How to Love Unconditionally When Your Specific Person is Difficult

Unconditional love and acceptance, masked as not caring about what a person does or simply loving them for everything they are, allow us to manifest relationships rapidly. However, when forgiveness for the past or the present is involved, hurt feelings can get in the way of appreciating someone unconditionally.

It’s easy for us to accept the people we don’t care about or don’t perceive as important to our lives. On the other hand, those important to us are those we expect certain behaviors from and if our preferred behaviors are not immediately present, we can develop resentment or fear that our relationship is simply “not working out.”

The trick is to accept the person for who they are because then, we are able to imagine them treating us exactly the way we want to be treated. But if we don’t accept them to start, we won’t be able to imagine them being even better because we will continue to focus on their flaws and nothing else.

An dip into negative feelings can happen when we project our needs to the other person and expect them to fulfil those needs – in this case, we must ask ourselves if we are projecting onto them the needs we can only fulfil ourselves.

We don’t feel good when we are needy and this neediness often translates into wanting to receive more communication from the person. However, the way to achieve that is to imagine receiving this communication in the way that makes you feel good! You simply must give into good, positive feelings to make the Law of Attraction work – you want to imagine happily living your life with this person and being treated the way you want to be.

If you simply focus on them not doing what you want and not fulfilling your needs, you will lower your vibration and think permanently negatively of them as a result…and that will hurt your manifestation. Thinking poorly of someone translates into you seeing them not fulfilling your needs and not doing what you want, and your impression of the relationship growing in negativity.

Now is the time to ask yourself if you are asking your specific person to fulfil both sides of the equation – their own needs and your own? Because this doesn’t work. You have to do your part if you expect them to do theirs. Everything we give back, we receive in return.

When you love and accept a specific person unconditionally, they give the same to you.

On the other hand, when you are upset with a person’s behavior, they fail to give you the love and attention you desire and a relationship doesn’t manifest.

We must assume and visualize everything we wish to receive from a specific person while calling our negative thoughts false and paranoid. We simply must tell ourselves to think positive because only then can we assume the best of ourselves and everyone else.

We must only imagine the scenarios that make us the happiest.

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Why Being Complete Within Ourselves Translates to Relationship Happiness

Every relationship conflict starts with an internal conflict of not knowing what one wants, doubting one’s self-worth or the fear of being alone.

No one has ever entered a relationship feeling amazing about themselves and ending up in a miserable situation out of nowhere – this just doesn’t happen. One brings one’s own issues into a relationship which can only be an expression of one’s inner world, not an uncontrollable external force that has suddenly shattered one’s confidence. We can only work with what we bring in, whether or not this specific awareness changes throughout the course of a relationship. Even if one changes during a relationship, it was one’s choice to change.

My coaching clients who are reading this blog could tell you that every relationship problem goes back to self-perception and that is why we work on their self-love and personal confidence while creating a positive perception of relationship simultaneously. Looking back on your relationship history, it would soon become apparent to you that you held onto the same inner feelings every time (or at least most of the time). Our relationships can’t change until we start to feel better about ourselves, with or without them.

One must become aware of the fact that no relationship can fix their insecurities, mood or awareness.

What we bring into a relationship, we express.

What Happens When You Start to Feel Good?

A significant outcome of one’s self-perception improving and self confidence growing together with one’s happiness is that moments of anger and annoyance pass rapidly, proving their insignificance and futility.

Those moments are a waste of time and suddenly, you are aware of it.

You come to understand that feeling good about yourself (and others) is the only thing that is worth your time.

Last week, I felt uncomfortable in someone’s company. This sensation only lasted a few minutes but after the impression wore off, I realized it wasn’t a big deal. There is no other way to put it – it wasn’t a big deal. When that happens, one comes to realize that it takes no effort to simply see the good in people; even if you do so for the most part, you can still encounter moments in which you feel uncomfortable in someone’s presence for whatever reason. However, as your self confidence grows in life, you come to see that a lack of comfort related to any person or issue appears very rarely.

Self confidence, comfort and awareness grow as you practice happiness and focus on the positive things about yourself. Then, you focus on the positive in others.

 You will start to see the evidence of this as soon as you begin to feel better about yourself. You will feel comfortable in almost any situation because you feel comfortable with yourself. 

