought I would stay with him just because we were together for a long time but I ended it because he had stopped trying. Once I knew I wanted out, I ended it. Two others expected that I would want a long-term relationship with them just because they did but had put their needs before mine. They thought I should give them what they wanted by default but relationships are a choice. I choose to be with someone or, not. However, they depended on me for their happiness and self-esteem. So, I left.

Do you see what I mean? Because this is something men and women have in common.

You cannot expect to only be happy around your specific person or with them in your life and expect to stay attractive to them. Why? Because depending on another for happiness doesn’t make you feel good either. You must have your own life, work, activities, hobbies, interests, purpose, friends and the things you love. You can share as much as you want with your specific person but not be practically incapable of living without them. This is especially important for women to know.

Trying to rush your manifestation frantically shows that you cannot feel good unless you have it in your life. This energy blocks it from coming just like depending on another for your happiness blocks them from seeing you as someone they want to be in a relationship with.

You don’t have to be superwoman – just a woman who feels comfortable with herself, values herself and loves everything she is, which gives her confidence. Only when you love you will you able to love another.

A happy relationship is created when you love the person enough to allow them to be themselves instead of wanting them to cater to your needs. A happy relationship is created when you think positively enough about the person to want to give to them and the relationship instead of thinking what they should want to give to you. Imagine wanting to spend time with them and wanting to make them happy!

Now, let’s talk about those of you who know that someone is “the one” for life. If I can be relaxed without needing a relationship to last, why couldn’t you be happy knowing you have found someone with him you will manifest a lasting relationship? You have it figured out so be happy! You know you can manifest this so why entertain the thoughts that make you miserable, such as those of you two being apart?

Do you see how many good things you have to look forward to? If you focus on them, you will allow the Universe to work out the details for you.

A reader pointed out her area of struggle, believing her desire belongs to her already, saying:

“Would you please kindly address more how can I be sure myself that I can have it and how to gain that strong intention–”

I could once again say “capture the feeling of having it” or “visualize having it once and stick to it” but a permanent solution to this problem can be achieved by looking within and asking yourself why you don’t feel that you can have and live your desire.

Once you realize why you are blocking yourself from receiving your desire, why you believe to be undeserving, you can remember that we all manifest what we believe. Then, think about what you want to believe. How do you want to see yourself? Because the way you see yourself is the way others see you.

If you fear away from exploring your limiting beliefs, it will be difficult to manifest what you want. Some have told me they felt embarrassed after looking within and finding guilt, shame and an inferiority complex.

However, I have an easy answer which will make you see that exploring and resolving limiting beliefs can be easy.

You don’t have to be afraid or ashamed – nobody feels amazing every minute. Let a negative feeling go and move on. In the moments you feel less than great, you can again feel great when you stop pretending, admit how you feel and stop seeing it as a big deal or something embarrassing.

Be confident about your feelings, no matter what they are. I can openly say how I feel and move on. If I ever felt embarrassed, I would say it and as soon as I did, it went away. That was how I eventually lost the grasp of what embarrassment felt like. If I feel sad, I say it and feel better immediately. You could vocalize negative emotions with the purpose of releasing them and then move on from them.

You could also admit to someone you trust that you feel inadequate (including your fellow readers on this blog) and not only will they remind you of how worthy you are, you will feel that it is false as soon as you say it. As you explore your feelings, you will see how much there is in your life to be grateful for and feel positively about. You are surrounded by people who love you and you have so much! You cannot put all of life’s importance to a desire you are now wanting to manifest. You have to be complete before it comes to you.

Awakening all of these ideas inside you is enough to make you see that you can have anything you want but have to have a life outside of it, too. Clinging to a desire too much makes you feel like you don’t have it, blocking your desired manifestation. However, realizing there is no reason to cling to this desire is very important. You already have a rich life.

If you could see yourself as rich, valuable and colorful as you want to be, you will easily accomplish your goals. Confidence is the answer to everything, if you ask me. Tell yourself you are ready to receive and live your desire and then, visualize having it. Thank the Universe for it, let it go and in the moments of doubt, remind yourself that since you asked for your desire, you must receive it because the Universe knows what you want. You have to trust it to give you what you want – that way, you are allowing it to do the work for you.

