Relationships – Are You Afraid of Asking for What You Want?

Relationships – Are You Afraid of Asking for What You Want?

A (life coaching) client on mine recently struggled with asking for what they wanted out of their relationship which led them to panic. Struggling to communicate their needs on a daily basis, this beautiful, heart-driven individual felt confused about their own readiness to show their true self to their partner.

They knew what they wanted to achieve but were unsure of their ability to communicate it now. The answer turned out to be simple – before they communicated, this person needed to overcome their own fear of rejection that stemmed from the feeling of constant struggle in life, none of which had come from their partner but instead, their own awareness and life history.

Many think they will start a relationship with a person who is going to heal them. This is a wonderful idea but it is not exactly how energy works. If you fail to set boundaries in your relationship, how is your partner supposed to know what’s acceptable and what’s not? If you agree to something you don’t want, how are they supposed to know that you actually didn’t mean it?

Relationship struggles deepen when we refuse to acknowledge that they originate within, not without. Depending on one’s partner for fixing what’s broken is difficult, especially when one doesn’t participate in it themselves but wishes to delegate the task; it is also important to acknowledge that not everyone wants to pass on the duty but wishes for the other person to solve the problem simply because they themselves don’t know how to. In those cases, one must remember that by practising self-love and nurturing self-worth, they will figure out the way to solve their communication issues – eventually, they will start to believe their words and needs matter!

But what about those who refuse to practice self-love?

They will most likely continue to make their lives and relationships difficult when in reality, they deserve better.

It is very tempting to make ourselves believe that another person “made me feel like I’m not good enough” or “betrayed me.” If you feel that someone has betrayed you, is it possible you are actually betraying your own sense of value on a daily basis?

My client wasn’t doing this – they wanted to speak up but didn’t know how. However, this is a question we could all benefit from asking ourselves – do we sometimes blame others without considering whether or not we had ever communicated our needs clearly to them?

Do we expect others to read our minds when we haven’t asked for what we need?

Are we expecting others to give to us more than we give to them or ourselves?

Do we give what we wish to receive?

Another person, your partner included, can merely mirror what you feel about yourself on a daily basis. They cannot put thoughts in your mind that you don’t accept yourself.

Another person can only heal you as much as you are willing to heal yourself. Relationship are about teamwork but the most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself. You can make another person just as important but only when you’re ready to live with yourself instead of wanting to run away from who you are – if you want to run, another person can’t rescue you before you rescue yourself.

Why Being Complete Within Ourselves Translates to Relationship Happiness

Why Being Complete Within Ourselves Translates to Relationship Happiness

Every relationship conflict starts with an internal conflict of not knowing what one wants, doubting one’s self-worth or the fear of being alone.

No one has ever entered a relationship feeling amazing about themselves and ending up in a miserable situation out of nowhere – this just doesn’t happen. One brings one’s own issues into a relationship which can only be an expression of one’s inner world, not an uncontrollable external force that has suddenly shattered one’s confidence. We can only work with what we bring in, whether or not this specific awareness changes throughout the course of a relationship. Even if one changes during a relationship, it was one’s choice to change.

My coaching clients who are reading this blog could tell you that every relationship problem goes back to self-perception and that is why we work on their self-love and personal confidence while creating a positive perception of relationship simultaneously. Looking back on your relationship history, it would soon become apparent to you that you held onto the same inner feelings every time (or at least most of the time). Our relationships can’t change until we start to feel better about ourselves, with or without them.

One must become aware of the fact that no relationship can fix their insecurities, mood or awareness.

What we bring into a relationship, we express. Continue reading “Why Being Complete Within Ourselves Translates to Relationship Happiness”

When it Comes to Love and Commitment, Are You Giving What You Want to Receive?

When it Comes to Love and Commitment, Are You Giving What You Want to Receive?

You might be familiar with this situation – you want to attract a relationship with a specific person only to find yourself diving into negative thoughts instead of planning the relationship you say you want to have.

First of all, engaging in negative thoughts is always a choice – they can come unexpectedly but we either choose to engage in love or fear. Many of us have engaged in both at different times in our lives. At any moment, we have the power to change our thoughts to positive so when you notice yourself in an upsetting thought process, choose belief instead!