Then, you will start to feel comfortable with everything you aim to manifest. And even though you will not engage in negative thoughts about others for longer time periods, you will naturally move yourself away from the individuals that don’t contribute to your happiness. 

 

IGNORING THE CURRENT REALITY

Some find it difficult to focus on their desires while their current reality continues to hurt them.

The way to ignore your current reality is to make the perception of your desired reality simply magical.

When you imagine living your desired reality, allow yourself to be happy. Just give in – it’s enough.

Have You Earned a Great Relationship?

This post first appeared on my (first) blog, https://improvingconfidence.wordpress.com/

I continuously encounter individuals who believe a great relationship is something they are entitled to.

A great relationship is something everyone deserves, just like any other blessing in life. Everyone deserves to experience happiness but those that receive it have in fact earned it with their positive mindsets, respect for others and gratitude for their lives.

Everyone deserves it but a positive individual earns it, allowing a happy relationship to come into their reality.

On the other hand, those projecting negative energy (be it frustration, desperation, negative self-image, impatience, rudeness or general dissatisfaction) are continuously preventing what they deserve, a great relationship in this case, to appear in their lives.

You get what you give; genuine appreciation for life, your own and those of others, ensures you will receive an abundance of goodness in return. You merely need to find that appreciation.

The idea of an amazing relationship being earned holds truth but requires explanation; stating this idea as simply as it looks in writing may evoke negative reactions instead of positive. One becomes worthy of a great relationship by viewing oneself in a positive light, focusing on everything they enjoy in life, respecting one’s unique qualities as well as the qualities of others and having personal integrity that ensures standing by one’s personal beliefs.

Many believe they must earn a great relationship by fulfilling requirements such as career success, a larger-than-life personality, financial wealth or being classically good looking. However, basic creation principles state that one’s beliefs create one’s awareness; for example, individuals who deeply believe they cannot earn a great relationship until they have a great job will encounter specific experiences reflecting those beliefs.

Truth is, the relationship you desire has nothing to do with your social status unless you decide to believe it. Those who stick to beliefs such as “Once I get a good job, I will have inner peace and be ready for a relationship” will most likely find that the job, the relationship and the inner peace continue to elude them. Postponing those experiences by masking them as future goals will ensure they remain distant goals, making it impossible to catch up to that “perfect future.”

Now, I am not saying your desires are irrelevant but for as long as you think “I’ll be confident once I have this,” you are creating a future goal that will always remain in the future. In reality, you must feel deserving of your goals now and be confident in yourself before you can obtain them.

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Contrary to popular belief, relationships have nothing to do with your social status, level of wealth, professional success or your looks. When it comes to relationships, you merely need to be confident in the person you are. You need to draw your confidence from internal factors instead of external. You need to recognize your personal qualities, the beauty of your physical traits, your intelligence and gratitude for everything you have in life.

One of the best ways to earn a great relationship rests in developing self-confidence, self-comfort and self-acceptance.

Amplifying those character traits with a positive mindset will allow you to focus on everything you love in life instead of everything you are currently missing. If you focus on your positive traits, you will effortlessly focus on your (potential) partner’s positive traits, enjoying your relationship immensely and solving problems in it easily. Suddenly, you will come to realize relationships were intended to be easy and enjoyable instead of being a constant ego battle between opposing sides. If you have an eye on a potential partner, you will be encouraged to communicate with them as you have recognized your own qualities while appreciating them for theirs. You will realize how much there is to be liked about you!

If you believe your looks are insufficient to evoke attraction in another, you will project an unhappy demeanor, tension and insecurity. The best part is, you can decide to focus on the aspects of your appearance you like instead. You can appreciate your beauty instead of focusing on the reasons it is less than perfect. This positive energy will evoke even more of the same, allowing you to feel increasingly great about yourself.

Ultimately, is there a real reason you should feel negatively about your appearance? Everyone holds a different idea of what beauty means. More importantly, we all respond to each other’s energy much stronger than any physical attributes – every time you were attracted someone who wasn’t your “type” proves that.

Do you compare yourself to others? This is another mistake which can prevent you from receiving life’s goods. Do you believe you must match an ideal another specific person represents to you while considering anything “less” to be insufficient? This mindset only states your lack of appreciation for yourself, as you feel undeserving of love. Even if you think your (potential) partner only wants the ideal you have imagined him/her wanting, it doesn’t mean you’re right.

