Some could say I don’t have much experience when it comes to forgiveness. After all, I have forgiven but often refused second chances to others, a choice that can be misinterpreted as a lack of forgiveness. However, I find the practice of forgiving someone I don’t want in my life but keeping them away at the same time completely legitimate.
When it comes to LoA, forgiveness is essential. Essentially when it comes to dealing and manifesting new relationships with your exes.
Forgiveness is a choice. Once you make it, stick to it; otherwise, why bother?
Here’s a little explanation from my past of what it means to make a choice. And forgiveness is a choice just like any other.
WHY I LOSE INTEREST
I had eventually lost interest in every relationship I was in. I’m trying to think about what exactly this means.
Losing interest was my personal epidemic. People have told me it is because I don’t fall in love easily.
In the past, I fell in love but didn’t stay in love. Falling in love was based on focusing on the good in the man I was with until finding out something that changed my perception of him. I have been in love before but I’ve never been with a man and thought, “He’s the one.” Even when I thought I thought it, I knew I actually didn’t.
As far as LoA was concerned, I got what I had asked for. I was only comfortable loving while love lasted without effort, only for as long as I was interested in his positive traits. I guess I never considered any of those men someone I’d be proud to call my partner in the long run.
I did not need any of my chosen partners to be classically good looking, rich or anything else that was physical or material – I only wanted to see something in a man that was different. Special. I didn’t ask for anything but positive and caring personality, manners and a man who created a life for himself he genuinely enjoyed.
Once, my then-boyfriend sat on the only free bar stool while we were out with friends, without even offering it to me first and leaving me standing while he sat down without blinking. I was embarrassed. Not about what others might think, especially since most didn’t give the situation a second thought, but embarrassed with myself for having been in a relationship with an idiot. When the same then-boyfriend and I were walking in the street one day, he suddenly disappeared without a word because he saw someone he knew across the street and ran to say hello without giving me a heads up. I walked for another two seconds before realizing I was walking on my own. In my mind, he instantly became an unequivocal idiot.
The sad thing is, I have even “better” stories from this particular relationship. And by sad, I mean tragicomic. What I actually mean is hilarious.
To be fair, this was in my early to mid-twenties and taught me that someone being “a good guy” was just not enough. I used to say I liked “good guys” and thought that one being “good” or “nice” was enough. I had completely ignored my taste for basic sophistication, personality wise. That kind of sophistication requires self-comfort, confidence and an open heart. Heart driven individuals have it while those driven by insecurity block their own sense of self love. I like good men but I also like quality men and goodness is just one, possibly the core but still not the only trait of overall quality.
This relationship was a lesson in quality. Manners don’t take wealthy or privileged background but only a little intelligence and common sense. A lack thereof could have come from one’s old, negative habits with less-than-quality women (or maybe I acted like one in part, who knows). Maybe it had something to do with low quality upbringing but eventually, we have to reevaluate the “values” we were raised on and create our own.
Again, I was younger then (I turn thirty two on January 5th) but these incidents were enough for me to stop respecting my then-boyfriend.
Now, what did LoA bring me as a result of this?
When one stop respecting another, they set the relationship up for a free fall. I started to keep him around as I pleased, felt free to start arguments as I pleased without worrying if raising my voice when I did would hurt his feelings. Later on, leaving him caused growth in my self-respect; it wasn’t difficult for me to do because I already loved myself enough to put myself first and know that everything was going to be okay.
A LESSON IN FORGIVENESS
I’ve been asked how to forgive. Some might argue that I don’t have much experience with forgiveness but as much as I believe one can talk their relationship issues out lovingly, especially if they genuinely love the person in question, I didn’t want to in this case. Others might say I’m too critical but I’m not perfect, just like anyone else – I am however fair and devoid of hypocrisy, as I only stay put for as long as I want to, never fake or pretend and am always honest. When I give something a chance, I mean it. When I’m unhappy, I leave. Living this honest life is the only way I can be happy.
I make decisions according to my feelings and personal values.
You can however choose to love and forgive your (desired) significant others for absolutely anything. You can choose to love them despite their faults but it must be a decision you will stick to.
You must forgive and stick to it the way I chose to leave and stuck to it.
You might wonder how to forgive and the answer is, by being strong. It takes strength to stay and it takes strength to leave, your relationship or any other manifestation you want to bring about.
If you want to forgive yourself and everyone in your past, appreciating the lessons you learned, do it. You are allowed to forgive and move away from the individuals who do nothing to contribute to your happiness.
But…
If you decide to forgive someone you still want in your life, look at it as starting over. Create the new present and forget the past. Be strong enough to do that.
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