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Relationships – Are You Afraid of Asking for What You Want?

A (life coaching) client on mine recently struggled with asking for what they wanted out of their relationship which led them to panic. Struggling to communicate their needs on a daily basis, this beautiful, heart-driven individual felt confused about their own readiness to show their true self to their partner.

They knew what they wanted to achieve but were unsure of their ability to communicate it now. The answer turned out to be simple – before they communicated, this person needed to overcome their own fear of rejection that stemmed from the feeling of constant struggle in life, none of which had come from their partner but instead, their own awareness and life history.

Many think they will start a relationship with a person who is going to heal them. This is a wonderful idea but it is not exactly how energy works. If you fail to set boundaries in your relationship, how is your partner supposed to know what’s acceptable and what’s not? If you agree to something you don’t want, how are they supposed to know that you actually didn’t mean it?

Relationship struggles deepen when we refuse to acknowledge that they originate within, not without. Depending on one’s partner for fixing what’s broken is difficult, especially when one doesn’t participate in it themselves but wishes to delegate the task; it is also important to acknowledge that not everyone wants to pass on the duty but wishes for the other person to solve the problem simply because they themselves don’t know how to. In those cases, one must remember that by practising self-love and nurturing self-worth, they will figure out the way to solve their communication issues – eventually, they will start to believe their words and needs matter!

But what about those who refuse to practice self-love?

They will most likely continue to make their lives and relationships difficult when in reality, they deserve better.

It is very tempting to make ourselves believe that another person “made me feel like I’m not good enough” or “betrayed me.” If you feel that someone has betrayed you, is it possible you are actually betraying your own sense of value on a daily basis?

My client wasn’t doing this – they wanted to speak up but didn’t know how. However, this is a question we could all benefit from asking ourselves – do we sometimes blame others without considering whether or not we had ever communicated our needs clearly to them?

Do we expect others to read our minds when we haven’t asked for what we need?

Are we expecting others to give to us more than we give to them or ourselves?

Do we give what we wish to receive?

Another person, your partner included, can merely mirror what you feel about yourself on a daily basis. They cannot put thoughts in your mind that you don’t accept yourself.

Another person can only heal you as much as you are willing to heal yourself. Relationship are about teamwork but the most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself. You can make another person just as important but only when you’re ready to live with yourself instead of wanting to run away from who you are – if you want to run, another person can’t rescue you before you rescue yourself.

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How To Put Our Goal Preventing Issues Behind Us

We often forget that relationship focus and coaching exist beyond simply manifesting the relationship you want. Once it’s manifested, you must keep it, and you will do so by dealing with your deepest issues which every one of your relationship problems came from in the past. If you deal with those, Law of Attraction will draw even more love into your romance than you had before because resolving your issues results in feeling good about yourself, finally attracting your dreams as a result. 

That is how the process goes.

An existing couple is no different – they might get over a fight but the same issues will keep causing new ones in the future unless they are resolved. It’s not about the fight itself but about what causes it, and unless that issue causing a fight is addressed, it will keep coming back in different forms.

Some prefer to believe that the cause of a single fight was their partner’s reaction to our words, their words or specific actions; however, the cause of a fight lies in one’s (or both parties’) issues that have existed long before they even met their partner. When a fight happens, we don’t react to something we don’t care about. We actually react because our partner’s words or actions reminded us of an unpleasant feeling we’ve been holding onto for a while before we met them. We then project their words onto those feelings and end up upset, disregarding the notion they never meant to upset us and were just expressing themselves while we took it the way we did.

Fights can take over a relationship and we shouldn’t let them. Actually facing and dealing with those issues leading to them by causing us to be upset at someone’s words are what we should actually be facing. We have to be honest with ourselves about those issues if we want them to disappear and stop making us miserable, and we can make LoA work for us by doing so.

Issues can be dealt with in two ways – by thinking positive about ourselves and everything in our lives which leads us to easily resolving them by realizing we have outgrown them, or by facing them and realizing why they don’t matter anymore. Either way, it is by devaluing them because negative thoughts can cause misery if we choose to give them meaning.

We are much better off knowing our true self is stronger than any negative thoughts we may be holding on to. What hurts you doesn’t deserve you, and it certainly doesn’t deserve your attention.

Think well of yourself and think about those you love and admire. Focus on the people whose company you adore, and imagine spending time with them. All these things will shift your focus to personal happiness which leads to confidence in yourself and seeing yourself having what you want.

I have always had a very specific trigger to negative feelings in a relationship. I value feeling special and seeing myself as such, and when a boyfriend makes me feel anything but, my taste for the relationship starts to wane. In a relationship, I always give what I wish to receive by expressing how much my partner means to me yet my patience for being with someone who doesn’t express himself well enough has left me over the years. I want someone who dares to say what he means, has the courage to dive into love, be romantic and show me how much I mean to him.