We all know the story – one perceives their desired partner to be “too good for me.” “He/She is out of my league,” they imagine, never making a move or deeming themselves worthy. This thought process is perpetuated until the object of their affection meets someone else.

There are plenty of similar examples. However, it all comes down to the following.

Searching for the reasons to postpone living a happy relationship only shows that you doubt your own value. If recognizing the said value undoubtedly ensures finding a great relationship, what is the point of feeling inadequate?

Why You Have to Ignore External Opinions

I feel that this particular topic makes its way through many of my posts; however, I never fail to understand its colossal importance.

There will be those around you who will ignore your preferences but you must understand it is a reflection of their own lives, practices, points of view and beliefs. At the same time, you have to wonder if anything in your behavior shows that you are also rejecting them or simply, if you are living a reality of wanting this person to accepts you which shows you already feel rejected by them.

Do you ever feel like this? Either of those two?

Such situation(s) can happen with absolutely anyone you consider close to you – your mother, father, boyfriend, girlfriend, friend, another family member… However, it doesn’t matter. None of it does.

You are the only one who has to approve of you. Even if everyone else did and you didn’t, you wouldn’t feel better. At the same time, as soon as you start to fully accept yourself, you will be able to accept everyone else just the way they are…and, whether or not they return the favor.

Today, someone who has known me my entire life served me food I’ve hated my entire life. They knew that but did it anyway because this food fits their idea of what I should eat.

That was how I saw it, anyway.

Later on, they apologized, saying they never would have served it had they thought I might dislike it.

I suddenly saw the situation differently.

A story like this is applicable to any situation. The very meta of conflict and rejection leads back to some version of rendering one’s needs unfulfilled. Any conflict or rejection can happen for that simple reason.

I had two choices – I could have felt rejected and gotten upset or I could have eaten something else, without putting a single thought into being served food I disliked.

Had I gotten upset, I would have had to remember the following.

  • Not all who upset me had intended on doing so. Sometimes, one has good intentions but their mixed feelings about taking the action in question (i.e. being tired of preparing this food while unsure that I would like it) will lead to receiving mixed feelings in return.
  • I attracted this event in my life, just like any other. The event in question describes at least a part of my everyday relationship with this person – in some ways, we get along perfectly while clashing in others. I probably continuously expect this person to reject my preferences, causing situations like this one.

Had I chosen to not be affected by the situation, I would remember that…

  • The person in question probably meant well. They probably didn’t mean to offend me and had I observed them with love instead of assuming they were being suffocating, I would have seen that. Approaching something or someone out of love ensures one receives love in return. Approaching something or someone out of any negative source of emotion ensures unhappy communication.
  • I could simply eat something else. Nothing was lost and no one would starve. No one even has to end up offended in a situation like this. Creation dictates you get what you give therefore giving energy to the positive, i.e. knowing there are other types of food out there, would have ensured smooth sailing.
  • Even if they thought I should eat it, only my desires about what I want to eat matter. We all get to choose for ourselves. You can say, “Thank you but I don’t like it. I will have something else instead.” Same can be done when anyone disagrees with anything in your life. You decide. If you should choose to compromise your preferences just to make someone else feel good while allowing yourself to feel bad about it, you have made a choice that will draw even more discomfort to you. However, if you genuinely decide you want to eat the food and feel good about it because it makes someone else happy, go for it. Just make the choice that makes you happy!

I know some of you will wonder and here it is – the food in question was kale. Even as a vegetarian, I strongly dislike it.

A Personal Approach in Getting an Ex Back

This morning, I was asked what I would do in case of wanting to reconcile with an ex boyfriend. The person who asked the question specifically asked me what I would do if it were my life. I felt very flattered that they valued my potential to inspire them and I was challenged in a positive way, as reconciling with exes was a business I never really wanted to be in.

To be perfectly honest, I only wished to reconcile with an ex once in my life (only because I wasn’t interested in anyone else at the time, until meeting someone new a month later). This story had become my template for breakups, whether they were made official by myself or by the other side. I just believe that every end always means there’s someone better out there and I found them every time because I was open to meeting them. I truly believed that every breakup happened to me for a reason but in reality, this was just a mask for the notion that I never cared about anyone that much. Most of my exes were momentary fascinations I had consciously manifested short-term relationships with.

