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Relationships – Are You Afraid of Asking for What You Want?

A (life coaching) client on mine recently struggled with asking for what they wanted out of their relationship which led them to panic. Struggling to communicate their needs on a daily basis, this beautiful, heart-driven individual felt confused about their own readiness to show their true self to their partner.

They knew what they wanted to achieve but were unsure of their ability to communicate it now. The answer turned out to be simple – before they communicated, this person needed to overcome their own fear of rejection that stemmed from the feeling of constant struggle in life, none of which had come from their partner but instead, their own awareness and life history.

Many think they will start a relationship with a person who is going to heal them. This is a wonderful idea but it is not exactly how energy works. If you fail to set boundaries in your relationship, how is your partner supposed to know what’s acceptable and what’s not? If you agree to something you don’t want, how are they supposed to know that you actually didn’t mean it?

Relationship struggles deepen when we refuse to acknowledge that they originate within, not without. Depending on one’s partner for fixing what’s broken is difficult, especially when one doesn’t participate in it themselves but wishes to delegate the task; it is also important to acknowledge that not everyone wants to pass on the duty but wishes for the other person to solve the problem simply because they themselves don’t know how to. In those cases, one must remember that by practising self-love and nurturing self-worth, they will figure out the way to solve their communication issues – eventually, they will start to believe their words and needs matter!

But what about those who refuse to practice self-love?

They will most likely continue to make their lives and relationships difficult when in reality, they deserve better.

It is very tempting to make ourselves believe that another person “made me feel like I’m not good enough” or “betrayed me.” If you feel that someone has betrayed you, is it possible you are actually betraying your own sense of value on a daily basis?

My client wasn’t doing this – they wanted to speak up but didn’t know how. However, this is a question we could all benefit from asking ourselves – do we sometimes blame others without considering whether or not we had ever communicated our needs clearly to them?

Do we expect others to read our minds when we haven’t asked for what we need?

Are we expecting others to give to us more than we give to them or ourselves?

Do we give what we wish to receive?

Another person, your partner included, can merely mirror what you feel about yourself on a daily basis. They cannot put thoughts in your mind that you don’t accept yourself.

Another person can only heal you as much as you are willing to heal yourself. Relationship are about teamwork but the most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself. You can make another person just as important but only when you’re ready to live with yourself instead of wanting to run away from who you are – if you want to run, another person can’t rescue you before you rescue yourself.

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When You “Fail” to Manifest – A Guide to Starting Over!

What happens when you think your manifestation might arrive at a specific moment yet it doesn’t? You might have gotten signs or feedback that lead you to believe it was happening only to discover that it wasn’t what you hoped for, at least not just yet. 

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Don’t Lose It Before You Attract It!

Do you fear losing what you have or worse, losing your desired manifestation before you attract it?

Fear of loss (or, fear of failure, if you prefer) usually happens after experiencing an unexpected loss in life – loss of a job, a relationship or one’s happiness or confidence at the least expected moment. The moment one finds oneself blindsided by something they thought would never happen to them, usually a break-up or something of similar magnitude – big enough to cause confidence issues but not so big that the damage is irreversible – fear of loss is created, causing insecurity and self-doubt. And when it comes to manifesting one’s desires, fear of loss works even before one manifests their desire, keeping it at arm’s length.

One’s desired manifestation is closer than they think but the fear of loss keeps it from manifesting in the first place.

I don’t want to say that you can’t lose what you never had in the first place because you can have anything you want if you believe it; however, I will say that the desire to have specific things in life always comes with fear if it stems from need.

Thought of the Day

Be grateful to your negative thoughts because even they can bring you closer to your end goal.

If you allow them, they can and they will; this is nothing short of a miracle and the events we perceive as miracles happen every day. Whatever you believe, you attract, and if you believe your negative thoughts can also help, they actually will. 

Thought of the Day 

I had no worry about leaving any job that no longer served my wellbeing, ever. 

The lesson learned was,

Law of Attraction works easily when something you want is just not a big deal (to you). It’s normal, natural and it always works out. 

If what you want feels like a big deal, it might not be natural to you. The goals is for living your desire to feel normal because normal equals no resistance.

chinese crested dog

Should You Be a Perfect Person?

“Can you work with the Law of Attraction and still be a person? Can you like some aspects of life, dislike others and not feel bad about it? Can you still like some people and dislike others or do you have to like everyone and everything?”

I was asked these questions today.

Many fear that unless they are perfect, manifestation will never happen for them. Instead of enjoying themselves, they continuously judge both themselves and others.

Have you ever done that? If you did, it probably slowed down your manifestation process.

Law of Attraction says that giving love to ourselves means sending out love into the world and with that, receiving love back. If you focus on everything you like about yourself and your life, your perceived flaws will soon feel small. They will feel like nothing.

At the same time, you will start to see the good in others instead of the flaws you usually perceived in them.

You do not have to be a perfect person but those who are confident in themselves are good to others and make the world a better place. They spread love just by feeling good.

Many deal with their dislike for certain people most difficultly.

I like many people but also dislike some. Personally, I do everything I can to not react to the negative thoughts of my dislikes but imagine the causes of those dislikes to be changed and improved someday. Some individuals act negatively simply because their eyes and minds have not been opened or because they believe that no one ever loved them.  Others might believe that acting the way they do is the only choice they have. Maybe they never knew that they could create their desired realities and live happier lives.

All of those reasons can be causes for forgiveness. If we never forgave anyone, the world would be an even more difficult place than many already consider it to be.

Seeing flaws in the world reflects back to your awareness – you perceive yourself as flawed so you focus on the flaws in others. Change that to noticing the good about yourself and you will believe that the world could become a much more beautiful place to live.

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How Do You See Yourself (and Your Life)?

Have you ever heard anyone say that you should be ready to do whatever it takes to manifest your desire?

Even if you heard this, you may have wondered what it meant.

It means doing all the self-work necessary to manifest – feeling good, thinking positive thoughts, choosing positive feelings, focusing on having your desired reality and expecting your desired manifestation to happen.

Many start off thinking positively and believing, only to give up later.

Too many haven’t grown up naturally thinking positive; they were taught to believe that life is difficult or that they should never hope because they will be disappointed. Others fear their past experiences repeating, currently seeing themselves as having been hurt instead of cherishing their strength and happiness.

If you believe life is difficult, you are captured in an awareness of being a person who struggles. Beliefs indicate awareness and those who believe they must wait or struggle believe that getting what they want is always difficult for them. There is no reason to believe this about yourself – start believing that from now on, life is easy because you deserve it.

Thinking that hope always leads to disappointment is also a matter of awareness, as you believe that this always happens to you. If you hope yet fear disappointment, you are setting yourself up for that disappointment. Expect to receive your desire and be happy instead of let down.

Fearing that the past will repeat itself means you haven’t forgiven yourself for it. Don’t think that the past has to repeat itself because nothing has to happen unless you believe it. If you can’t imagine what a happier future would look like, get creative and think about what you want it to look like. Since you can have anything, why not manifest what you actually want, for a change?

You know you can do this.