Dealing With Another Person’s Criticism of Your Appearance

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I recently changed my hair color. Many of my close ones liked it, loved it or commented of how striking it was…except one person.

One of the closest people to me told me my new hair color was “too dark” for me several times. Their opinion didn’t change my perception but I didn’t like hearing it either.

Then, I realized that it wasn’t the words I heard that lowered my vibration – every time this person commented on my hair, I was already on a moderately lower vibration than usual. I’d been tired or momentarily annoyed about something and right then, this person commented on my hair without me having asked.

So I got back on a high vibration. I pampered myself, chose positive thoughts, had nothing but positive expectations and nurtured my appearance. I started manifesting many things every day again and soon enough, I began receiving compliments for my hair from most individuals I would come across.

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I already loved my hair when looking in the mirror and then, everyone else told me how much they loved it, too. And the best thing was that I had partially raised my own vibration by looking in the mirror and loving what I saw, regardless of the disapproval from a person close to me.

I hadn’t questioned my love for my dark hair but this person commented on it being “too dark” in the moments my vibration was low due to other, unrelated momentary irritations.

It only matters what you truly like – not anybody else.

I wish I could tell you I had come to some new revelations as a result of this but I am simply going to continue to preach what I always do. It only matters that you always keep yourself on a high vibration for yourself, do what you like and expect to receive what you like/expect that everything you want is yours already. No one else’s opinion matters and it won’t make you happy unless you like yourself. You have to think about who you want to be and what will make you happy to have.

Criticism from others doesn’t come from them even when you feel like it does – it comes from you already feeling not so great about yourself. It comes from perceiving your own lack of value while being on a low vibration. When you engage in annoying thoughts about anything, you don’t believe the best of yourself and then, others don’t either.

When you’re annoyed about anything, you acknowledge that life isn’t what you want and your vibration continues to lower; however, when negative thoughts come and you pick yourself up by remembering how valuable you are and that what you want is yours already, you remember that you deserve and already possess everything you’ve set your heart on.

Confidence and self-love are even more important than you think, even when you perceive them as the most important aspects of life. There is no limit to their importance to our happiness.

You must put in the necessary work and discover what you truly desire. If someone’s words or behavior upsets you, this is a sign of being unhappy with yourself and until this part of you is resolved – not by receiving approval from others but by you – you will be preventing yourself from manifesting your dreams.

Switch to being a positive person from now on and watch everything you want come together soon.

How to Use the Law of Attraction to Stop Growing Older

There is an idea I continuously struggle with – why does ageing, the most normal concept in the world, absolutely must mean “growing older” by default? And I wouldn’t have a problem with this if, according to society, it didn’t automatically mean having to drop everything they loved about themselves or life because beauty, self love and joy are usually only associated with those aged twenty five or less (or older but rich and famous, worst case).

But should you really listen to society? Law of Attraction says that the way you see yourself is the way others will see you, and that you will attract people who agree with your positive awareness into your life and see you exactly as you see yourself.

You don’t have to see yourself as old just because you’re older than twenty five. You don’t have to perceive yourself as “older” with every passing year. You are simply moving forward chronologically but do not force yourself to become “older” as a result, especially not by engaging in negative thoughts about yourself due to age.

You only grow older if you feel older but the simple concept of ageing does not mean you have to lose your youthful spirit.

And I’m not going to lie to you, I have a hard time standing people who use their age as an excuse to stop trying and start feeling entitled in life. They are not attractive. They are undervaluing and underselling themselves every day for no good reason, yet they deserve as much love and happiness as any other (young) person or any person they admire and look up to.

Why is “young” only limited to your mean twenties and below? I’m thirty three which is still very young. Any age is too young for something. Two is too young to start school. Thirteen is too young to call yourself an adult, start working full time and live on your own. Sixty is too young to die. With all these examples, why can’t most individuals drop the concept of connecting youth or a youthful spirit to age?

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Me, age 1.