Choosing belief goes a long way in manifesting love because by engaging in the thoughts of having what you want already, you are consciously choosing to see the best in the person you love and emit the loving energy you wish to receive. The loving visualizations and energy you emit are your own personal communication of what you wish to receive. Continue reading “When it Comes to Love and Commitment, Are You Giving What You Want to Receive?”

The Next Chapter

The Next Chapter

In my books, blogging and personal coaching, I have always emphasized two options for using affirmations to attract the desired – being grateful for your desire being yours already or expressing gratitude for your desire being on its way. Either way works but your choice depends on what makes you comfortable, allowing you to either feel good about everything being yours already or accept its upcoming arrival without experiencing resistance from being too aware it isn’t here yet. (The latter requires being okay in your current reality as it is, until your desire arrives).

Some can easily imagine their desires being a done deal in the sense of belonging to them already – these individuals have the easiest time imagining reality as they want it to be. Others can imagine themselves having their desires but have an easier time thinking those desires are still coming to life which allows them to let go.

I still switch between the two depending on the goal in question but today, I prefer the method of expressing gratitude for living my desired reality right now. It’s my life already; it’s mine right now. Technique one.  Continue reading “The Next Chapter”

Relationship Advice – How to Attract a Relationship Despite Discomfort around a Specific Person

Relationship Advice – How to Attract a Relationship Despite Discomfort around a Specific Person

What do you do if the person you are not yourself around is the person you want to attract a relationship with?

We have all known someone like that, usually in a romantic sense. We have all been involved with a person who has upset or hurt us, resulting in our future interactions being filled with reactions from confusion and a damaged sense of pride when all we wanted to do was relax and be our best selves. We have all been involved with the people who had this effect on us but whether or not we chose to stay in those involvements was entirely up to us.

Choosing to stick around someone who makes you feel this way or use all your strength to walk away from them is a reflection of your personality, awareness, and, most importantly, your level of self-confidence. You might think you don’t deserve better or that the other person does so you feel the need to stick around until you figure out how to give them what you believe they deserve. You think that giving them what you feel they should have would make you happy but the flaw to this plan rests in the idea of putting them ahead of yourself.

Continue reading “Relationship Advice – How to Attract a Relationship Despite Discomfort around a Specific Person”

Self-Love is Your Inner Strength, Relationship Confidence and Encompassing Personal Beauty

Self-Love is Your Inner Strength, Relationship Confidence and Encompassing Personal Beauty

It is what you believe you have a difficult time manifesting that causes attachment in you.

Changing yourself to assume the lightness of character, endless self-confidence and unwavering belief is achieved with self-love. Those who doubt this notion haven’t tried engaging in self-love just yet.

Self-love is in your best interest. Continue reading “Self-Love is Your Inner Strength, Relationship Confidence and Encompassing Personal Beauty”

Love or Attention – Which Do You Truly Want?

Love or Attention – Which Do You Truly Want?

This is going to be quite a self-help-type blog post.

I’ve been thinking about obsession, manipulation and the need to attract attention (and, attraction) from the person one wants to manifest a relationship with rather than focusing on love. Sometimes, the need to be with someone and make a relationship happen with them can stand in the way of one’s ability to distinguish love from need which results in frustration over not achieving one’s goal of being with the person they desire. It can lead to one’s incessant questioning of themselves instead of self-belief.

Diving into relationships and knowing how to make the other person feel attached while I wasn’t was something I practised on a regular basis. I knew how to dazzle anyone I wanted to – that was me at my most immature. At one point, I was unsure where the manipulation ended and the love began even though my goal was always to reel someone in and simply run away after I was done with them.

That was me perceived by several exes I had broken up with.

Continue reading “Love or Attention – Which Do You Truly Want?”

The Meaning of Forgiveness

The Meaning of Forgiveness

Some could say I don’t have much experience when it comes to forgiveness. After all, I have forgiven but often refused second chances to others, a choice that can be misinterpreted as a lack of forgiveness. However, I find the practice of forgiving someone I don’t want in my life but keeping them away at the same time completely legitimate.

When it comes to LoA, forgiveness is essential. Essentially when it comes to dealing and manifesting new relationships with your exes. 