I decided to look at it from the end result – a basic LoA technique, looking at the world from the point of desire already manifested. I got an ex back – what does that make me? What do I look like? How happy am I? How do I feel? How has accomplishing this made me feel?

What I could automatically see was looking and feeling like a movie star. If getting an ex back is such a difficult task to accomplish, according to many, then why not feel better than ever and make it happen easily? Seeing myself as someone who had just done this, I felt invincible. I felt like a goddess. I felt so good in this imagined scenario that I immediately visualized mutual friends inquiring about the news, everyone asking how it happened and being so surprised, as if the world had transformed around all of them.

Soon, I dove into a spontaneous visualization of the flow of events. I listened to my heart and mind, believing that all the steps taken towards accomplishing this goal had truly come from the essential parts of my personality.

So, what specific steps did I take?

1. Meditation.

I believe in meditation, I love it and no matter how much I practice it, I always want more. In this scenario, I could see meditation helping me make peace with the mistakes coming from both parties that ultimately lead to a breakup (and keep in mind, it is never only one side’s fault). I already believe that continuous feelings of anger towards an ex pose a question of whether or not one really wants them back. How is it possible to love someone who does nothing but cause annoyance? Then, I remembered. When people seem to push our buttons, this is still a question of our peace, our happiness and our stability while they were just the utility that brought those aspects to our attention. If someone pushes my buttons, it means they have touched an unsettled aspect of my mind, heart and soul, leaving it up to myself to fix if I want to improve myself and my life. A scattered mind, which can happen after a breakup, cannot be of benefit in getting an ex back. In this case, meditation is a personally recommended way to focus on the love for two phenomena – oneself and the Universe.

Developing the feelings of trust in our abilities, trust in the Universe, trust in our powers and trust in our thoughts allows us to feel love for the infinite possibilities we can create in our lives.

2. Never surrender to loss.

Feelings of loss create more of the same, just like any feelings. We are all connected to each other, especially those we choose to gift our thoughts and feelings to.

However, I understand that the words your ex has uttered to you may have been hurtful and therefore, caused you to feel that you may have lost them.

You may be offended at your ex thinking or once saying that the breakup was your fault. Don’t be because simply by knowing that it is never only one person’s fault, you are already ahead of most people when it comes to understanding relationships. Their insecurities prevent them from admitting they have done something wrong but that’s their problem to deal with. By focusing on their thoughts, you are deflecting your focus from examining yourself while most likely fearing what you might find. Change this pattern of behavior today – we change our lives and the lives of others with love, not mind control.

All the while, you are forgetting that what we give is what we get. When your ex told you that it was your fault, they have projected the energy onto themselves of things gone wrong being their fault. This doesn’t necessarily refer to relationships alone; it usually means your ex already blames himself (or herself) for many things gone wrong in their lives. Everything is connected and issues translate from one aspect to another.

3. Locate your personal values. 

What are your main values in life?

To those who have adopted novelty as being one, wait for your ex to start feeling new to you. In this case, the period of communication cut off after a breakup will be both a blessing to you as well as your most reliable tool. After taking some time in absence from your ex’s life, they will feel new to you while at the same time, your absence will make you missed in their lives.

Novelty can also be translated to yourself. Do you wish to be a new and improved version of yourself the second time around? Are you doing it only because you feel your ex will like it or do you truly want to improve for you? If it’s for you, as it should be, become that person now. Since this new person is the one both you and your chosen person love, you can see how looking back from the end result will ensure that the new you receives the love you want.

If having security is something you seek and value, embrace your love for it and create security within yourself. Make your home your haven. Place all the security you want to feel in it – your home is a sacred place with nothing but happiness in it. Turn your home into your perfect world of love in which there is only happiness and the reminder of how much you love the world. You have been blessed with such a wonderful home and you feel immense gratitude for it every single day.

I cannot stress the value of the perfect home too much, especially to those who see it as an extension of themselves. Everyone wants the perfect home and a mission to create one will lift your energy more than you can imagine. To those valuing security, a home you need only yourself in is going to take you straight to heaven. Over the years, I advised even the most couple-oriented people to start enjoying their own company in their home and sooner than I thought, they started to cherish it so much that even I was baffled. This comes naturally to all of us. You could be next.