Considering yourself “too old” for what you want (or anything, for that matter) can potentially hurt your manifestation abilities. If you observe it from society’s regular point of view, feeling too old for something can ruin your mood and prompt you to consider yourself unworthy instead of deserving of making your dreams come true.

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With a seeing eye dog, age 25.

An easy way to beat your fear is to say the following.

The older I get, the better I look. 

You will notice we used the phrase “older” here even though we said we wouldn’t give it importance – this is because using a fearful word in a positive context takes away its power to make you feel negative. We have taken the word “older” and turned it into something good. The choice of words when using affirmations is important but not in the way you think I’m about to define.

I live by this affirmation and use it once a day…and I would never want to go back to looking the way I did at twenty five, given the choice. It’s not that it wasn’t good but what I have now is even better. Don’t you want to love yourself more with each passing year and not less?

When using affirmations, use the words that make you feel good! If you do this, you will feel good saying and thinking about those affirmations, and this positive energy will produce the very thing that you desire.

What would your perfectly worded version of this affirmation be?

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Me through several years and hairdos – ages 1, 27 and 29.

Allowing ourselves to find ourselves “too old” for the things we would truly love to have is a mistake. Seriously, what’s good about it? What would be the point? I have come to realize that a person’s sense of identity might be challenged or altered with age but there is a difference between being mature and feeling “old.” I can keep my youthful spirit while remaining a mature person with good values. I can remain positive while knowing that I should never stop trying new things in life, as they open my mind and allow me to keep getting to know myself. It doesn’t matter if I try something once or if it turns into my new favorite pastime – either way, it raises my vibration, making me realize who I am all over again while lightening my awareness and overall mood.

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In Brussels, age 26.

You can’t stop feeling and therefore dressing attractive(ly) just because your chronological age has increased. Ageing does not excuse you to stop being, feeling and dressing attractive because this type of awareness is reserved for young people. It isn’t. There is age-appropriate sexy but dropping it altogether is another big mistake you want to avoid. You can’t stop feeling like a woman, a man, a beautiful or a sexually viable person simply because you are now forty, fifty or sixty instead of twenty three. This can’t happen because you will not be happy if you set aside highlighting (and enjoying) your physical beauty. If you did, you would damage your confidence and end up exactly where you don’t want to be – depending on the approval of others because you don’t love yourself enough. 

Don’t do this. It goes against the very principle of self-love, a love that is necessary to make Law of Attraction work.

I mean, we all know at least one example of this. There is a wonderful person in every single on of our lives that is smart, beautiful and worthy but all they do is talk about the level of attractiveness they’re lacking. They  never talk about how good they feel about the way they look but merely refer to themselves as “old” or “unappealing.” They are perpetually focused on everything that’s wrong with their looks.

I know someone who used to be like this and changed. They used to constantly complain about how they “don’t need to bother dressing up.” They used to call others desirable but spoke of themselves as if they were the opposite. They were convinced others didn’t like them due to reasons that were entirely self-imposed. One day, they realized that those who are attractive view themselves as such first. They realized that age does not matter when it comes to beauty. Since, they have been enjoying their beauty, happily spent time pampering themselves and as they had no one but themselves to blame for their formerly negative attitude, they suddenly turned it entirely positive.

I’ve also helped others change from this (and this isn’t me bragging – I’m a life coach). I have seen the most beautiful, wonderful, amazing, the luckiest people look down on themselves because they had been focusing on the one thing they felt was missing from their life instead of focusing on what they had and let the Law of Attraction give them even more.

These are also the individuals who don’t understand the concept of “age appropriate.” This term doesn’t exist to make you feel older – it exists to help you look younger! If you wear the clothes appropriate for your figure and age, you will look younger, not older! Just because age-appropriate looks exist does not mean you’re being called “old.” These things exist to enhance your appearance in order to make you look younger!