In the past, I would summon enough love to see beyond hearing what I didn’t like but today, I want someone who sees and realizes that I want to be put first, because I put my  partner first. Those who have no interest in doing this can move along.

Sometimes, it is easier for us to say that we “feel like this is happening, that’s how it’s gonna play out” and let the Law of Attraction work – this particular mindset can be an easy way out when it comes to manifesting relationships, as we sometimes feel more natural thinking that the outcome is our of our control. However, even when we “can feel the relationship will go this way,” we are choosing this outcome for our lives!

Every “feeling” you think may have come from somewhere else was also your choice to acknowledge and embrace, and with that, give meaning to and decide that it was to be the outcome of your manifestation; now, since you know that, choose the outcome you want and decide that that one was meant to be! 

We choose the outcome of every situation, even when we don’t think we do. 

And at times, I focused on what I didn’t like to the extend that I had to decide if whether I wanted to stay or leave the relationship.

If the situation doesn’t suit you and you don’t want to fix it, walk away. Time is much better spent thinking about having what you want than disliking what you have. Some issues in a relationship we don’t care to fix.

If you want to fix your own issues on the other hand, preventing them from interfering with your future relationship with the right person, face them and realize that they’re probably outdated. Chances are you already spent a sufficient amount of time dealing with them and it is time to put them behind you – this very notion is often enough to stop thinking about a problem.

If you want closure, visualizing a positive scenario in which your issue has been resolved. Visualize injustice corrected and a chance to tell someone what you wish to tell them. Imagine this playing out in your perfect but positive scenario because visualizing it in a negative and upset way will not make it go away.

Then, you will automatically put it behind you for good. 

My Journal – An Insight into Negative Thoughts and Physical Discomfort

2:14 p.m.

I went out for a friend’s birthday last night. It was great until about 3:30 a.m. when the quality of music dropped. I became desperate to go home and this morning, I woke up with a headache. I feel like I must have attracted it due to complaining, even just to myself; on the other hand, it could have been due to slight exhaustion from staying up for twenty four hours, swimming for four in the morning and then dancing for another four in the middle of the night. Either way, I need a painkiller, as my second coffee alone isn’t helping right now.

When you live seeking out your personal joys, you also begin to desire a healthy amount of quiet, recovery days, which feel even better than you can imagine.

Living with the purpose of enjoying ourselves and also enjoying some quiet time prevents you from having enough energy to ever engage in overthinking or even negative thoughts, benefiting your well being and directing your focus to seeking out even more joys in the days to come. And today, all I wanted was some quiet time. I wanted to not think about anything besides some work, some food and some TV. I needed to unwind.

5:35 p.m.

As it tends to happen, physical pain can cause negative thoughts just like any other physical sensation does. I felt so bad physically that I started to have odd thoughts; however, I soon realized that it wasn’t any serious fear acting as a cause of these thoughts. I was just hungry and a body running on empty affects one’s mind accordingly.

This has happened before and I would always divert from negative thoughts…if I wanted to leave the situation badly enough. When I was hospitalized for appendicitis surgery, I summoned the motivation to start feeling better and be released. When I hated my second high school (our of three, in three different countries), I summoned all the motivation I need to manifest moving away with my family once again. But I didn’t want to leave my bed today which made it difficult to manifest a change in circumstances. So I just decided to manifest a headache away and magically found a painkiller even though I was convinced there were none left in the house. But the Universe always provides. I still have no idea where it came from.

7 p.m.

After the painkiller kicked in, I could feel my body relaxing and was sure my confusing thoughts were about to disappear. I wanted to sleep but also work at the same time. Then, one of my best friends called me which made me very happy. I needed something wonderful to do and I had found it. I knew that if I distracted myself, my negative thoughts would pass, even though they made no sense to me at all. I believed my brain was just tired.

And then…

Negative thoughts passed as soon as I took something meaningful from them. Suddenly, I got to know certain answers and believe it was the Universe’s way of helping me relax even more. The Universe had sent me a message that said, “Don’t even react. None of our negative thoughts ever make sense!” I knew it but then remembered that over the past week, I had been working on a new theory of removing them, all for the purpose of a new book I’ve been working on. Now, I was given a chance to test my own theory by observing the thoughts that came from physical discomfort, and I have gained new insight into dealing with them. I have been asked about this by several readers and clients, and have always looked for new ways of removing those thoughts that bother so many because it is my goal to make lives easier.