Are You Ready?

I find it necessary to explain in further detail  the process of one’s feelings when manifesting a relationship. Yes, we all know to ask and allow ourselves to receive but what about those unable to let go without understanding why? Those who feel uncomfortable without understanding why?

Just because I tell you it can all be overcome doesn’t mean I don’t understand your struggle. As always, I will also tell you how I do it and trust that it will help you.

Manifesting relationships requires absolute certainty of wanting a specific person and a relationship with them. I have to want to be with the man in question. Being aware of my preferences in choosing this man helps, as I am aware of why I like him and want to be with him. To give you an idea, I tend to admire a man with an open heart.

After deciding on a specific man, I love being absolutely intoxicated with the idea of being in a relationship with him as often as I can. When it comes to calmer moments, I still visualize situations of simply thinking, “I’m so happy with him.” That sentiment can come to me in any situation and I can feel it just by looking at him. I love to create our relationship in my mind and heart, with the help of my feelings. Imagining I have it already is always supported by vivid visualization of the relationship I love and enjoy. I love that the relationship is mine already simply because I’ve decided so. Feeling that I have it already motivates my actions from the start.

In the past, I shared my happy feelings for a specific man with my friends. If I didn’t, one of my closest friends knew there was a problem (with my feelings). She would then say,

“If you haven’t mentioned his name in a few days, it means there’s trouble in paradise.”

Today, I verbalize it less and differently. I am comfortable with change which allows me to accept my new preferences. However, the feeling of loving my relationship and the happiness of being in it (already) remain strong.

Once I calm down from the euphoria, I realize that all those positive feelings have truly made me believe my desire belongs to me already. This is the benefit of any positive feelings – they reshape your awareness. This is the reason why, if ever experiencing a lack of positive feelings, you are advised to go out and do something nice for yourself or someone else. You will automatically be filled with love!

In the moments of resistance, I already know it’s false because I believe in my relationship. Resistance feels weak because my belief is strong. This is why I only advocate working on the belief, as it obliterates anything else.

Once you begin putting all your energy into your belief and make a commitment to stop reacting to your fears, the belief will grow. It will feel real, strong and the resistance will actually feel false and slightly paranoid. Resistance never makes sense – many tend to come up with outrageous scenarios in their minds.

I have been called an amazing girlfriend in the past. I think one of the main reasons for it was because I dared to feel a tremendous amount of love for the man in question, our relationship and myself. If I wasn’t being called an amazing girlfriend anymore, I had already started to feel uncomfortable in the relationship.

The knowing my relationship belonging to me already is mostly calm. Various situations will give me butterflies but the overall feeling of knowing is steady and calm. The feeling of having everything I wanted evokes gratitude in me but is also calm because it is organic.

Being in your specific relationship has to feel natural to you – then, you’ll be open to living it. Living in your house feels natural so you remain in it. Your physical appearance is something you’re used to seeing in the mirror every day –  you offer no resistance to accepting that it’s real, as you see it every day. See what I mean?

Your relationship has to feel real and natural to you. In the cases of conscious creation, you simply have to develop new habits allowing you to perceive the relationship as real.

Be mentally ready to live your relationship. You can achieve this with simply feeling love and letting go. I believe one must truly feel good about themselves in order to be ready for their desired relationship. Happy relationships require happy and confident individuals who are also courageous and comfortable with themselves.

You might be looking for a solution that will change your thought process without you having to do it yourself – that is why some keep searching for the perfect LoA technique. However, the answer lies in a conscious decision being made on your end.

You might be wondering why so many suggest feeling gratitude for your desire, as if you have it in your life already. Well, the reason is gratitude evokes and increases the love inside you. Feeling truly grateful for your desire will expand your heart energy, allow you to feel love for your desire and appreciate your life.

Today, I’m just excited to see my parents and give them a hug. It’s enough.