If I were to wear a style appropriate for a ten year old at thirty three, I would definitely look even older; if I wore clothing appropriate to my age, I would actually look younger. This is an important factor many don’t understand but if you think about it, you’ll see what I mean. You can prolong the concept of age appropriate by manifesting younger looks but there is no shame in looking thirty when you’re forty five instead of absolutely having to look twenty because you think it’s what society respects. This is also why many stick to simplicity or different forms of a “classic” style – trends leave but the universally loved style works for and is adored by all ages. Classic is timeless and ageless. Some things work despite things like age and time, and this is shared by style lovers of any age.

We decide who we are and how attractive we are, and not society – they can only go by what we set for ourselves. Decide you are attractive and looking much younger, and you will attract others seeing you the same way. When it comes to you, your awareness and your life, you lead while others follow.

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Me in April, already 33.

I mean, does ageing really have to change you?

Have You Earned a Great Relationship?

This post first appeared on my (first) blog, https://improvingconfidence.wordpress.com/

I continuously encounter individuals who believe a great relationship is something they are entitled to.

A great relationship is something everyone deserves, just like any other blessing in life. Everyone deserves to experience happiness but those that receive it have in fact earned it with their positive mindsets, respect for others and gratitude for their lives.

Everyone deserves it but a positive individual earns it, allowing a happy relationship to come into their reality.

On the other hand, those projecting negative energy (be it frustration, desperation, negative self-image, impatience, rudeness or general dissatisfaction) are continuously preventing what they deserve, a great relationship in this case, to appear in their lives.

You get what you give; genuine appreciation for life, your own and those of others, ensures you will receive an abundance of goodness in return. You merely need to find that appreciation.

The idea of an amazing relationship being earned holds truth but requires explanation; stating this idea as simply as it looks in writing may evoke negative reactions instead of positive. One becomes worthy of a great relationship by viewing oneself in a positive light, focusing on everything they enjoy in life, respecting one’s unique qualities as well as the qualities of others and having personal integrity that ensures standing by one’s personal beliefs.

Many believe they must earn a great relationship by fulfilling requirements such as career success, a larger-than-life personality, financial wealth or being classically good looking. However, basic creation principles state that one’s beliefs create one’s awareness; for example, individuals who deeply believe they cannot earn a great relationship until they have a great job will encounter specific experiences reflecting those beliefs.

Truth is, the relationship you desire has nothing to do with your social status unless you decide to believe it. Those who stick to beliefs such as “Once I get a good job, I will have inner peace and be ready for a relationship” will most likely find that the job, the relationship and the inner peace continue to elude them. Postponing those experiences by masking them as future goals will ensure they remain distant goals, making it impossible to catch up to that “perfect future.”

Now, I am not saying your desires are irrelevant but for as long as you think “I’ll be confident once I have this,” you are creating a future goal that will always remain in the future. In reality, you must feel deserving of your goals now and be confident in yourself before you can obtain them.

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Contrary to popular belief, relationships have nothing to do with your social status, level of wealth, professional success or your looks. When it comes to relationships, you merely need to be confident in the person you are. You need to draw your confidence from internal factors instead of external. You need to recognize your personal qualities, the beauty of your physical traits, your intelligence and gratitude for everything you have in life.

One of the best ways to earn a great relationship rests in developing self-confidence, self-comfort and self-acceptance.

Amplifying those character traits with a positive mindset will allow you to focus on everything you love in life instead of everything you are currently missing. If you focus on your positive traits, you will effortlessly focus on your (potential) partner’s positive traits, enjoying your relationship immensely and solving problems in it easily. Suddenly, you will come to realize relationships were intended to be easy and enjoyable instead of being a constant ego battle between opposing sides. If you have an eye on a potential partner, you will be encouraged to communicate with them as you have recognized your own qualities while appreciating them for theirs. You will realize how much there is to be liked about you!

If you believe your looks are insufficient to evoke attraction in another, you will project an unhappy demeanor, tension and insecurity. The best part is, you can decide to focus on the aspects of your appearance you like instead. You can appreciate your beauty instead of focusing on the reasons it is less than perfect. This positive energy will evoke even more of the same, allowing you to feel increasingly great about yourself.