Forgiveness is a choice. Once you make it, stick to it; otherwise, why bother?

Here’s a little explanation from my past of what it means to make a choice. And forgiveness is a choice just like any other.

 

WHY I LOSE INTEREST

I had eventually lost interest in every relationship I was in. I’m trying to think about what exactly this means.

Losing interest was my personal epidemic. People have told me it is because I don’t fall in love easily.

In the past, I fell in love but didn’t stay in love. Falling in love was based on focusing on the good in the man I was with until finding out something that changed my perception of him. I have been in love before but I’ve never been with a man and thought, “He’s the one.” Even when I thought I thought it, I knew I actually didn’t.

As far as LoA was concerned, I got what I had asked for. I was only comfortable loving while love lasted without effort, only for as long as I was interested in his positive traits. I guess I never considered any of those men someone I’d be proud to call my partner in the long run.

I did not need any of my chosen partners to be classically good looking, rich or anything else that was physical or material – I only wanted to see something in a man that was different. Special. I didn’t ask for anything but positive and caring personality, manners and a man who created a life for himself he genuinely enjoyed.

Once, my then-boyfriend sat on the only free bar stool while we were out with friends, without even offering it to me first and leaving me standing while he sat down without blinking. I was embarrassed. Not about what others might think, especially since most didn’t give the situation a second thought, but embarrassed with myself for having been in a relationship with an idiot. When the same then-boyfriend and I were walking in the street one day, he suddenly disappeared without a word because he saw someone he knew across the street and ran to say hello without giving me a heads up. I walked for another two seconds before realizing I was walking on my own. In my mind, he instantly became an unequivocal idiot.

The sad thing is, I have even “better” stories from this particular relationship. And by sad, I mean tragicomic. What I actually mean is hilarious.

To be fair, this was in my early to mid-twenties and taught me that someone being “a good guy” was just not enough. I used to say I liked “good guys” and thought that one being “good” or “nice” was enough. I had completely ignored my taste for basic sophistication, personality wise. That kind of sophistication requires self-comfort, confidence and an open heart. Heart driven individuals have it while those driven by insecurity block their own sense of self love. I like good men but I also like quality men and goodness is just one, possibly the core but still not the only trait of overall quality.

This relationship was a lesson in quality. Manners don’t take wealthy or privileged background but only a little intelligence and common sense. A lack thereof could have come from one’s old, negative habits with less-than-quality women (or maybe I acted like one in part, who knows). Maybe it had something to do with low quality upbringing but eventually, we have to reevaluate the “values” we were raised on and create our own.

Again, I was younger then (I turn thirty two on January 5th) but these incidents were enough for me to stop respecting my then-boyfriend.

Now, what did LoA bring me as a result of this?

When one stop respecting another, they set the relationship up for a free fall. I started to keep him around as I pleased, felt free to start arguments as I pleased without worrying if raising my voice when I did would hurt his feelings. Later on, leaving him caused growth in my self-respect; it wasn’t difficult for me to do because I already loved myself enough to put myself first and know that everything was going to be okay.

 

A LESSON IN FORGIVENESS

I’ve been asked how to forgive. Some might argue that I don’t have much experience with forgiveness but as much as I believe one can talk their relationship issues out lovingly, especially if they genuinely love the person in question, I didn’t want to in this case. Others might say I’m too critical but I’m not perfect, just like anyone else – I am however fair and devoid of hypocrisy, as I only stay put for as long as I want to, never fake or pretend and am always honest. When I give something a chance, I mean it. When I’m unhappy, I leave. Living this honest life is the only way I can be happy.

I make decisions according to my feelings and personal values.

You can however choose to love and forgive your (desired) significant others for absolutely anything. You can choose to love them despite their faults but it must be a decision you will stick to.

You must forgive and stick to it the way I chose to leave and stuck to it.

You might wonder how to forgive and the answer is, by being strong. It takes strength to stay and it takes strength to leave, your relationship or any other manifestation you want to bring about.

If you want to forgive yourself and everyone in your past, appreciating the lessons you learned, do it. You are allowed to forgive and move away from the individuals who do nothing to contribute to your happiness.

But…

If you decide to forgive someone you still want in your life, look at it as starting over. Create the new present and forget the past. Be strong enough to do that.