Let’s face it – most of our negative thoughts are self-imposed and not at all connected to the people or situations we assign them to. If you simply let them pass, no matter how weird and uncomfortable they feel, or remind yourself they are meaningless and irrelevant, you will come to a point where they feel so ridiculous that you won’t even understand where they came from in the first place.

Law of Attraction advice isn’t just about getting what you want – it is also about relaxing yourself so that you could imagine having what you want which is the necessary first step. Much of the Law of Attraction advice can be explained in elaborate stages but it always comes down to the simplest concepts – feel the positive, ignore the negative, believe in what you want before you see the proof of it and don’t be afraid. Maybe it is the reminder of those concepts that holds the biggest Law of Attraction lessons, as the point is to remind yourself of what you already learned in order to create new, positive habits.

9:21 p.m.

Negative thoughts seem even more distant now that I’ve just let them flow and had said to myself they were entirely self-imposed. I can look at their triggers and say, no. I have witnessed enough paranoia to make me realize that we don’t put ourselves into another person’s intentions by thinking negative thoughts about them but do so by thinking positive. We choose to engage in negative thoughts and perceptions about certain situations because of what we think, not because of the nature of that situation. We must stop perceiving our negative thoughts as some kind of threat – they’re simply here to tell us what not to think.

The less we think about how to remove any negative thoughts and the more we ignore them, the sooner they will go away. I could explain it in as many ways as you can imagine but it all comes down to this same idea. You might wonder how exactly you should distract yourself and the answer is, either by ignoring or persistence. Do something you enjoy until you forget about those thoughts you’ve been having, ask yourself why you have them for the purpose of realizing they only come from you or simply choose to think about something else. Just don’t think about “what they mean” or you’ll end up assigning meaning to them, scaring yourself in the process.

In short, if I only have negative thoughts when I’m tired, hungry and suffering a headache, they are completely self-imposed, not to mention circumstantial. Observe your own negative thoughts – do you recognize the same patterns?

11:24 p.m.

Still happy, over my headache and ready for bed. Good night!

Thought of the Day

Cliché it is due to its truthfulness – keeping busy makes you lighten up and stop feeling like you should be thinking about your desire all the time (especially when you notice it hasn’t manifested yet).

When I feel like thinking too much, I start writing, cleaning up or go outside and walk around the block. I think about my new photography goals and challenges. I start looking for a new series to watch (or go back to rewatching OITNB). I catch up on my incomplete errands, in a decisively motivated and not-at-all-lazy way.

This is what puts me in a different mindset simply by letting me engage fully in a concrete activity that requires the presence of both my body and mind which is the exact reason why it works.

There are a million things to do – all we have to do is choose among them.

Should You Only Want Unique Beauty or Can You Also Want Guilt-Free Luxury?

We simply must know what kind of life(style) we want because knowing what would truly make us happy is the key to manifesting it. Unless we know, we have to settle for letting the Universe provide it but then what do you do in the meantime? Isn’t it better to discover what would make you happy on your own and then visualize it while knowing it’s yours already?

If it isn’t better to do it this way, you can always ask the Universe to show you your true happiness and stay patient while allowing it to happen. But if you want to discover it yourself, you will live a life of trying different things and having fun with them until you find your ultimate bliss.

One of the things I always, always, always (!!!) wanted to have as part of my lifestyle was traveling. If you’ve been reading this blog for a while, you know I started manifesting not just traveling but living in various countries on various continents when I was fourteen.

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Is Worrying a Way of Keeping Yourself Busy?

Often, when you want to attract something you desire more than anything else in life, you don’t feel like doing anything in your current reality anymore until it comes. However, when you only think about one thing, that one thing, you are bound to run out of positive thoughts at some point and switch to negative ones.

Positive beliefs stick but a variety of positive thoughts comes and goes throughout the day. In the moments they go, it is important to switch your thoughts to something else that makes you happy instead of continuing to think about your desired manifestation. This is how the mind works so when you try to force yourself to keep the positive thoughts going, the forcing makes you switch to negative thoughts soon enough. Forcing yourself is unnatural, tension-creating energy that will ultimately rattle your brainwaves and produce negative thoughts.

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Self-Love Equals Smooth Manifestation

For days, I’ve been thinking about the single most important part of effortless manifestation. Most of us wanted to know the answer to successfully avoiding negative thoughts and stopping ourselves from engaging in doubt yet we didn’t find it until we started to feel unconditionally good about ourselves.

They don’t tell us that love is the key to LoA for nothing. Some might wonder why love is such a boost and why self-love in particular means so much in this process but when you think about it, you end up realizing that self-love leads to positivity and positivity leads to relaxation, trust and letting go. A relaxed mind boosted by loving emotions leads to attracting one’s desired life without effort.

You might wonder why exactly the core of your personality makes such a difference.