Ultimately, is there a real reason you should feel negatively about your appearance? Everyone holds a different idea of what beauty means. More importantly, we all respond to each other’s energy much stronger than any physical attributes – every time you were attracted someone who wasn’t your “type” proves that.

Do you compare yourself to others? This is another mistake which can prevent you from receiving life’s goods. Do you believe you must match an ideal another specific person represents to you while considering anything “less” to be insufficient? This mindset only states your lack of appreciation for yourself, as you feel undeserving of love. Even if you think your (potential) partner only wants the ideal you have imagined him/her wanting, it doesn’t mean you’re right.

We all know the story – one perceives their desired partner to be “too good for me.” “He/She is out of my league,” they imagine, never making a move or deeming themselves worthy. This thought process is perpetuated until the object of their affection meets someone else.

There are plenty of similar examples. However, it all comes down to the following.

Searching for the reasons to postpone living a happy relationship only shows that you doubt your own value. If recognizing the said value undoubtedly ensures finding a great relationship, what is the point of feeling inadequate?

Love Your Manifestation!

When you love the manifestation period preceding your desire, you receive it fast; you’re probably aware of this already.

Let me explain.

Every single time you manifested something without the need to rush it, it came to you fast. Sometimes, this desire appeared in your life instantly.

This can happen with desires one perceives as “small” or “likely to have.” However, those perceived as “life changing” cause resistance, fear, uncertainty and doubt many use to give up on them. If unfamiliar with creation principles, unaware of LoA or not used to consciously creating, one might automatically shut down the flow of positive energy upon the appearance of those thoughts. One might feel all sorts of doubt and anxiety lowering their vibration.

When attaching profoundly positive feelings to your desire, no matter how big or small you’ve perceived it to be, that desire becomes a natural course of events in your mind. You know it’s coming. You know it’s yours already.

MANIFESTATIONS NOW AND THEN

I used to create intricate manifestation stories in certain areas of my life instead of allowing them to come to life easily because I perceived that easy path as boring. When manifesting my past relationships, I wanted to make all the first moves and then, enjoy what I created. Many wish they didn’t have to make an effort with relationships and I thrived on “making it happen.” I would create work where there wasn’t any because a great story of a relationship coming to life had to be present.

In addition, I thrived on showing others they could make anything happen and being assertive about everything I desired was the way to go. I was comfortable with taking action and over time, I realized the following.

Projecting the right energy was an action in itself. In truth, one doesn’t have to do anything in order to receive their desire – some do nothing and receive and others do everything without seeing change.

Manifesting money has always gone interestingly in my life. I continuously receive double the expected for any amount when shopping, as the items I desire seem to be on sale most of the time. I have often received gifts and beauty treatments. I have unexpectedly found money in the past. I went on all-expenses-paid trips. When envisioning my last professional fee, I received double the amount.

I also enjoy giving, donating and treating my loved ones greatly. I love to pay for dinner, concert tickets, groceries, drinks, gas (when someone else is driving) or cab rides, donating money to charities and give gifts. I donate clothes on a regular basis, all in fantastic condition. Others also enjoy treating me to dinner, drinks or entertainment. Positive feelings are attached to money in my world.

There was a time in my life when I was unsure if budgeting could bring me positive results but wanted to try it anyway. It was one of the least fruitful decisions I’d ever made. Budgeting created momentary money limitations in my mind, which would lead to generally having less, not more. I needed to change those beliefs once again but learned several valuable lessons along the way.

When manifesting work engagements, I quickly discovered my likes and dislikes. Before deciding on what I truly wanted to do, I tried out a variety of jobs. I was interested in life and wanted as many different experiences as I was willing to dedicate my time to. Twice in my life, I gave sending out my CV to apply for jobs a try and hated it with passion each time (even when it would lead to employment).

My preferred method rested in the expectation that others would seek me out for professional engagements and, they did. I would decide what I wanted to do, as detailed as I could, and know it was mine.

I believe it was so due to a simple creation principle – that which perpetuates the lack of our desire makes us miserable and creates more of the same.

