Relationships – Are You Afraid of Asking for What You Want?

Relationships – Are You Afraid of Asking for What You Want?

A (life coaching) client on mine recently struggled with asking for what they wanted out of their relationship which led them to panic. Struggling to communicate their needs on a daily basis, this beautiful, heart-driven individual felt confused about their own readiness to show their true self to their partner.

They knew what they wanted to achieve but were unsure of their ability to communicate it now. The answer turned out to be simple – before they communicated, this person needed to overcome their own fear of rejection that stemmed from the feeling of constant struggle in life, none of which had come from their partner but instead, their own awareness and life history.

Many think they will start a relationship with a person who is going to heal them. This is a wonderful idea but it is not exactly how energy works. If you fail to set boundaries in your relationship, how is your partner supposed to know what’s acceptable and what’s not? If you agree to something you don’t want, how are they supposed to know that you actually didn’t mean it?

Relationship struggles deepen when we refuse to acknowledge that they originate within, not without. Depending on one’s partner for fixing what’s broken is difficult, especially when one doesn’t participate in it themselves but wishes to delegate the task; it is also important to acknowledge that not everyone wants to pass on the duty but wishes for the other person to solve the problem simply because they themselves don’t know how to. In those cases, one must remember that by practising self-love and nurturing self-worth, they will figure out the way to solve their communication issues – eventually, they will start to believe their words and needs matter!

But what about those who refuse to practice self-love?

They will most likely continue to make their lives and relationships difficult when in reality, they deserve better.

It is very tempting to make ourselves believe that another person “made me feel like I’m not good enough” or “betrayed me.” If you feel that someone has betrayed you, is it possible you are actually betraying your own sense of value on a daily basis?

My client wasn’t doing this – they wanted to speak up but didn’t know how. However, this is a question we could all benefit from asking ourselves – do we sometimes blame others without considering whether or not we had ever communicated our needs clearly to them?

Do we expect others to read our minds when we haven’t asked for what we need?

Are we expecting others to give to us more than we give to them or ourselves?

Do we give what we wish to receive?

Another person, your partner included, can merely mirror what you feel about yourself on a daily basis. They cannot put thoughts in your mind that you don’t accept yourself.

Another person can only heal you as much as you are willing to heal yourself. Relationship are about teamwork but the most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself. You can make another person just as important but only when you’re ready to live with yourself instead of wanting to run away from who you are – if you want to run, another person can’t rescue you before you rescue yourself.

How To Put Our Goal Preventing Issues Behind Us

How To Put Our Goal Preventing Issues Behind Us

We often forget that relationship focus and coaching exist beyond simply manifesting the relationship you want. Once it’s manifested, you must keep it, and you will do so by dealing with your deepest issues which every one of your relationship problems came from in the past. If you deal with those, Law of Attraction will draw even more love into your romance than you had before because resolving your issues results in feeling good about yourself, finally attracting your dreams as a result. 

That is how the process goes.

An existing couple is no different – they might get over a fight but the same issues will keep causing new ones in the future unless they are resolved. It’s not about the fight itself but about what causes it, and unless that issue causing a fight is addressed, it will keep coming back in different forms.

Some prefer to believe that the cause of a single fight was their partner’s reaction to our words, their words or specific actions; however, the cause of a fight lies in one’s (or both parties’) issues that have existed long before they even met their partner. When a fight happens, we don’t react to something we don’t care about. We actually react because our partner’s words or actions reminded us of an unpleasant feeling we’ve been holding onto for a while before we met them. We then project their words onto those feelings and end up upset, disregarding the notion they never meant to upset us and were just expressing themselves while we took it the way we did.

Fights can take over a relationship and we shouldn’t let them. Actually facing and dealing with those issues leading to them by causing us to be upset at someone’s words are what we should actually be facing. We have to be honest with ourselves about those issues if we want them to disappear and stop making us miserable, and we can make LoA work for us by doing so.

Issues can be dealt with in two ways – by thinking positive about ourselves and everything in our lives which leads us to easily resolving them by realizing we have outgrown them, or by facing them and realizing why they don’t matter anymore. Either way, it is by devaluing them because negative thoughts can cause misery if we choose to give them meaning.

We are much better off knowing our true self is stronger than any negative thoughts we may be holding on to. What hurts you doesn’t deserve you, and it certainly doesn’t deserve your attention.

Think well of yourself and think about those you love and admire. Focus on the people whose company you adore, and imagine spending time with them. All these things will shift your focus to personal happiness which leads to confidence in yourself and seeing yourself having what you want.

I have always had a very specific trigger to negative feelings in a relationship. I value feeling special and seeing myself as such, and when a boyfriend makes me feel anything but, my taste for the relationship starts to wane. In a relationship, I always give what I wish to receive by expressing how much my partner means to me yet my patience for being with someone who doesn’t express himself well enough has left me over the years. I want someone who dares to say what he means, has the courage to dive into love, be romantic and show me how much I mean to him.

In the past, I would summon enough love to see beyond hearing what I didn’t like but today, I want someone who sees and realizes that I want to be put first, because I put my  partner first. Those who have no interest in doing this can move along.