When locating our personal values, we are able to express them on our own, without anyone’s help. Then, not only do we feel complete but others are lining up hoping to be the ones to complete us.

4. Be aware that everyone is equally valuable. 

You may be idealizing your ex right now, thinking he or she is better than anyone else in the world. However, nobody is. The only measure we have to go by is being drawn to and by love. We are drawn to those who emit love and happiness and we draw specific individuals to ourselves by feeling love for them. This is why it’s difficult to attract an ex one still holds a grudge toward.

The men I drew into my life rapidly were those I thought to be amazing. Not better but amazing! I was attracted to their minds, hearts, points of view, sense of humor and charisma. I was drawn to the “it” factors they possessed which made them different from others. The factor of amazing was caused by the love I felt for the individuals they chose to be instead of things such as personal validation factor, their social status or their level of financial wealth.

But what makes a person amazing?

That is different from one case to another.

What drew you to your ex in the beginning? Was it their kindness? Was it the attention they were giving you? Was it their ability to speak their mind, their confidence or how much they cared about you?

Was it the surprises they were throwing you?

Was it excitement?

Surrendering to those feelings will automatically make you remember what kind of person you were when you started your relationship. If you wish to create this exact reality again, you have it easy! You already have everything you need to focus on, fill with love and see everything unfold.

However, if you only wish to use these feelings and memories as a starting point, you may. Just remember that being allowed into one’s heart and soul will show you they are a complex person who wants love, just like everyone else. Everything you are feeling, they feel, too. We have all been hurt at one time or another therefore your ex isn’t superhuman by any means. Relax about them as much as you are relaxed about everyone else. You can attract them back just as easily.

5. Feel love for the millions of options you are offered in life, whether or not you wish to take them. 

Here’s a little abundance mindset exercise I created.

Take three of your exes or those that meant a lot to you. With each, remember the time you felt the happiest. With one at a time, remember this feeling and you will notice that you have relaxed automatically. Reliving these experiences brings you great happiness.

Now, imagine all three of these situations happening on the same day! You probably can’t without feeling a little suffocation for all these people coming at you all at once. You wouldn’t have time to deal with all of them; you would, however, think they were lovely and caring which would only prompt an even greater snowball of love and attention from them. This shows you how much we actually receive when someone gives us their feelings and just by changing your mindset and sending feelings of love towards the ex you want to see return, you will change the energy between you and open the path for the two of you to come together once again.

We communicate with each other through our feelings, whether or not we utter actual words to each other or see each other face to face. Communicate to the Universe that you are grateful. Once you realize there are many things in the world that could make you happy right now, you will release the attachment from what you now see as the ultimate and only happiness.

6. “I always receive even more than I asked for. Thank you.”

When I realized that feeling massive amounts of love for something or someone combined with relaxation, detachment and trust brings even greater results than I ever imagined, I turned this into my own personal mantra. Just thinking of it makes me smile and whether or not it was consciously manifested, this happened to me more times than I can count. I would definitely use this in getting an ex back, as I would remember that sending such a significant amount of love towards anyone and anything ensures magic happening all around.

Right now, you may want an ex back and in love with you. But what if he also asked you to marry him? What if she told you she loved you and wanted to live with you?

You may want your ex to be completely devoted to you, in love like never before. Anything can happen when you trust – what you wanted plus some amazing surprises.

7. Beware of the reality created. 

Every aspect of our reality is something we have created ourselves. When it comes to manifesting exes back, fears may come up. The only thing you must remember is that any kind of fear equals creation.

If you fear that your ex can’t love you back, you are creating that reality. If you fear other suitors coming their way, that’s also something you might be creating. You have to trust the Universe and know that your dream goal is yours already. If I should manifest an ex back, I would only accept the option of us being madly in love and only wanting to be with each other. I would think of us as soul mates, caught up in this amazing love we never want to let go of.

When one’s heart opens, they don’t even think about how things will manifest. All they see is how happy living their dream makes them. And since feelings of love create so much faster and more powerfully than any other, this dream comes to life.

I truly hope that those of you who wish to manifest getting back together with an ex will find inspiration here.