You have to believe it’s all working out, even when you don’t know how.
We have to be the ones to validate ourselves – there’s no other way around it.
Let’s be honest – we do not truly enjoy too many challenges life throws at us. At one time or another, we all felt that the permanent state of bliss was out of our reach. Just when we thought we might have reached an optimism nirvana, a challenge may have come along to derail our level of enthusiasm and force us to acknowledge we have not truly achieved inner bliss.
After the fact, we may be grateful for the challenges that helped us learn and turned us into better people but for the duration, we sometimes allow ourselves to be destroyed by them.
Having faith in your dreams coming true is often difficult when you have been exhausted by life’s excruciating circumstances. All of these circumstances are or have been challenges in their own right. Challenges exist to help us grow – this is my firm belief. Embracing this notion and accepting them when they appear will make getting through them a lot easier. There is no challenge that appears for no reason and there is none we do not learn at least one new thing from. Having said that, we truly need to accept them when they appear; if we resist them, they will remain. Changing our outlook on life’s challenges will stop us from trying to prevent them and will make them wash away.
After all, doesn’t everything we give no feeling to simply fade away?
Let’s go over the benefits challenges can bring if approached in the right way.
Your connection with your inner self becomes your only guide.
Look back on your life and you will find one or several regrets you harbour to this very day.
How many times did you make a specific choice in your life simply because you were expected to? It was not what you truly wanted but you succumbed to external pressure. We all did it at least once now, it is time to stop. If you already have regrets at this point in your life, what makes you think you will not have them in the future? You will unless you change and the time to make that change is now.
The pressures of the world can be painful to deal with but only our own thoughts are responsible for our lives. When faced with pressure coming from anyone (or yourself), focus on what your heart is saying to you. Focus on what you want and what makes you happy. You only live your life for yourself and those that try to tell you what to do are free to go ahead and live their own lives. Even when it comes from a good place, a piece of advice your heart is advising you against has to be ignored. Otherwise, you are not following your bliss and you will only have yourself to blame for the results of that.
When you are able to power through a challenge relying on your own beliefs, your self confidence will increase even more than you might realize. You will be happier and others will surely follow your example.
You are no longer easily shocked and the magnitude of any challenge is eventually minimized.
When accepted calmly, challenges are minimized in many ways. When you see them as opportunities, their effect begins to change. Challenges lose a lot of their power to rattle your thoughts and life while you only have yourself to thank for it. Imagine owning your inner power in the way that you never feel insecure about making a decision again. Imagine having the trust in your choices to be the only ones that could ever make you happy and feeling secure enough to make them.
Personally, I was never fond of the search process in life. Job search, searching for a Master’s thesis topic or searching for perfect clothes were all filled with ups and downs which nearly made me want to give up.
I reached my goal every single time. That was the only thing I knew I would do. The search process was my challenge. The waiting part and the sometimes necessary patience caused fewer problems for me than the search process, which with job hunting in particular was painful for me. Everything changed when one day, I decided to lighten (it) up because I knew there had to be an easier way to reach my goals since I knew with such conviction I would reach them every time. I decided I was going to appreciate the search process and learn everything there was to learn from it. Suddenly, I was able to draw into it anything I wanted with pure feelings, love and belief. This took a little practice but it was worth it.
Life may be giving us challenges in order to give us even more choices. This might sound odd but think about it – every time you were given a challenge you did not know what to do with at first, there were always several choices attached to it. Every challenge ultimately serves a single purpose – to allow you to confirm what it is you truly want. Challenges help us learn about ourselves and they appear to help us grow. Some have discovered what they wanted as a direct result of the challenge thrown their way and if this has happened to you, say ‘thank you.’
Say ‘thank you’ for any challenge you have ever been given, as it helped shape you into the amazing individual you are today.
A (life coaching) client on mine recently struggled with asking for what they wanted out of their relationship which led them to panic. Struggling to communicate their needs on a daily basis, this beautiful, heart-driven individual felt confused about their own readiness to show their true self to their partner.
They knew what they wanted to achieve but were unsure of their ability to communicate it now. The answer turned out to be simple – before they communicated, this person needed to overcome their own fear of rejection that stemmed from the feeling of constant struggle in life, none of which had come from their partner but instead, their own awareness and life history.
Many think they will start a relationship with a person who is going to heal them. This is a wonderful idea but it is not exactly how energy works. If you fail to set boundaries in your relationship, how is your partner supposed to know what’s acceptable and what’s not? If you agree to something you don’t want, how are they supposed to know that you actually didn’t mean it?
Relationship struggles deepen when we refuse to acknowledge that they originate within, not without. Depending on one’s partner for fixing what’s broken is difficult, especially when one doesn’t participate in it themselves but wishes to delegate the task; it is also important to acknowledge that not everyone wants to pass on the duty but wishes for the other person to solve the problem simply because they themselves don’t know how to. In those cases, one must remember that by practising self-love and nurturing self-worth, they will figure out the way to solve their communication issues – eventually, they will start to believe their words and needs matter!
But what about those who refuse to practice self-love?
They will most likely continue to make their lives and relationships difficult when in reality, they deserve better.
It is very tempting to make ourselves believe that another person “made me feel like I’m not good enough” or “betrayed me.” If you feel that someone has betrayed you, is it possible you are actually betraying your own sense of value on a daily basis?
My client wasn’t doing this – they wanted to speak up but didn’t know how. However, this is a question we could all benefit from asking ourselves – do we sometimes blame others without considering whether or not we had ever communicated our needs clearly to them?
Do we expect others to read our minds when we haven’t asked for what we need?
Are we expecting others to give to us more than we give to them or ourselves?
Do we give what we wish to receive?
Another person, your partner included, can merely mirror what you feel about yourself on a daily basis. They cannot put thoughts in your mind that you don’t accept yourself.
Another person can only heal you as much as you are willing to heal yourself. Relationship are about teamwork but the most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself. You can make another person just as important but only when you’re ready to live with yourself instead of wanting to run away from who you are – if you want to run, another person can’t rescue you before you rescue yourself.
I suggest you celebrate yourself and your life.
You have to play the lead role in your own reality instead of putting the person you want to manifest a relationship with first. You can prioritize them but imagine the relationship and your love as you want it and as it makes you happy!
I mean, being able to love someone the way you want to and have them love you back…don’t you love the thought of that?
Don’t you want that?
Cliché it is due to its truthfulness – keeping busy makes you lighten up and stop feeling like you should be thinking about your desire all the time (especially when you notice it hasn’t manifested yet).
When I feel like thinking too much, I start writing, cleaning up or go outside and walk around the block. I think about my new photography goals and challenges. I start looking for a new series to watch (or go back to rewatching OITNB). I catch up on my incomplete errands, in a decisively motivated and not-at-all-lazy way.
This is what puts me in a different mindset simply by letting me engage fully in a concrete activity that requires the presence of both my body and mind which is the exact reason why it works.
There are a million things to do – all we have to do is choose among them.