Sometimes, it is easier for us to say that we “feel like this is happening, that’s how it’s gonna play out” and let the Law of Attraction work – this particular mindset can be an easy way out when it comes to manifesting relationships, as we sometimes feel more natural thinking that the outcome is our of our control. However, even when we “can feel the relationship will go this way,” we are choosing this outcome for our lives!

Every “feeling” you think may have come from somewhere else was also your choice to acknowledge and embrace, and with that, give meaning to and decide that it was to be the outcome of your manifestation; now, since you know that, choose the outcome you want and decide that that one was meant to be! 

We choose the outcome of every situation, even when we don’t think we do. 

And at times, I focused on what I didn’t like to the extend that I had to decide if whether I wanted to stay or leave the relationship.

If the situation doesn’t suit you and you don’t want to fix it, walk away. Time is much better spent thinking about having what you want than disliking what you have. Some issues in a relationship we don’t care to fix.

If you want to fix your own issues on the other hand, preventing them from interfering with your future relationship with the right person, face them and realize that they’re probably outdated. Chances are you already spent a sufficient amount of time dealing with them and it is time to put them behind you – this very notion is often enough to stop thinking about a problem.

If you want closure, visualizing a positive scenario in which your issue has been resolved. Visualize injustice corrected and a chance to tell someone what you wish to tell them. Imagine this playing out in your perfect but positive scenario because visualizing it in a negative and upset way will not make it go away.

Then, you will automatically put it behind you for good. 

From Self-Love to the Love You Want – Do You Know the Way?

From Self-Love to the Love You Want – Do You Know the Way?

What has happened when one suddenly has much to share about one’s life, wanting to shout it from the rooftops? At the same time, this thing one is simply dying to share also requires nurturing and privacy, for certain aspects of it were meant to be cherished behind closed doors?

You might have guessed it – one has fallen in love.

The question of how one becomes aware of being in love is obsolete – when we know, we just know. Continue reading “From Self-Love to the Love You Want – Do You Know the Way?”

The Likelihood of Manifesting Your Desires

The Likelihood of Manifesting Your Desires

One of my favorite movies is Gone with the Wind and I wonder if others were as fascinated with Scarlett O’Hara’s motherly yet cool mom Ellen. After young Scarlett has been left a widow, Ellen suggests she end her mourning period, get out of the house and travel to Atlanta to party because there is always lots going on.

Ellen had given Scarlett terrific LoA tips – a pick-me-up is always better than unnaturally prolonged mourning with the sole purpose of respecting societal norms. Ellen O’Hara was a cool mom.

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On the other hand, Scarlett felt that she could have anything and anyone except for Ashley Wilkes, constantly trying to make him jealous and win him over by marrying his cousin Charles, marrying for money twice after that, nursing his wife (and cousin) Melanie back to health and making him her business partner. She feels that she has money, men, family and her business deals but due to the feeling of not being with Ashley, she keeps making one mistake after another.

I believe many feel the same way when finding themselves capable of manifesting any desire except that biggest one. That big desire usually entails a specific person.

The answer is as simple as leveling that one big desire with the rest of your desires and believing they’re all equally easy to manifest and equally likely to happen.

The bigger you make your desire in your mind, the more you feel disconnected from it.

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Self love makes any desire feel small because your happiness is bigger than all of them. You simply give your desired manifestations a chance to fit into your happiness and give them the privilege of sharing your beautiful life.

When perceiving a desire small, you can see yourself having it and let it go. This can be just as true of jobs, financial wealth, luxury and love with specific people as it is of clothes, flowers and cups of coffee.

Do You Trust Your Specific Person and/or Yourself?

Do You Trust Your Specific Person and/or Yourself?

When manifesting a relationship, it is always with a specific man I chose. When there is one I want to be with, I see us together and I easily visualize the situations in which we are together, as I want our relationship to be. If I imagine something I want to live, it makes me feel good.

Sounds simple, right?

If you want to manifest a specific relationship, do you feel good when imagining the two of you together? If you don’t, why don’t you?

Is it because you think a relationship should happen a certain way? If that’s the case, either accept that you can change things or if you don’t want to, you can always find someone else who will give you an even better feeling. You must believe that you can have what you want with the person you want in order to manifest it.

Is your mutual past still bothering you? Or your past with someone else which you fear repeating? Get over it and move on. This is not criticism, just a suggestion. Get over it because you deserve to. You don’t deserve to be an emotional slave to someone else or worse, yourself because you choose to hold onto the hurt from the past. The person who hurt you is not better than you – more importantly, they are someone you will be happier staying away from so it’s good that they keep their distance from you, right? After all, you choose to feel hurt by someone else’s actions or, not. No one can hurt you if you refuse to allow it and if you ever did, change that today. You deserve to be happy instead.

Are you afraid of getting involved with this person? Maybe you don’t trust them or just don’t trust that they could make you happy. You must feel good about this person in order to believe that you could actually be with them which means appreciating what you do about them and accepting the rest.

These are just a few examples but you see what I mean.

You don’t have to be or feel perfect – just positive. Happy. Happiness is all you need. Happiness is everything.