To me, sending out my CV only made me feel like I was searching for a job instead of having it. I felt this practice lowering my personal standards. I am much happier asking for my perfect gig and letting it go, inevitably leading to manifestation. This hasn’t changed but my relationship manifestations have.

Your intention is what matters. To some, CV sending perpetuates the feeling of looking for a job. To others, it is a highly positive practice that will lead to their ideal job. You may either alter your perception or your practice in order to change your awareness.

An additional factor involved in this idea was my knowing I would return to writing as soon as I was ready.

Over time, I discovered the appeal of relationships, observed my old mistakes without emotion and reassessed my true desires.

There was a time I held mostly negative views of relationships but learned it was so because I wasn’t entirely basing them on pure love. However, I would also always preset their expiration date (instead of allowing them to take their natural course, whatever that might have been). Holding negative views on relationships was fueled by my belief that I was meeting and dating men who could simply never be enough for me. I started to wonder about what I was missing and therefore wanted.

Relationships can be pure bliss, with energy clear, loving feelings prevailing and problems easily solved. When problems appear, many see them as the end of the world, lowering their vibration and causing more problems. When good times come, one may either be grateful for their abundance and lasting bliss or expect them to fade any minute because “good things don’t last.” Either way, their awareness will determine the continuation or the halt of bliss in their lives.

When manifesting relationships today, I ask for my desire and automatically know it’s mine. I visualize everything I want the relationship to be. I visualize everything I want us to be and live. I live it before we do together – I feel what it’s like to have it. There is usually one visualization I repeat more than others – spontaneously created, emotion-filled, a favorite. This particular visualization reflects everything I want to be, the adoration I feel for my man and the relationship I want to live. Sometimes, I only have to do it once before the relationship appears.

The reason for manifesting a specific relationship should rest in nothing but love for the person you want to be with. Some relationships, I manifested because I saw the man I had my eye on as an amazing person who would be an exceptional boyfriend. Others, I manifested when simply wanting the experience of being with a specific man.

I am tempted to add the following passage to every single post I ever write from now on.

KNOWING that your desire is yours brings inner peace and removes the need for signs. Knowing your desire is yours already boosts the feeling of love for your manifestation period. If you discover that having your desire doesn’t make you feel good, this is an entirely separate issue from the feeling of not having it in your life; you must feel good about having your desire in your life. 

If you don’t KNOW it’s YOURS, no amount of signs is going to help.

How can you know?

Because your desire belongs to you the moment you ask for it. The Universe creates the very moment we ask. Then, allowing your desire to come into your reality is the only thing left.

Does having every desire in your life make you feel good? It didn’t always make me feel good, especially with relationships. Seeing myself with several specific men was only tempting in theory while in reality, I had to admit to myself that I didn’t truly want them. Wanting to care about someone didn’t mean I automatically would.

As one of my close friends once said, “I know you tried to want that relationship but if you don’t, you don’t.” Obviously, the “trying” to want it only leads to more trying and unless I was willing to alter my beliefs, the time had come to move on.

When manifesting anything, one would go wrong seeing it as following the steps and manifesting their desire. Are you aware of having your desire or currently manifesting it? From moment one, be aware that your desire is yours already and follow the steps without overthinking them. Observe your thoughts emotionlessly. Don’t think about the steps as you’re making them and how correct they are while looking out for your desire to appear at the same time. That is not having; it is manifesting which will lead to more manifesting.

From the moment of asking for your desire, assume that it is yours without waiting for it to appear. Complete manifestation steps as you feel that your desire is yours already while also feeling gratitude for having it in your life. This knowing will make your manifestation period a happy one, not to mention the necessity of knowing that your desire is yours before being able to receive it.

Getting what I give has never been a problem. Would you like to do the same?

Make doing what makes you happy your priority. Those who do receive everything they want from the Universe, as if they never had to seek it out. When doing what makes you happy becomes your only action taken in life, you need for nothing and see everything you want practically handed to you.