A (life coaching) client on mine recently struggled with asking for what they wanted out of their relationship which led them to panic. Struggling to communicate their needs on a daily basis, this beautiful, heart-driven individual felt confused about their own readiness to show their true self to their partner.
They knew what they wanted to achieve but were unsure of their ability to communicate it now. The answer turned out to be simple – before they communicated, this person needed to overcome their own fear of rejection that stemmed from the feeling of constant struggle in life, none of which had come from their partner but instead, their own awareness and life history.
Many think they will start a relationship with a person who is going to heal them. This is a wonderful idea but it is not exactly how energy works. If you fail to set boundaries in your relationship, how is your partner supposed to know what’s acceptable and what’s not? If you agree to something you don’t want, how are they supposed to know that you actually didn’t mean it?
Relationship struggles deepen when we refuse to acknowledge that they originate within, not without. Depending on one’s partner for fixing what’s broken is difficult, especially when one doesn’t participate in it themselves but wishes to delegate the task; it is also important to acknowledge that not everyone wants to pass on the duty but wishes for the other person to solve the problem simply because they themselves don’t know how to. In those cases, one must remember that by practising self-love and nurturing self-worth, they will figure out the way to solve their communication issues – eventually, they will start to believe their words and needs matter!
But what about those who refuse to practice self-love?
They will most likely continue to make their lives and relationships difficult when in reality, they deserve better.
It is very tempting to make ourselves believe that another person “made me feel like I’m not good enough” or “betrayed me.” If you feel that someone has betrayed you, is it possible you are actually betraying your own sense of value on a daily basis?
My client wasn’t doing this – they wanted to speak up but didn’t know how. However, this is a question we could all benefit from asking ourselves – do we sometimes blame others without considering whether or not we had ever communicated our needs clearly to them?
Do we expect others to read our minds when we haven’t asked for what we need?
Are we expecting others to give to us more than we give to them or ourselves?
Do we give what we wish to receive?
Another person, your partner included, can merely mirror what you feel about yourself on a daily basis. They cannot put thoughts in your mind that you don’t accept yourself.
Another person can only heal you as much as you are willing to heal yourself. Relationship are about teamwork but the most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself. You can make another person just as important but only when you’re ready to live with yourself instead of wanting to run away from who you are – if you want to run, another person can’t rescue you before you rescue yourself.